forgiveness

edited December 1969 in Faith Issues
hi

one of my non-orthodox friends has been having some personal trouble. lately one of her exboyfriends (went out for eight months) has been asking her to get back together w/him, and she was about to. but one night she went to the movies w/her family and saw him w/another girl. kissing. she was really upset. well this isn't the first time he had done this. while they were going out, he cheated on her 3 times if not more. she usually forgives him after a couple of months. anyway... well i told her about the coptic churches view on dating. but i thought if she forgives him, he would never learn and do this to her over and over agian. but recently we had a bible study about forgiveness. so that made me wonder if she should forgive him or just ignore him and put him out of her life. also, when i was say "Our Father who art... " i realized that we say "forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS" so that made me wonder what she should do. what do you think she should do?

God Bless

Comments

  • she should forgive him and then keep him in her life only as a friend because she could very well get hurt again. Forgiving him doesn't mean going out with him again, it just means being understanding of the weakness of others, not holding it against them, and erasing it from your memory (this is ideal forgiveness, when anyone actually forgives its not as easy as 1,2,3. it takes time).
  • hi

    so, is it ok if she forgives him but not completely
    also is it ok if she feels he isn't worth her time?
  • cremedelescremes made a very good point

    she should forgive him, but leave him because obviously he's not doing her any good. saying that he isnt worth her time puts her in a position of much superiourity, and the whole idea of humbling oneself through forgiveness is kinda taken away at that point.

    from what i think, she should just forgive him and that's that... no need to put lables on him such as 'not worth her time' or 'player' or whatever- just seperate herself from him.

    if she still has feelings for him, she should probably cut off the friendship until she can get over him, so as to avoid making mistakes...
    but if she thinks that she's over him and wants to be friends, then she can enjoy his friendship as long as it doesnt spark any other feelings or whatnot, cuz i dont think she wants that

    just my 0.5 cents

    take care and God bless
    pray for me
  • brilliant stuff crazycopt couldnt hav sed it better :) ;) :D

    GB ALL
    +FROG+
  • hmmmm...

    thats a tuph question but im sure theres a simple answer.

    now we do have to forgive everyone all the time as many times as needed. think about all the sins God has to forgive, thats a tough job.

    however, one must not be near sighted or naive. be strong and look for the best answer. while forgiving him may make her feel better, think of all the other girls hes hurting. the girls hes cheating on her with probably have no clue and so thats like 10 grls hes hurting. maybe if she broke off all ties then his sin will not double. dating and cheating, thats a bigge.
  • I have seen that happen before and surprisngly enough...the girl i knw still went back to that guy...but I knw she does love him thou...
    It's kinda of confusing...but if I was in her place...i would forgive him and if I still love him I would have went back to him...that's wut forgivness is all abt...u forgive a person b/c u love them
    God forgives us because He loves us...and he doesn't say oh if i forgive them...they will just keep on doing it....He still forgive us every time we fall knowing that this will just keep happening on and on...but one day we will go back to Him and see His love for us...
    That guy might stop doing that and come back to her...b/c he loved her at least once.

    Yeah i knw people are gonna argue abt me comparing the stituation to our relationship w/ God...but that's how I personally see it...
  • [quote author=Marianne87 link=board=1;threadid=1456;start=0#msg23772 date=1113676928]
    I have seen that happen before and surprisngly enough...the girl i knw still went back to that guy...but I knw she does love him thou...
    It's kinda of confusing...but if I was in her place...i would forgive him and if I still love him I would have went back to him...that's wut forgivness is all abt...u forgive a person b/c u love them
    God forgives us because He loves us...and he doesn't say oh if i forgive them...they will just keep on doing it....He still forgive us every time we fall knowing that this will just keep happening on and on...but one day we will go back to Him and see His love for us...
    That guy might stop doing that and come back to her...b/c he loved her at least once.

    Yeah i knw people are gonna argue abt me comparing the stituation to our relationship w/ God...but that's how I personally see it...


    Your comparison is very understandeable and if this was a marriage, i would be behind you 100%, but its not, they're dating, the whole point of dating is to find someone mature with good values who doesn't hurt you.
  • its hard bein her friend an telin her dis or tryin 2 give da right advice without hurtin her but ask her wat she wants- does she want 2 go out wif him again
    - god said 2 forgive so she should try, its hard especially ina situation like this but don let her do anythin shes uncomfortable in doin
    god bless
    mazza
  • Spot on awad, couldn't have been said better.

    It is know that such relationships are not exactly perfect (especially at teenage).

    It seems that we all agree on the response to such a situation. However we often forget that the problem comes from attatchment. What I mean by the this When ppl say " Oh, I love him so much I'd forgive him anything." "He still loves..." and so on...

    This so called is nothen but blibd infatuation. A relationship based on love is a two-way thing. You can't just love the other person if they dont sincerely love you, becauae you will be loving amiss! A true love is one that is as St.Paul said :

    Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
    does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
    does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
    bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    1 Corinthians 3:4-7

    To be quite frank, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at general level(i.e. not leading to marrage) doesn't USUALLY, usually involve the Love st.Paul was talknig about in corinthinans.

    ...But that's just my imression anyway...

    Love
  • wow thats reely nyc His Son thats heeps gr8 coodnt have sed it betta i agree 110%

    GB ALL
    +FROG+
  • Jesus doesn't want us getting hurt be peoople right left and center. what He wants is to always frogive but "be as wise as serpants, but as harmless as doves" forgive him and then walk away from him. if he hurt her 3, 4, 5 times, hes bound to do it again and again and again..till every girl he meets he hurts. sometimes the only way to teach a lesson is tough love.
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