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  • Unknown
    o i know, by no means did i say its easy to control
    but i figure if someone has the ability and control to know its just a crush and call it nothing more... than there chances of keeping it there are pretty high
    i mean i know of several girls who have reached the age of 16, even 18 or above maybe, and they r like boy crazy... liking any guy that walks in, but to be honest, they know that they would never take it beyond what they think in they're heads, if anyting they might get this guys screen name and talk to him online, and once they realize he's either a, excuse me, jerk... they stop talking to him (usually) or if they realize he's a good guy that they just wanna be friends with, they disregard his looks and treat him like a brother
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    well SMS you are forgetting the last opition what if after they talk to him on whatever kind of instant messenger they see him as a good guy and like him more than a borther?? Because that is a possiblity too
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    Hi all,

    I think meeting and having crushes with people on the web is a better scenario than in real life. The danger in reality and what the church is afraid of is sexual immorality, which isn't likley with a web mate so potentially it can be an opportunity to organise your thoughts about how to treat guys without a danger of commiting a serious sin.

    What do you all think?

    CS
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    i hate to keep throughing those twists in there but another thing CS about "web meeting" what if you know somebody from church and you talk to them online then you develop a crush or develop a crush then start talking to them online
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    Yeah, thats a whole different kettle of fish, I was meaning like people from different states and countries...
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    well i myself don't encourage web crushes or meeting because you can never know who is in the other end unless you met that person before or meeting them from a very good site like here or a site where you can trust people on it won't lie about their idenity
    BUT overall i don't like talking to somebody i never met before it just doesn't feel right
    does that make sense?
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    Thats cool, but I wasn't thinking about developing web crushes as such, I was more thinking of developing web friends as a retardant to crushes...
  • Unknown
    you guys, honestly the whole thing with talking to people online that u've never met, im totally against
    like i might IM someone from this website whereas theres a possibility to meet this person, considering 99.9% of us are copts, i sorta trust u guys too
    but if ur asking to befreind ppl that u meet in random chat rooms... im not big on that
    and back to the crushes thing... if ur labeling it a crush... then it really doesn't grow more than that... just talking from not only my experiences but experiences of others
    i mean if ur a girl that doesnt believe in true love at this age (thats y u call it a crush) then u know that to like a guy in a certain way is sinful and by that time u ask God for the strength to stop
    again, this isnt some fantasy or whatever, its stuff that has actually happened in reality...
    i mean, the same goes for guys too but im not saying that these ppl think that they're strong... the good thing is that they know they're weak and they ask God for guidance, they know that its just one of those 'crushes' that is caused by some raging hormone.
    i dont think i really have to argue this anymore cause we all know what i'm really talking about here and i dont want to end up repeating myself.
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    I'm finding it hard to follow you SMS, perhaps we need to go thought dating one more time. J/K :)
  • Unknown
    >:( :-\ ;) :D
    funny...
  • Serving ChristServing Christ
    How about if every time you have a crush on a guy, you begin where you know that it is not "real love" but then you start thinking "it could be", or "how about if it is and i dont know it" and whenever you do have a crush on a guy you make it so much more :(
  • PaulhPaulh
    whether your a guy or girl...when u have a crush on sumbody, and ur still at a young age, you know deep inside yourself that it's not real love. But then you start thinking to yourself..maybe this is an exception and this is real love. and we say maybe whats happening with me isn't like whats happening with everybody else, and this really could be real love. well no..its not. thats just the devil again, tryin to lure you into his trap. and once your in and you think you "love" that person...its very VERY hard to get out and the longer you take..the more it lasts..cus these feelings grow deep in you, and their roots dig deep in your heart. and the devil will suddenly pull them all out, and pull some of your heart out with them. that hurts..
  • Serving ChristServing Christ
    Another thing, when u know you like being in a guy's company, and even when you know its wrong, because you are always tempted, you'll do wateva you can to be with them.
    And when this guy was the one who made you like him, because you fell for his words, of "i love you" , "ur always on ma mind"...etc.
    by the way i am not baseing these feelings on looks!
    I want to be with this guy but i know its wrong,
    (again going back to who is the center of my life, i even try to compromise with God, and say "i'll give God this much time, and this guy that much time")
    When i go to sleep the last thing i ask God is to take care of me, cus i cant fight off temptation, especially when it seems inviting, and i ask him to take this guy away from me because I KNOW hes not the kind of guy i am interested in.
    I just dont know what to do anymore...
    i tried not talking to the guy, but it doesnt last very long...(because i see him and i just forget, everything!)
    I have told my father of confession, at least a hundred times!!!
    What do i do if this guy used like me, and doesnt anymore because he actually does listen to what hes told, whereas in my case i tend to listen for a short amount of time and then i forget/choose to ignore it, since i miss my ways. And to add to all that, I know its Gods will that should be done and not mine, but i seem to think that God's ways messing around with wat i want.
    :'( :'( :'(

