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On Divorce
I was wondering what the church teaches on divorce, I know it is not accepted but are there any special circumstances etc.?
Comments
Sexual immorality and marital unfaithfulness are in essence the same thing.
How is this so? You can be maritally unfaithful without committing adultery with the person. Don't you think its wrong that instead of running to your spouse about good/bad news, your run to someone else(whether they are of the opposite sex or not) is not the best? You can live with someone and be complete strangers. There is no mental/spiritual or even physical connection between the two. I'm not vouching this is grounds for divorce but being unfaithful in my opinion isn't simply committing adultery
How is this so? You can be maritally unfaithful without committing adultery with the person. Don't you think its wrong that instead of running to your spouse about good/bad news, your run to someone else(whether they are of the opposite sex or not) is not the best? You can live with someone and be complete strangers. There is no mental/spiritual or even physical connection between the two. I'm not vouching this is grounds for divorce but being unfaithful in my opinion isn't simply committing adultery
I guess I never took such a scenario into account. I was thinking on a more drastic level when you said marital unfaithfulness. jydeacon is correct, marital unfaithfulness isn't necessarily adultery. However, adultery is most obviously marital unfaithfulness, but it is also the most drastic example of marital unfaithfulness. The scenario that jydeacon just mentioned should not be considered a scenario where the couple divorces but rather should be taken as a scenario that both members have to fix if they want to live in a Godly household and know that their vows of matrimony are as strong as they were on the wedding day.
Divorce is the worst word in the Church.
Divorce is the cause of 90% of the problems in the United States.
Divorce as set forth by the Church is allowed relative to:
1. spousal infidelity
2. a spouse apostate
3. a psychological disposition that is not amenable to treatment whereby the person is not
capable of rational judgment.
the situation u describe sounds like one which needs specialist spiritual advice.
eg from a priest who knows both people, or if that is not possible, by a personal message to a friend on tasbeha.org.
just not loving each other, or one (or both) people not caring and being distant is not grounds for divorce in our church. but it is an important reason to get spiritual advice and ask for prayers.
all marriages go through difficult times, and some through very difficult times.
God gives grace and the ability to forgive to those who follow Him and ask Him for help.
may God guide this situation
your friend, mabsoota
what about spousal abuse? Isn't that grounds for divorce?
I think the Bible only mentions adultery, I'm not sure though...
1. Adultery
2. Abandoning your religion (there is a word but i dont rmeember it right now)
everything else, you'll need a priest to give you the final decision
It seems to me that all of the recent changes in the consideration of marriage, and especially divorce, by our hierarchy have always had this desire to positively promote and nurture a high view of marriage, through difficult as well as pleasant times in the lives of particular couples. The Church does not wish to make divorce easy because divorce itself is spiritually harmful to those whose marriages fail, just as living in a damaged marriage can be difficult and spiritually harmful. The Church wishes us to understand that a damaged marriage can be healed as being based on a sacrament, while a divorce is final.
Nevertheless, the present rules seem to allow for divorce in the case of adultery, and (as I just heard from a recent explanation by His Holiness) also in the case of apostasy. (The case he described was when one partner became a Jehovah's Witness and thereby ceased to be a Christian).
The question of spousal abuse is difficult, and I know of those who suffer criminal harm at the hands of their spouses. It seems to me, and who am I, that the Church has grounds for not wishing to open the doors to divorce for the reason of having a difficult spouse, but should take an absolutely sympathetic and pastoral approach, especially in the cases where there has been or is likely to be violent behaviour on the part of the spouse. The Church must surely take care of those in such circumstances, and perhaps we priests fail in our duties in such regards sometimes, but I am not convinced that divorce is the right response, as long as some form of separation and protection in the case of violence is supported.
There is, in the end, a need for us to make commitments and see them through, for better and for worse. (I am never, ever excusing spousal violence, whether physical, sexual or even verbal). Sometimes it seems to me that we can say that we cannot live with such a person any more, but that is not the same as saying that we are not married anymore.
Sometimes a child/teenager becomes so disruptive that we must take them out of the home and place them in care somewhere. This certainly shows that the familial relationship has broken down, but it does not mean that the relationship of parent and child ceases to exist, or can cease to exist. Is this an imperfect analogy? Probably.
Certainly sexual and spiritual adultery have effects which destroy relationships. The point at which spousal abuse, as opposed to just not getting on with someone, are justification for divorce is not clear. But in all cases the priest should surely be supportive of both parties, sometimes weeping with one and chastising the other. He should always have in mind the personal, physical and psychological safety of his spiritual child. Very often the break down of such a relationship is not grounds for abandoning the sacrament of marriage, and the one who preserves themself with faithfulness must surely be rewarded even if the other party acts with a grace denying cruelty.
I have received the grace of priesthood and can nourish it by my spiritual life, or diminish it. But I can never not be an Orthodox who has received the grace of priesthood, even if I can become one who has abandoned such grace. I cannot get back to where I was before because I have received something that has changed who I am. It seems to me that the grace of the sacrament of marriage is the same. We can never get back to where we were before we received it. Therefore we must move forward and onward seeking more grace, even if abandoned by the other party in our marriage, even if badly treated, because we are always ourselves married once we have received this grace. (This never, ever excuses violence. Violence is always sin, and usually a crime. No spouse ever has the right to hurt the other physically, sexually or mentally and any culture which says that a man, especially, may do so, is not Christian).
Father Peter
and don't know how to fix it
I saved it in my computer and email anyway
I was always taught that the spouse that is cheated on have the right to divorce the other spouse and be able to married again....generally speaking. It's not a must but rather a choice that the spouse must take. most of the time people just follow the culture and divorce. But for someone to accept his/her spouse repentance and still live with them, this is a great cross that will not be forgotten by God.
"Let him (or her) who is without sin cast the first stone".
But there are those who even though they forgive their spouse cannot in all honesty continue in marriage with them, and the Church understands this.
But it is a concession not a commandment.
Father Peter
God bless
Father Peter
Don't say you can not learn anything about marriage from them. It is not true. I am sure people have been to marriage counselors in the past and have benefited.
God knows all who are honest and those who are not