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please help me, I love her and she considers me as only a brother
Hi all,
I really need some help with my story, I hope that it is approperiate to post it on this website but I really really need your opinions to help me.
I'm a 23 year old guy, working as an engineer and have a stable life. One of my best friends (a girl from church and she is 19) is a very close person to my heart, I do admit that I have feelings for her but there is a problem here: I know really well that this girl is not prepared for marriage at all, simply because she just finished high school and she is entering University, secondly is that I'm sure 100% that she considers me as only a brother and a good friend of her but nothing more. Thirdly I know that my parents will not be very happy if I get married to her. Now I'm not very sure about what to do, she is in the front of my eyes all the time simply because we are good friends and we are a part of a small group of youth in our church. She is also very nice to me (but only as a brother). What is upsetting me is that I cannot stop my feelings towards her and I feel that my feelings started to be like a line that is hanging me to it. Please I really really need your help with what to do because I personally don't know how to help myself and I feel very very depressed, because I feel that I want to talk to her a lot but on the same time I try to block it so that I don't develop more feelings for her, this tears me apart from inside, it causes me a lot to sit in my room depressed and cry, I prayed to God a lot to help me, but I'm just very bad and I start questioning God about why I loved this girl even though I'm sure that we will never get married, I sometimes ask about about why he didn't make this girl as only a friend to me?. I really really apologize if this topic is not approperiate to be posted on this website, please tell me if this topic is not approperiate and I will delete it,
thanks
I really need some help with my story, I hope that it is approperiate to post it on this website but I really really need your opinions to help me.
I'm a 23 year old guy, working as an engineer and have a stable life. One of my best friends (a girl from church and she is 19) is a very close person to my heart, I do admit that I have feelings for her but there is a problem here: I know really well that this girl is not prepared for marriage at all, simply because she just finished high school and she is entering University, secondly is that I'm sure 100% that she considers me as only a brother and a good friend of her but nothing more. Thirdly I know that my parents will not be very happy if I get married to her. Now I'm not very sure about what to do, she is in the front of my eyes all the time simply because we are good friends and we are a part of a small group of youth in our church. She is also very nice to me (but only as a brother). What is upsetting me is that I cannot stop my feelings towards her and I feel that my feelings started to be like a line that is hanging me to it. Please I really really need your help with what to do because I personally don't know how to help myself and I feel very very depressed, because I feel that I want to talk to her a lot but on the same time I try to block it so that I don't develop more feelings for her, this tears me apart from inside, it causes me a lot to sit in my room depressed and cry, I prayed to God a lot to help me, but I'm just very bad and I start questioning God about why I loved this girl even though I'm sure that we will never get married, I sometimes ask about about why he didn't make this girl as only a friend to me?. I really really apologize if this topic is not approperiate to be posted on this website, please tell me if this topic is not approperiate and I will delete it,
thanks
Comments
Speak with your parents, or your FOC. I say this as a person in his early twenties. I am surprised how much they understand us, and they bring a wealth of experience. It is a good way to have a mutual reasoning with your folks. With depression, it is always good to expose your problem so that the problem can be resolved.
i do agree with clay. if u want to solve this solve it with ur FOC or ur parents they will help u!!!
What you are experiencing now, is something that many people went through some time in their lives. I for one have. But what you are describing is not depression at all. Don't worry, and don't exaggerate things; this is not helpful. Anyway, you said you are praying; well do that more and don't expect a quick response from God. God always gives us time to reflect on things, and to act upon things. So start acting please. He didn't make you love her; He doesn't make us destined to something, but He gives us choices out of our freewill, and yes even those emotional things are choices in the first place. Yes, they are; brain acts subtly to bring more and more information about someone, getting her closer to the heart, and loving her. So start doing the opposite - not by hating her, but by seeing her and winding down your relationship with her to a purely friendly one. I expect you to understand what I am talking about, because you said you are working as an engineer. To me you look like (especially as a 23 year-old) a new graduate, and have only recently started working. Recently means within the last six to twelve months. You will grow being more practical in your attitude, so try to make good use of your work. Like try to get absorbed in your work, in projects, in designs, or even involve yourself in these hobbies at home if your work is not that vigorous till now.
Pray more to God, and don't blame yourself for anything, or try to cut her out of your life or forgetting her, as this won't do you any good. Just change your feelings gradually towards her. I won't be wrong if I tell you "man, I trust in you, you can do it" :-).
