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Comments
" And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. " Galatians 5:24
keep that in your mind and in your prayers... and everything else will fall into place.
Like i am not saying no hugging period but if you know your friend is gonna be gone for a while or your friend came from a long trip and you haven't seen him for a while than ya maybe a hug is an acceptable thing but a hug on a dialy or weekly basis i don't know about that.
P.S.... i appreciate all of your help.. thank you guys so much for everything... i learned a lot and ive realized that im "normal" lol
I think the problem is that sometimes because of our impurity we make sins out of things that aren't supposed to be sins. If you hug a cousin of a similar age of the opposite sex thats not an unusual the problem is what are the intentions of the person hugging you and how are you interpreting it?
Frist off, never flirt, it is okay to be friendly but we have to guard our souls and emotions so flirting is never okay because it is playing with danger. If you are unsure about a persons intentions then you have to guard yourself and flirting I suppose is a sign that someone wants something from you that they probably shouldn't.
Physical contact is okay so long as it is done as an expression of love and things like that at times of distress can help build strong relationships but only if it is welcomed!
Just look at yourself and see how you feel inside about hugging others and being huged. What are the feelings like and can they be controlled? This is a very difficult issue and it is at there time thet we MUST speak to our father of confession who has experience and can ask questions to help us figure out what kinds of feelings these are. This does involve revelaing embarressing informartion but it is the only safe way to deal with this issue.
Never try to assess the feelings by yourself this is very dangerous because they devil has ways of tricking us and we are very inexperienced at these things and we could be lead into a trap.
Don't worry not all physical contact is bad, the problem is when it changes from being an expression of love to an expression of desire. I hope you all take caution and guard yourselves from these things.
God bless,
CS
This is why I said it is okay to be friendly but not flirt. Fliting is an expression of (amorus love)sexual desire used to allure someone, if I was to be cheered up in that way then I'd rather not be cheered up.
Conversly being friendly can be saying a joke or smiling. The intent here is very different! Never confuse the two.
God bless you,
CS
this topic is a hot one at my church. whenever the topic comes up we always hear the same answer
"you dont know wat the other person is thinking of ur innocent hug or kiss"
and as Youst said, when the guy that she likes hugs her, she thinks more of it. im not picking on u, but i needed an example, hope u dont get offended.
and in my opinion a handshake is the same as a hug; so its better to be safe than sorry. thats my opinion
here in australia, even being to friendly with a girl, spreads romours... let alone hug and kiss.
I agree with you that I don't think its a good idea but I want to encourage you to remember that hugging is not a temptation, its only a problem because of our weakness. I guess in another time and in another place it would be okay but since we're not there this will have to do.
Its just that I would want to encourage you all to try to replace the bad feelings with good ones. If you don't bad feelings keep regenerating themselves its not enough to be reactive against evil, you have to be proactive and not proactive in cutting it off but doing good. Maybe as a teen its a little bit difficult I'm no sure but I'm very pround of how responsible you all are.
God bless,
CS
I myself try to stay away from getting close to a girl or even sit too close by one..Maybe that's way too much but I like to be in the safe area at all times.
:P
Defender
but seriously, there is nothing wrong with keeping a close freind of the other sex, as long as it remains on friendly terms. if u get hints from yourself or the other person taht it is becoming something more, then try to slow the relationship.
I am poor and needy: and the salvation of Your face, O God, is that which has accepted me.
- Chris
There are no hard fast rules here. Each person has their own concience and know how they feel about everything and its important that a person acts in a way that they feel is comfortable. For some people this may involve no contact and for others this may involve a lot of contact but essentially its between that person and their FOC to determine what is right for them and not only that but to judge the way we feel when we do these things so we can investigate whether its right or wrong.
I was saying before that its not enough to cut off bad feelings they need to be activly replaced with good. If you have ivy growing in a building, you need to get to the source, the root that makes it grow. In the same way that evil desire to take advantage of another person for pleasure has to be replaced with good. It is true though that we are very vulnerable to these feelings and we need o be very careful so each of us needs to sit with his/her FOC to decide how best to handle these things and the result won't be the same for everyone.
I can give a comparision I know, in the desert fathers there was a monk who was travelling with his mother and they came to a river and because of her old age he had to carry her. He wrapped his hands with a blanket and he carried her. His mother asked him why he did that and he said to his from his memory the rememberance of the body of a woman because it is fire.
This is very sever, especially if we treat our own mother like that but I'm sure all you experience tells you that not every monk is like that, there are many who are very playful, I know one that plays with girls hair. lol.
In the world of monks there is no consistancy as to how to be virtuous. For some it means completely hiding yourself from temptation and for others they find it as an expression of love but the key to doing anything properly is to sit down with your FOC and let him examine both your actions and their hidden intentions to determine what is best for you.
God bless,
CS
".....And lead us not into temptation...." and please Lord don't let us lead ourselves to one either.
Defender
mayb theres different social behavior over there,
defender i agree with u!
the only time i think kissin on the check wood b ok, is at christmass, or easter or a big feast... but i believe even that should be avoid,
we should live all that little stuff which could lead us to big stuff, til marriage.
sin may seem harmless, its disguised by the devil...
Put aside for a moment the idea of being worthy or unworty, would you do it or see it as a potential sin?
CS
YOU are missing the point here, it is not about, a hug or kiss or a handshake, it is about deep INTENSIONS. It is about what the deepest of your emotions are about those kisses and hugs. Soe people are more mature than other, some ppl will take it as normal, while other will go home and have a dream about those meetings where they had contact with the opposit sex.
Don't fool yourself, what do you really feel about it inside, in the deepest of your heart??? ???
For example i went out with this girl for a few days (lets not get into the "went out" part right now) but we never went beyond a handshake and those were few too for like over a yr and half i think i shake her hand twice or so.
And acutally that was a GOOD thing. why? because if i did while i had feelings for her i would have thought bad thought thus commiting a sin and so on
so i guess the conclusion that i want to get to and that we said here before
depending on how liberat you are and the person you hugging and/or kissig and your feelings towards them (because you can't control their feelings) decides if this is a sin or not
the devil doesnt come out straight and tell u sin, no he wraps and makes it all nice and make it seem that its nothing.
u know how they say dont judge a book by its cover, well, make sure u inspect the book carefully and be wary of it. (bad saying i know, i get corny now and then)
okay i've read this whole thread since my last post, and its progressed... quite surprisingly i must say lol
anyways, i cant say i know the position youst is being put in mainly because i've never been friends with a guy first, then grew to like him...
my best friend just so happens to be a guy my age in my church, and honestly, we've never hugged or kissed or anything... but if the chance ever came up... i dont think i'd mind. i mean he's my best friend and after being friends with him for over 6 years now, i know my feelings towards him and he knows mine. i know he's never had feelings towards me and i never had feelings towards him..
okay, SMS stop ur babbling and get to ur point...
my point is that if ur friends with somone or even if u like some guy... try to stay friends
a friendship will last longer than any sentimental feelings u have for a guy...
friends will be there forever, guys/girls, wont be
ps GJI... we may be americans, but that doesnt mean we're not Copts, u make it sound like we're from another planet lol
i guess its safe to say we have similar mentalities in some cases
Defender.
But I was just saying, if I get the courage to meet a Saint without fainting, getting a heart attack, stroke, etc., I shall run kiss their feet and then their hands.
Defender