  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    Hi Serving Christ,

    Don't feel so bad, your not the only person who has trouble with something like this because the problem comes from emotion and the feelings you have are quite real, the issue is are they helpful for you at this time of your life? Do you think God is sending you these emotions? A lot of the time the emotions and our faith contend for control of the mind and its a very ugly struggle.

    I'm glad that your confessing it to your father, it is always good to hear that but you must be wondering, why am I only able to go so far???

    The answer often is that when we turn from a sin, we sometimes mistakenly do it by emboldening our will rather than submitting to God and giving Him the freedom to work in us. The proof of this comes from when we fall we get very very depressed and we don't feel the comfort of God's love in our repentance or it could be that when we fall we start to think the blame lies in what we did wrong and we start to build ourselves up for another attempt, blaming it on ourselves rather than being unsurprised by our weakness and seeking to submit to God further. The clearest proof however is that we fight for a while and then lapse, that is when I rely on myself and not God.

    I put some posts up earlier about submission but I will repost this link, there is a very good book which has the first 4 chapers on submission, have a read through it and I think that'lll give you a bit of encouragement.

    http://www.coptichymns.net/index.php?name=PagEd&topictoview=38

    God bless you,

    CS
  • PaulhPaulh
    [quote author=CopticSoldier link=board=1;threadid=295;start=60#msg2817 date=1085969019]
    Hi all,

    I think meeting and having crushes with people on the web is a better scenario than in real life. The danger in reality and what the church is afraid of is sexual immorality, which isn't likley with a web mate so potentially it can be an opportunity to organise your thoughts about how to treat guys without a danger of commiting a serious sin.

    What do you all think?

    CS



    Matthew 5:28
    But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

    I don't agree with you on this one. and plus, online, its easier to say things to a person, and easier to tell a person you like them. So its actually worse than just being in person cus in person there are certain things that are hard to say. but online, its easier cus your not looking at the person, and u don't hear their voice, or hear them yelling.
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    I see your point. My reasoning was that the only way you stop lusting after a person is that you go past that and see that they are a human with emotions and feelings and that it isn't right to take advantage of them or to feel that way. I see it as a system of correction, I would never advise anyone to 'come out' as such but then again, its just a thought, whether or not its right or wrong because 50% of the world consists of the opposite sex and its hard to function if that size of populus is a potential stumbling bock when they really shouldn't be if you follow my reasoning or perhaps (yet again) I'm getting ahead of myself and this is too much for a hormonal teenager to come to terms with.

    confused in Christ,

    CS
  • PaulhPaulh
    um...you lost me somewhere around where you said "My reasoning was...". lol. i didn't understand all that much of what u said because my vocabulary isn't THAT good yet and um..u used too many big words in one sentence. lol. try that one more time
  • CopticSoldierCopticSoldier
    Okaaaaay, what I mean is that if you have a glass of vinegar you can't fill it with honey you have to first throw out the vinegar and wash the glass before you can fill it with honey.