God bless you and pray for us a lot
your story has greatly touched my heart, because I've heard many stories a lot similar to yours. My cousin was about to get married to this guy, but she didn't feel too comfortable with him, she felt that this isn't going to work for her, because she doesn't feel the same way about him as he does about her, so she began to go to multiple monasteries and pray from all her heart, for several months, and her mom disapproved of her breaking off the engagements, she also talked to bishops and priests and got their side of the story to help her, and she ever talked to my mom, my grandma, my uncle (Abouna Maximos) and in a few days this bishop, that no one has heard of, came and visited her, and started talking to her parents and told my aunt that my cousin needs to do what is best for her, and don't interfere with her personal life, she chooses best, so the point is that my cousin prayed with all her heart and soul and eventually broke off the marriage. I'm not saying that this is as similar as your situation, but I'm saying that if you really love her than visit monasteries that are close to you, or churches that have relics of the saints there and go pray, this takes time, it's not easy I know, but you might find out that it really helps, as many people said talk to bishops, and even if your parents disapprove, and you care about what they think of this marriage than go and talk to them, they might have something to say that might eventually help you with arranging this. PRAY PRAY PRAY, don't doubt God on his intentions for you, he is there to help you have a great life, live it as if there is no tomorrow!! If you don't pray or talk to bishops/priests, your hope that was to marry this girl might come to a close, just wait for her, with open arms!!
Forever,
Coptic Servent
God's wisdom is beyound anyone's understanding!
just pray and let god do the rest
everyone takes what is written for him and what god has planned for you in what is going to happen! u may not know what it is, but u need to patience and u will find out what god has in plan for you!
God's wisdom is beyound anyone's understanding!
just pray and let god do the rest
i would like to add something from the bible of wut i quoted.....................
1 Corinthians 13:4-10
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
your sister in Christ. :)
Also, you must speak to your father of confession regarding the issue.
Peace
in tha name of jesus i want to provide an advise to u.
you are now at a critical age which is from 16 uptill 26 , your sense is very smooth and sensitive.
you must convience yourself that there is a big difference between loving a girl and getting a wise wife for marriage , generally when u love somebody u dont see his mistakes.
you must believe that you will suffer because it is the normal corse of growing up to be a skill and good man , you must go through pain and then u depend on your god and mind to get the suitable wife but not now at all.
also you must be sure that your mind is pure of any desire , a wife means a supportive second half and not a body , marriage is life and not desire or just a woman that you loved her.
Tadros Safwat
CPA
www.babakerols.com
very wise, *regretful+sinner*.
thnx!!!
bentBABAyasooa`
you gotta get inside her head and make her think about you!
You can't make anyone change their feelings. Give her some breathing room.
PLease help me, please :'(
I dunno if this is outragious...but try to get farther away from that person.... trying getting a bettr frend so u dont spend that much time with her and if she is really ur Best frend..tell her that she is causing u a lot of troubles..if she is ur best frend she would understand perfectly...after all if she is ur best frend, she wouldn't want to cause u to get lusts and "feelings"...
Correct me if i am wrong and i hope i helped..even if it is a little bit..
God Bless
coptic Pharaoh
I already had a talk with my FOC, and he told me that once she was confessing and then he asked her if she would consider marriage any soon, she told him that she is not thinking about this at all now and that she will rather wait till she finishes off her studies and stuff, which means not less than 5 or 6 years from now. So my FOC told me that I beter not think about her as a spouse and think of getting married to anyone else. she is really my best friend, but I cannot tell her that she is causing me a lot of trouble, I don't want to upset her or hurt her feelings, I don't want to upset me after all what she has done for me, she has always been beside me when I was upset, she always asks about me, I cannot just go and tell her: "Can you please just keep away from me?". This will make her get deeply hurt because she will think that after all what she has done for me and I'm rewarding her by hurting her feelings. In this case if I felt that I hurt her feelings, I will feel even worse because I will feel that I hurt her. but somehow I'm convinced with what you are saying that I have to keep away for a bit of time from her. I think that I have to just leave everything to God and He will sort it out for me, but there are times when I feel very depressed and lonely and confused. I just feel that I'm out of hands, I cannot do anything, Life is just so so so hard sometimes, I thought about seeking a therapist because this subject is causing me continuous depression and depression is not a good sign and is a serious illness.
God be with you all, I really need your help, any feedback will help me to overcome this difficult time in my life
A girl I know likes me a lot, and I know for sure that if I ask her she'll accept. But I have no feelings for her at all. Also, the parents from both sides see it as a good match, but I just don't see it. We are two very different personalities, and there is no "click" there that I've had in other relationships (not dating, just friendships, etc.)
I really feel bad, but 1), i'm not ready for marriage, and 2) i have no feelings for her whatsoever.
The problem, though, is that she really is stuck on me.
I am not sure what to do...pray for me guys.
I don't mean to take over your thread, but I'm in a similar situation, except from the other side.
A girl I know likes me a lot, and I know for sure that if I ask her she'll accept. But I have no feelings for her at all. Also, the parents from both sides see it as a good match, but I just don't see it. We are two very different personalities, and there is no "click" there that I've had in other relationships (not dating, just friendships, etc.)
I really feel bad, but 1), i'm not ready for marriage, and 2) i have no feelings for her whatsoever.
The problem, though, is that she really is stuck on me.
