love and marriage?

edited December 1969 in Faith Issues
I feel like none of us will be able to marry the ones that we fall madly in love with and it really dissapoints me. What if you really love someone who isn't our religion? i know that the two must be compatible but...i don't wanna go into a marriage only because i get along with the person. Ok i know its a loooooong time before i even start to think about this stuff but its rly unfair if you go into a marriage without love.


  • Hey , i hear you man, before i knew we are generally not allowed ot have relathonships before marriage, i used to fall for girls all the time, but i know you will get over them,

    once Pope Shenouda said this 17 year old loved this girl and vice versa, and he said what cna dis boy do for the girl? what she do for him? buy her a car? marry her? buy her presents? sleep with her? and so on........

    i used ot be in that situation and i fell in love with her, but i got over it and told myself ill love the person ill marry, i mean u have to love her to marry her?

    [shadow=purple,left][glow=purple,2,300]- Mr. Coptic Orthodox[/glow][/shadow]
  • thats not what i mean though. I'm not talking about highschool puppy love at all. I'm talking about when you're at an age where you wanna get married and you fall in love with someone and just because of a few things you have to give them up because God doesn't want to see you married to them and you end up in a loveless marriage (i think most egyptian marriages are loveless because they get married just to be married and not because they love eachother). i don't wanna get married just to be married. I wanna get married because i love. I want it to be exciting and i wanna wake up every day knowing that i love this person with all my heart and i just don't think i could do that by going into it with no feelings.
  • i completely hear u.....theres a part of me that worries that what u are saying is gonna happen....that most kids our age will rush into marriage just for that sake of having someone...even tho it is rite in the eyes of our egyptian cullture.....the marriage feels empty inside....i have a feeling many eill rush into it because they cant wait to share that type of love with someone.....but theres one question you should be asking....DO you trust God? good things come to those that wait....and you simply cant have a fulfilling relationship with out God in the center of it......God should be the Glue that holds you together because that is when you have that joy that never goes away....that is how you wake up every morning thanking God for the person next to you....God noes that you are letting go of people you might really like because of him...and he will not let it go unnoticed....he will be there for you at the end and he will let you find happiness....i just ask God to find the person im might to be with and that he be there with me and that it be at a time in my life when it is right....honestly God comes before any guy because with out him that is how u have an unrealistic marriage...that is when you feel empty....and dont worry you have plenty of time to find that person and God probably has picked him out for just need to trust hope that helped
  • omg this is an awesome topic.. hehe.. neways all arubaiscrazy said totally true.. i get those feelings too.. its crazy.. but then again u never kno i mean that person that is not coptic might like u too.. i mean like later on if ur like near that age of getting married.. neways so i was saying like ok so u fall 4 a person that like works w/ u or wutever and he's not coptic and he likes u too and u guys r like PERFECT 4 each other..(how cute? :-* it feels good just thinking abt it!! lol) and u guys wanna get married and he's willing to become coptic then God had planed it 4 u.. i mean i've seen it happen ALOT.. i mean ALOT.. egyptians marry Americans now a days.. lol.. but their kids are soo cute bcz they usually take their american's parent look.. and i say this bcz i think Americans are CUTE :-*.. hehe
    but u kno when u get that feeling when u like sumone and they like u back that u kno u just kno 4 sure u'll get married to that person? have u ever got that? i mean u just kno it.. put then again u say its in god's hands but then u think of that person and ur like i'm sure God wants us 4 eachother.. u kno its kinda wierd.. in a way but u kno? sumone explain plz?? :-\

    Rina ;)
  • but u really need to make sure that ur spouse is converting for God and not you!!!
  • wait wut???? i kinda don't get it.. i'm slow and dumb so explain plz plz plz plz :-*
  • I think that she means to make sure that the person is converting because of their love for Christ and how they came to love this practiced faith, not because they love u so they just convert w/o knowing who Christ really is

    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • o i gott ya now... hehe i needed that thnx alot.. but umm the person i'm talking abt is already a coptic soo ya... ;D
  • Marry first, love later
  • So now you don’t have to wait till he is baptized or anything... so you’ll marry faster ;D ;D ;D
  • Actually, I'd have to disagree with that Mark. I don't know much about marriage, but you are going to share the rest of your life with the person you marry, so I think it's very important to love before you marry. If you don't, then you'll be making a lot of problems down the road.
  • :)

    Dont get married at all if you cant find love.Life is too short to spend it being miserable and unhappy.Jesus doesnt seek our unhappiness.He came to "give us life and life more abundantly".That includes marital bliss.
  • "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding." Prov 3:5

    that's all we gotta do guys! if we trust God we'll know that whoever you propose to or whoever proposes to you will be the one God wants in your life, and will bless it.

