falling out of love?!!

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
I have a problem,

I am kinda of engaged "means, I have a ring but no debla yet and we didn't go through the engagment ceremony yet!" I used to have very strong feelings for that person, bas now the feelings are not as strong as they were.  There are things that are stressing me out right now, actions that i have done that i wasn't sure about, overstressed with school and work and family, and my lil bro dah haga tanya khalas!

I don't want to azlam that person with me, and no there is not someone else that came in my life....... the person i am with right now IS PERFECT for me! bas i don't know what's wrong with me, when we talk we don't have that much fun anymore! he lost in contact with me for about a month or so (nothing has to do with us arguing, it was technical issues) 

Once in my life, I had very strong feelings for him but now i feel annoyed when we talk for a while, and then i kinda cheer up and get in the mood to talk to him tany.....
Make sense?

bentBABAyasooa`

Comments

  • Long distance relationships don't work out, settle this by the prayers of el adra wel kedeseen hopefully they will seek guidance for you!!

    Forever,
    Coptic Servent
  • [quote author=Coptic Servent link=topic=6316.msg83379#msg83379 date=1204603889]
    Long distance relationships don't work out, settle this by the prayers of el adra wel kedeseen hopefully they will seek guidance for you!!

    Forever,
    Coptic Servent


    that is the only relationship that my parents want me to have is someone from egypt! because they say all the youth here are not that dedicated to their egyption tradition because they have adopted sooo much to the american culture.
  • Rely on the one above, and put your problem in his hands, almost everyone I know that's egypt and coptic orthodox are raised that way, but still I wasn't trying to put you down, although it may seem that way, but on the contrary, if you are dedicated so much to this engagement and you want it to work out, the leave it up to God to decide your future!!

    Forever,
    Coptic Servent
  • onli u noe how u feel at the moment and time will tell whether those feelings u have are goin to committ u to a marriage or not....as sed previoulsy pray...and think about wat u want and where u want to go....disregards ur parents wishes 4 the moment and srsly think about ur happiness...its good that ur honest wif urself, most ppl refuse to acknowledge doubt

    now my personal opinion about marrying people from overseas lol big no no...in my opinion no woman has visa or ticket written on their forehead....some arranged marriages work some dont...but dont force sumfin to happen if its not meant to be...

    a guy will be a guy regardless of where he's from....finding sum from egypt is always easier....but jus coz someone is brought up in america doesnt neccesarily mean they will neglect their orgins and culture....everyone is diff...

    alas all in all...time will tell n thru prayers n gods willl u will find happiness no matter wat path u chose ;) give it time...we all question our selves at some point in our lives...

    God bless n take care
  • I second the above ^
    Especially the overseas marrige thing... It's just not as easy as it seems... ie, people from different countries have different behaviours, morals, values, etc... and life with someone so different let alone raising children with them just doesn't seem to have a future in my eyes.

    Just an oppinion, I don't actually know him but I know that you have very strong beliefs just from reading your posts and if they don't align with his  -> PROBLEMOOOO!

    God be with you in any decision you make, ask for His will to be done.
    +God Bless
  • Dear bentBABAYasou',
    Amazing that all the replies you got so far are from ladies as you are. Let me see if you will benefit from mine though :).
    First of all; it is very natural for our emotions to fluctuate. Sometimes they are sky high, and sometimes they are on an all-time low. That is OK. The most important thing for us is not to take decisions which stem from our emotions at a single point, so that we don't regret taking them in the future. What I mean is you take all the time in the world; don't make decisions in the next week, or next month; give yourself more time. With prayers and attendance of Liturgies all the way through of course.
    OK, now my experience is that arranged marriages don't often work; a high percentage of them don't work, but I am talking mostly about non-Egyptians. The good thing is that you started by having good emotions towards that guy. The longer the period you stay together you are bound to have these ups and downs. In all honesty, I felt like I couldn't hang on to my relationship with Phoebe (my wife now) for ages (I proposed two and half years before marriage, and got engaged one and half years before marriage). What I always found it helpful is my visits to Egypt. These helped bring us closer, and narrow the great distance between us. Mind you, I have only visited Egypt four times in that period for a total of seventy days (two to three weeks each visit). This is my personal opinion; I may find that guy worth more than an Egyptian born and bred in America. Having said that I live in the UK now, and I don't know how American people are like, but at least my brother lives there, so I have got some feeling about it. At least Americans are closer to Egyptians in style than the British are, who are way too far from Egyptian way of life. Bottomline is keep praying and let every thing take its course.
    God bless you and pray for us a lot
  • [quote author=ophadece link=topic=6316.msg83402#msg83402 date=1204629686]
    Dear bentBABAYasou',
    The most important thing for us is not to take decisions which stem from our emotions at a single point, so that we don't regret taking them in the future. What I mean is you take all the time in the world; don't make decisions in the next week, or next month; give yourself more time. With prayers and attendance of Liturgies all the way through of course.