I am not sure what to do...pray for me guys.
servant of God,
My cousin was in a similar situation, here is the story, unless you've already read it: My cousin was about to get married to this guy, but she didn't feel too comfortable with him, she felt that this isn't going to work for her, because she doesn't feel the same way about him as he does about her, so she began to go to multiple monasteries and pray from all her heart, for several months, and her mom disapproved of her breaking off the engagements, she also talked to bishops and priests and got their side of the story to help her, and she ever talked to my mom, my grandma, my uncle (Abouna Maximos) and in a few days this bishop, that no one has heard of, came and visited her, and started talking to her parents and told my aunt that my cousin needs to do what is best for her, and don't interfere with her personal life, she chooses best, so the point is that my cousin prayed with all her heart and soul and eventually broke off the marriage. I'm not saying that this is as similar as your situation, but I'm saying that if you really love her than visit monasteries that are close to you, or churches that have relics of the saints there and go pray, this takes time, it's not easy I know, but you might find out that it really helps, as many people said talk to bishops, and even if your parents disapprove, and you care about what they think of this marriage than go and talk to them, they might have something to say that might eventually help you with arranging this. PRAY PRAY PRAY, don't doubt God on his intentions for you, he is there to help you have a great life, live it as if there is no tomorrow!!
Forever,
Coptic Servent
Let it rest. Move on. Don't make it into a soap opera.
You can't make anyone change their feelings. Give her some breathing room.
lol.... So blunt.
bro as hard as it may sound to accept, this guy's advise is correct.
If you're all over her she will never want you, so just walk away from it all. If she wants / loves you, she'll come after ya, if not then its an obvious sign.
Now let me tell you the best part!!
In the Coptic church, according to recent census taking in the Sydney dioces (Australia), it was found that the ratio of wommen to men was 4 to 1 (ages 18-25). So, between 5 blokes, there is 20 wommen to choose from (simple maths 5*4=20). If 2 of the 5 get married, there remain 18 wommen for the remaining 3 men. And if 2 of the remaining 3 men get married then the last man will be left with 16 wommen to choose from! (This emphasises the verse of those who are last shall be first!)
So as you can see, there is a plethora of wommen to choose from, all of whom want to get married. So take your time, and realise that you can't loose!
As for the depression part, if you get over your feelings for her, you wont be as depressed. Start hanging out with ur mates more, go out play games and be outgoing.
Stop hanging out with her.
Prayers of the Saints be with you!!
say to ur self she is nice to me becuase i am close to God and love God and the joy of chirst surrounds us to be firendly in purity.
get some projects go visit some churches overseas.
waht ever u do doint tell her how u feel .
hope that helps
I live in a small country, and we have only one church in this country, and variety of girls for marriage from the church is very small. and my parents are keeping on pressuring me to get married. I fight daily about this subject becuase they always tell me that they want me to get married, and I just tell them not now, this is simply because I don't like any of the girls from church except just this girl that I'm talking about.
My parents are now forcing me to immigrate to another country that has more coptic churches so that I can find someone to marry, but this will mean that I will leave the country that I love, I will leave the job that I love, and also leave the church that I really love and have lots of service for.
I'm just sick and tired of thinking, I think a lot till i feel that every single organ in my body is sore and in pain. I have tried seeing a psycologist, but still that didn't have any effect on the depression that I have. the hardest thing is that I know that I love someone all that love but on the same time I cannot even say to her that I have feelings for her, even though me and her are more than best friends. I always feel that she is the closest person to my heart. I tried to keep away from her so that I can forget her love, but I still loved her and couldn't forget about her. I also upset from myself because sometimes I ask God about why he allows this much pain to be inside my heart in a continuous manner like this. I really don't know what to do, your help is much appreciated. I know that some of you are getting sick of this topic, even getting sick of me as well.....but I really need help much more than any other time in my life, I cannot take a decision about what to do, I'm confused, in pain, very hurt, even devestated.
What makes it even worse is that my parents have fights all the time with each other, I never find peace at home, whenever I finish work and just enter my house and I find the fights start. fights over the smallest and most idle thing. I always find my dad comparing me with others, I always feel that he is not satisfied with anything I do, even I'm (with the blessing of the lord) very sucessful in everything I do in my life, I graduated from engineering degree with honours, I worked in one of the biggest industrial componies, I have a great service at church and everyone in church loves me. But I always find no return from dad regarding that, I always feel that he looks down at me and always puts me down. I just cannot find happines at all at home. My dad is always saying good things about every guy in the church except me. Trust me I have never done anything bad to my parents, I'm always good with them. Our church even envy my parents that they have a son like me. But I never felt that they appreciate anything that I do, especially my dad. I know that my dad loves me, but I need to see that from him, I also wish to find happiness at home, because work is very stressfull, and when I return home I wish to find a place to rest phyically and most importantly emotionally. Especially that I'm in much pain from that Girl's subject, so I just feel that everything in life is just against me. I feel terrible and hurt because of this girl's subject, I feel hurt from my parents, I don't find happiness and rest at home, I just don't know what to do, if anyone can help then it would be great.
I'm very sorry for the long post, I hope I'm not annoying anyone by my post