    nothing that comes from God can be bad. my sunday school servant told us that when she was younger she prayed that God will 'choose her future husband for her and take care of him'. and God did just that. she's happily married now and they're a great couple!

    trusting in God is so easy and hard at the same time. we want to be the ones to do everything and control everything, but when we put things in His hands, everything is just amazing (im sure we all know that :D)

    so i figure the best thing would be to pray about it, talk to God, converse with Him like you would to a friend (i mean, He is the greatest friend you can have! ;)) tell Him you're worried about your future spouse and worried that the marriage wont grow in His love. ask Him to be in the midst of your future marriage (and future in general).... wait a few years and watch Gods wonders take place.

    forget the egyptain culture and its weirdness (there's no doubt, some things in this culture will remain mysterious lol).... cuz the culture cant come between God and His plan for His beloved children!

    If you Pray, why Worry, and if you Worry, why Pray?

    lets leave all things up to Him, He told us He'll take care of our future and not to worry about it, and personally, im gonna hold Him to His word!!

    besides, if God does choose the person for you, of course there will be true happy love, with each other and in Christ! :)
  • If you Pray, why Worry, and if you Worry, why Pray?

    Great quote! I need to remember ;D
  • ;D
    lol yup, i heard it somewhere
    its pulled me through some tough times


    Take Care & God Bless!
  • you should post it in the quotes thread... because it is pretty cool
  • lol...good idea.... but i cant find it??
    its gone!
    unless im totally blind lol....if you find it, feel free to post it :D

    Take Care & God Bless
  • Let me ask you guys a diffrent but related question. Say you are of age to be married, how would you know God's choice? That question came up and I can't find an answer for.
  • i have no idea how you would know if its God's choice or not.

    On another note: If this sounds totally stupid and just plain wrong i'm really sorry but i just know that in a marriage i'm sure i would want a certain amount of passion and excitement. And it seems like every single egyptian marriage is soooooo boring. They have nothing in common, and they don't even do anything together. I doubt most even talk about anything even remotely personal/private and i just think thats soooo wrong. If i'm going to be with a person for the rest of my life i want to have a lot of bonds with them.
  • its true that in many egyptian marriages there's not much love, passion, excitement, communication, sharing of personal things, etc. i believe this is the fault of the parents who married their children. they just want to see their kids married and so the parents 'rest assured'. im sure none of us here want that at all.

    there's a solution!

    one logical thing is not to rush into marriage... not as soon as a person is 'of age' they should search for someone and stick to one if they think he/she is 'the one'.... lets do things according to God's time, not ours.

    as many have mentioned earlier, we should just turst in God and pray about it. pray that we get our spouse from the Lord not from parents or the community or whatever.

    how do we kno that the person we might end up with is from God? the same way we know alot of the things we have is from God. its just that great feeling that this is a blessing. there's peace and comfort inside of us that assures us that whatever this is, is from above.
    there's no percise answer or sign or indication of whether the person is from God or not, but, if we completely trusted in Him, then we'd know that when we accept the proposal or take the courage to propse (depending), that it is from God.

    of course, we should all go to our priests, the voices of God, before making a decision that big. if your father of confession is encouraging your action, then its from God.

    any marriage that has Christ as its foundation, and the couple are depending and trusting in God completely, then there will be passion, excitement, love, communication, etc. because the couple will trust in God, therefore trust each other.

    as my priest once said to us: "Make God the Centre of your world, and Everything will come together."
    how true is that? i think we should stop worrying about the future and worry about now. lets tell God to take care of our future because He can, while we battle the temptations of today.

    we cant control what happens, but we can leave everything in the Hands of Him who can.

    take care all...
  • :)

    just know that in a marriage i'm sure i would want a certain amount of passion and excitement. And it seems like every single egyptian marriage is soooooo boring.

    Read the Book of Solomon in the Bible,that gives you a good example of what a marriage should be ;D
  • i have read it. Its my favorite book in the bible actually. :)
  • Hi all,
    well i have a might be a little off topic...but here it is anyway....well...does anyone fall in love by choice? and how would u really know wut love is if u never experienced it before? yeah we already know about the Love of God for us by sacrifycing his only begotten son....but wut will a love between two people look it to the point tht this person would change their whole life around for the one they love? or wut is it really....or maybe u will just feel it's love when u are in it...idk...this is all confusing....and i totally agree that there should be love before marriage...nowadays every one just wanna get married and rush into it...without loving the other anyone who have an answer....reply please
  • I'd like an answer to that too. How does one really know when they're in love?
  • Hey Guys,

    I'm about to go out so I'm gonna keep this brief but I think we need to understand a few things about marriage,

    The first is that in the Eastern rite, they call marriage the sacrament of love, that is its true name and its purpose. If marriage is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the church then what else could marriage be other than a bond of love? To add further to that God created marriage so we humans could learn to love, thats the whole point of marriage, God puts two people together so they can help eachother, we see this in genesis when God made a partner so that the two of them could see Him together. God also made a special person just for adam and vice versa. God knows us and what we're like so He will pick the very best person for us, in fact a person that He has been tayloring for us their whole lives, one special person who will become for us the primary instrument that God uses to teach us about His love. Since God knows and understands us better than anyone He finds its very easy to find someone that we can love, enjoy and want to be with.