    I have taken alot of decisions lately that i have regreted.  Maybe i am just annoyed from things going on maybe from life it self.  bas begad there is a barrier between us now..... i can't talk comfortably with him now, I feel annoyed!  But i promise you i won't take any actions right now, i will take my time because if i am wrong now i don't want to lose the best thing that has happened in my life, I don't want to lose to  him.

    My engagment is not arranged (thank god)!  We just met through my parents, and i wasn't forced to go out with him or talk to him or get to know him.  I did all of that voluntarly.

    pray for me,
    bentBABAyasooa`
  • Dear bentBABAyasooa,
    I can say that it is a positive factor that your engagement wasn't an arranged one, and that you made al your decisions to start with. I think as you agreed to taking your time, this time round, you will make the right decision being patient and not rushing things.
    God bless you and pray for us a lot
  • I cleared what was bothering me..... I was arguing with him and told him things are not the same as they used to between us..... and he thought there was someone else :( and then i felt i was realy losing him.... and losing him is the last thing i want, actualy i don't want to lose him......... so i don't even know how or where it came from bas i started to tell him what was realy realy bothering me, and at first i didn't even know what was bothering me.  and what was bothering me is that my older brother moved away, and now my parents rely on me for things like doc app. doc visits, bills, checks, banks, out side home activities and sooo on..... and i have to check with my lil bro's teachers to see if he is on the right track or not etc...... and i ended up droping a class because i don't have the time to do the work that was required for me to do! and to me school is important, that's one of my top priorities and i have neglected that lately!  :-[
    i have been annoyed for like a month and a 1/2!
    so i am realy glad to get that off my chest and feel like myself again begad noshkor rabana!
    and thank god everything between me and my fience are great and fine!
    Thank you all for your prayers and your concerns!
    I realy do appriciate your help! and it's good to know I have good people that got my back! :)

    Thank you again, and please keep praying for me and for my fience, and our families!
    bentBABAyasooa`
  • sometimes when your loved one is a bit far from you it is hard to explain what you are feeling and alot of misunderstanding can happen due to 'not choosing the right words' or 'being stressed/over loaded' and you just feel u want that person to stand in front of you and look into your eyes and be able to understand exactly what is going on deep inside you.

    obviously, you are not falling out of love  :) because you love him!

    just dont let the difficulties that you face in your life make you lose the love of your life. and i am sure ur fiance can understand that sometimes u can feel that it is all too much and u need a break. please explain to him so that nothing goes wrong in the future.

    and something to cheer you up: think about after you graduate and get married and how he is going to be standing beside you for the good and for the bad and you will share everything and he will be there to support you and you can build your lives together. im not saying that by getting married you will move to fairy-land..lol its not all gonna be problem-free..in fact, its only the start  :o hahahaha lol Bless you
  • [quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=6316.msg86688#msg86688 date=1209820029]
    im not saying that by getting married you will move to fairy-land..lol its not all gonna be problem-free..in fact, its only the start  :o hahahaha lol Bless you

    hahahaha.....

    very wise indeed!  :-*
    I realy do love him, he is the best thing ever! and I am thankfull for it :)

    pray for me,
    bentBABAyasooa`
  • [quote author=bentBABAyasooa` link=topic=6316.msg86698#msg86698 date=1209826868]
    [quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=6316.msg86688#msg86688 date=1209820029]
    im not saying that by getting married you will move to fairy-land..lol its not all gonna be problem-free..in fact, its only the start  :o hahahaha lol Bless you

    hahahaha.....

    very wise indeed!  :-*
    I realy do love him, he is the best thing ever! and I am thankfull for it :)

    pray for me,
    bentBABAyasooa`


    rabena ma3ako!
  • [quote author=bentBABAyasooa` link=topic=6316.msg83378#msg83378 date=1204603574]
    I have a problem,

    I am kinda of engaged "means, I have a ring but no debla yet and we didn't go through the engagment ceremony yet!" I used to have very strong feelings for that person, bas now the feelings are not as strong as they were.  There are things that are stressing me out right now, actions that i have done that i wasn't sure about, overstressed with school and work and family, and my lil bro dah haga tanya khalas!

    I don't want to azlam that person with me, and no there is not someone else that came in my life....... the person i am with right now IS PERFECT for me! bas i don't know what's wrong with me, when we talk we don't have that much fun anymore! he lost in contact with me for about a month or so (nothing has to do with us arguing, it was technical issues) 

    Once in my life, I had very strong feelings for him but now i feel annoyed when we talk for a while, and then i kinda cheer up and get in the mood to talk to him tany.....
    Make sense?

    bentBABAyasooa`



    Hangon Bentababayasoo3a,

    You are way over your head already with studying and work?? No??
    You definately don't need the stress right now? Mish-fahem. Are u serious about passing this year?

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