    In the same way if a person gets lots of bad feelings they can't control they need to replace them with good feelings they can control if you follow?
  • PaulhPaulh
    muchh better. lol. thanks.
  • egyprincessegyprincess
    guys, im so lost and confused ???
    i think we r jumping from one thing to the next.
    help ???
  • Unknown
    i guess what they're talking about egyprincess is that u need to sorta turn those feelings u ahve for the opposite sex around and use that feeling as a brotherly love kind of a thing... correct me if im mistaken plz... ;D
  • youst718youst718
    wow.. i have learned a lot from reading the many replies i got o one little post i put up there.. i really appreaciate your hlep guys and i really have taken some your advice. however, i cant help but wonder.. if the person doesnt know you like them and you've always been really good friends... and now some of the things he says start to get to you or you get butterflies once they touch you.. should you notify them.. should you let them know that what they're doing is hurting you. Or..shold you leave it as it is and not bring the subject up. cuz the guy i like has been my best firend for 3 years and lately when eh says something it just really gets to me.. for instance
    ..he hugs me or puts his arm around my sohulder (liek he would with any toher friend) and i get butterflies....and cant stop tihnking aobut it for days
    .. or he says something like "i love you"..(also like he woudl to any other friend) and it gets to me ... or ill tihnk about it for a while and re-picture him saying it over and over...
    i know for a fact however that my thougts are not lstful towards him.. because im not jealous of the girl he like sor of any other girls that i know hes closer wiht.. also i care more about him as a person and i dont notice his looks... i know that i like him because hes him and not because of lustful thoughts... however when in a situation like thse i listed above i get a wierd reaction liek the butterflies... i dont know.. should i tell him so he stops or should i leave it as it is?
  • Mark423Mark423
    He shouldn't be hugging you or putting his arm around you in the first place. Tell him to stop touching you period.
  • egyprincessegyprincess
    I agree with Mark. this is why the church tells us not to get too close with the other sex because you never know wat he/she is thinking. I know ur situation Youst. ur not exactly in an easy position. my advice to u, even though it will be hard to do, but it works, is try to avoid those situations. if that is not possible, take him aside and tell him that it makes u uncomfortable. if he is truly ur friend, he’ll understand and stop.
    one more comment, u said “know for a fact however that my thougts are not lstful towards him.. because im not jealous of the girl he like sor of any other girls that i know hes closer wiht.. also i care more about him as a person and i dont notice his looks... i know that i like him because hes him and not because of lustful thoughts... however when in a situation like thse i listed above i get a wierd reaction liek the butterflies... i dont know.. should i tell him so he stops or should i leave it as it is?” u may not agree with me and im not saying this as a fact, im merely saying this from experience, that ur positive that ur thoughts are not lustful, the devil could be making u convince that. u and I are too young for thoughts like that. trust. if they r true, then I don’t know wat to tell. hope this helps
  • PaulhPaulh
    i agree with mark on this one, and no, you shouldn't say anything to him, because it may make him stop touching you, but he will know that u like him, and if at any time his feelings change towards you, and he starts to like you, he won't be scared to say anything, and you'll be stuck in a relationship. and if u read all the posts and a few from some of the other threads, you'll see from a lot of the posters' experiences, that they all ended up hurt from the relationship. don't let him find out how u feel. just keep praying and reading from the bible so that u could lose these feelings, but telling him won't make things easier for u at all, and it won't be easier for you to stay out of a relationship.
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    Youst i don't know for how long you knew that person but when you think you like somebody please try to keep in mind sometimes you like a person because you just like them and other times you like a person because you got used to them. I don't mean as getting used to him as getting to know him no what i mean is talking to him on regular basis (as a friend) he caring for you or you caring for him getting too close as friends to the point that you think you are beyond the friends level. It is very hard to know the difference between VERY CLOSE friends and liking a person as "loving" them
    because if you like a person because you got too used to him you will get hurt more anything.
  • mike_henainmike_henain
    Youst, watch what you are doing, because it can harm you..... do not fool with such things because it's these things that lead to worse things, you should always ask urself, would Jesus do that? Am I folowing Christ's commandments?


    Defender
  • G.J.IG.J.I
    i know this may sound shallow, but, wat r u suppose to do wen u know, for sure, that some1 has crush on you...
  • egyprincessegyprincess
    well G.J.I, if there is no intention of, how should i say this, evolving the relationship, then try to aviod the person. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    well as egyprincess said if you don't have intetions to engage that person in the future then I think you should explain to them (if not egyptian) why you are not dating at the time being or why you don't agree with the concept of dating. But if that person is egyptian and you know that person has a crush on you but you don't on them, don't say anything just stay friends BUT try not to be affected by the crush. What i mean is this when you know somebody likes you and you don't feel the same way about them but you are close friends or interact with that person a lot you eventally get the feeling that you maybe do like that person by you don't know it but in fact you don't.
    And if you get to that point and start a realtionship with that person it will end really quick and you will get hurt other than anything else
    Hopefully that make some sense
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