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Thanks. I think that I am apparently one who should not be a member of any particular faith. For my entire 66 years of life I have been trying to "find God" and find a faith or church where I "fit in." And my earliest memory of the protestant church was hiding under the covers every Sunday at around 4 years of age saying I was sick and my mother dragging me out of bed and forcing me to go to Sunday. The brick Methodist church loomed over me in my memory and for some reason the thought of entering it always filled me with dread! And I know for certain I would gladly drop dead before I ever went to the pentacostal prosperity doctrine type churches-it literally makes me SICK when I hear them say they pray for things like their teams to win a football game or for nice weather so they can attend events like a prom or the money to buy a fancy car,etc. THAT kind of "personal relationship with Jesus" is ridiculous in my viewpoint. Many of them actually believe when they die they can personally order all kinds of "goodies" in heaven-at least they SAY they do!
But, on the other hand, I DO want to feel that I have a close "friend" in God-someone that loves me and will always be there for me. Much of this is probably because I came from a broken home and never really had a "family." Group is good but we are also INDIVIDUALS within a group and I don't want to believe that we have no worth or value as our individual selves-that just seems too cold and unfeeling . I just basically don't fit in ANY where with religion and that is probably the reason from young adulthood until my early 60s I did not attend churches or identify myself with any one faith. Maybe some of us are just doomed to be Godless heathens and go to hell when we die. I really think if I was 20 years younger and in better health I would actually try to find a cave and go live in it! The poem "stranger" by Pope Shenouda 111 touched my heart so much-I listen to the song version of it daily and that is probably not a good thing or maybe a protestant thing also, but I can identify with it and I will continue to listen to it. At this point in my life I really don't think it matters anymore. Thanks for listening to me.