    To know God's will in marriage is very easy if we know one thing, that its God that makes His will happen not us. We're not God's mind readers, we can prepare our hearts so we can respond to His work but it is beyond us to do the same by figuring out God's will and persuing it ourselves. Since God is the source of all love (and we ought to love everyone) God will show His will by nurturing in us a very special and unique love, chasity and affection for one person that is unmatched to anyone else and since there is no comparable emotion within us that can even come close, we know that this special growth is from God. In wrong relationships, we can pick these easily, people fight a lot and God makes the path hard so that people know that this isn't what He wants. In the real thing there are road blocks but God can use sometimes even unexpected means to solve them so you know its not us and it is trully Him.

    God bless,

  • :)

    Theres a big difference between "falling in love" and "loving".One is more a matter of emotion{which comes and goes}while the other is more concerned with commitment.Its great to" fall in love" with somebody;that feeling that you just cant get enough of the other person.You want to be around them all the time, 24/7.But its a sad fact that this feeling is not permanant.It begins to ebb as time goes on,sometimes to the point where people decide they no longer "love" each other, and so they end up seeking divorce,as if this is the only solution to their problem.

    True love is based on something deeper.Yes,its wonderful to have all those romantic feelings,to have all that emotion bubbling up inside you,the excitement and tingly sensation you experience when your around the male or female of your dreams,but if it doesnt also have commitment,faithfulness,selflessness,the attributes of true love, then it will never reach maturation and bloom into that perfect love that all of us seek and desire.A love based on the divine "Agape"{Gods love} and not one based soley on" Eros", {that sensual,emotional,erotic love} which by its very nature can never fulfill our inner longing for true intimacy, being shallow, shortlived and not built on permanant foundations.

    True love is when you always seek the best{even at your own expense}for your partner,putting his or her needs above your own,committing yourself{no matter what the cost,for richer or poorer,for better or worse,in sickness or in health,until death do you part}to that person,in good times and bad,because you cant stand the thought of not being a part of that persons life.Your romantic feelings will come and go,depending on how you nurture them{it takes hard}but your LOVE is based on something deeper,something more long lasting,the foundation of whch is the very Love{Agapeo}of God Himself.

    So you ask me: "When will I experience "true love"?My answer: "When you want to spend the rest of your life with another human being, desiring to put that persons needs and welfare above that of your own".When the other person feels the same way about you, then you will experience true marital bliss
  • ok so i didn't read everything u guys wrote.. BUT>... i read the question so ya..
    ok its a pretty question.. yup its pretty.. umm well if everything goes perfect w/ a person but God doesn't want u for each other but everything is going PERFECT and ur abt to get married and walking in the middle of the church w/ ur sweet heart holding ur hand and all the sudden sumthing goes wrong and u get in a fight in front of everyone and she leaves off and u guys DON"T ever get married.. that all happens bcz God didn't want u for that person.. i kno that sounded horible but it has happened in true life... it really did happen... it's very sad :'( but thats one way u kno that that person wasn't right 4 u... :).. and i'm sure everyone stated other things.. so ya.. GOOD LUCK BUDDY!!

    Rina ;)
  • I don't really see the confusion. I think you really need to get to know who you are marrying from a religious perspective as well as otherwise. It's a life time commitment and it is YOUR life the intrusion of others should be minimal and shouldnt dictate final decisions. You can remain engaged for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time.. there is no need to rush, regardless of your age.
  • the thing the one thing that will let a marriage last .... is that it rotates around Our Lord... when u are joined in marriage in front of God he will never leave you alone...he will be your guide through the hard times and the good times...i really dont believe in marrying out of the church...because that rarely lasts and if it the couple really happy and fulfilled?...and most of the time the answer to that question is no...and i hate when people get married when there drunk or just for a marriage a very special thing....its not something that should be messed with...sorry for changing the topic i just had to let that :)
  • looking at all the egyptian marriages, even though they dont seem as fun hve u ever seen an egyptian "Christian" marriage so bad and unsafe. thiz mite be a little off subject but the scott peterson case. i was watching a show about laci's life and everyone said tht it waz a shocker that he killed her because they were so in love. they seemed like they were in love but he ended up killing her. how r u sure about marrying someone who didnt grow up like u or doeznt beleve in the same thingz u do? i fantasize about getting married 2 sum1 i truly love but i come to reality and realize tht it takes more thought. i think i repeated myself a couple of timez?! did tht make sense?!
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