I feel really depressed......please I need help

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi All
I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I have a problem that I'm stuck in and I really really need help

I will be open and talk about everything with all of you:

I'm nearly 23 and I used to love a girl from our church, we are very close frineds and I honestly used to love her from all my heart. the girl is turning 19 this year,

I thought about proposing to her this year and see what she says, but unfortunately some circumstances happened that caused the whole story to end. Which means that I will never get married to her. Maybe that's God's will, ahhh i don't know

I do really feel bad and upset because i still love her, and I don't know what to do. I feel very upset when i see her in church, simply because I just know that I won't be able to marry her ever. Can anyone help me and tell me what to do with this problem?? its causing me to feel upset all the time and I really can't continue life without help from someone. I tried talking with my parents and FOC and they told me to pray and to wait because God definitely has someone else for me. I tried to do that, i get better for a bit of time, but i get upset again when i see her and talk with her.

Does anyone know how to help me get over this hard time of my life?? its the worst feeling and I really started hating life coz of it. Please help.

I'm really sorry if this subject wasn't approperiate



  • hello balados

    its me!! i remember when u used to tell me about her and how happy u were etc.

    do u mind telling me the event that happened taht caused u think that u would never marry her ever?

    it must be the worst feeling loving someone so much that u cant be with them forever

    well u see im a little different i look at things diff

    there is nothing which says that u cant b with her unless of course she married someone else or doesnt love you the same

    so look up im sure as long as u have faith in God there is still hope

    things are never hopeless!!!

    all the best

  • Well.......
    First of all she decided to study 2 more years, and she said that she will never get even engaged to anyone while she still studies, so that mean if i want to engage her, i will have to wait for 5 years.

    Secondly I don't feel that she has the same feelings towards me, which makes me feel tired of trying to talk to her and convince her of me.

    Lol believe me......it is much better to end everything, at least I will get hurt for a bit of time and then God will help me to heal, but if i continue.. i will get hurt all the time and every minute.

    Please pray for me, I'm going through the hardest time in my life

  • [quote author=baladoos link=board=10;threadid=4962;start=0#msg67153 date=1170790096]
    Lol believe me......it is much better to end everything, at least I will get hurt for a bit of time and then God will help me to heal, but if i continue.. i will get hurt all the time and every minute.

    you have your answer rit there.

    forget what happend. as you said, she doesn't have the same fellings for you, than there is no point to think about marriage. so just forget, and have more time to God in the many ways we have in church. and by doing that, God will do what's right for you if you find the true Him.

    the reason i said find the true Him is that to find the one, you have to find first the One, or as i put it, the true One. you find the real God and keep Him in your heart, and He'll do what's right and best for you.
  • Take care of yourself. Depression can be "contagious." Get out and do something for yourself alone.
    [move]i hope i helped[/move]
  • Lol thanks for your advice, I'm trying to do that, but it just makes me feel bad whenever i see her in church. ahhh. its a pain, I hope that God will pass this hard time with peace.

  • the pain will take time to heal but it will heal

    ur in my prayers buddy ;)
  • thanks lol :) :)
  • anymore suggestions guys/girls?? plz
  • well i am not sure if what i am going to tell you is going to help or no.  it is so easy to say forget about her but how you can do this.....there is no button to push to let you forget about her.  any way try to avoid seeing her for sometime. part of your love is that  you get used to her.  love is addiction you get addicted to see and talk to the person that you love.  try to reduce the time that you see her or talk to her. i know it is hard but it is one step that you have to take.  second everytime you think about her instead of having those thoughts change them to quick prayer asking god for help..admitt to him that you are weak and you need his power and help to get over it.  keep your self busy as much as you can with stuff that you like to do....keep company with friends that really love you and care about you....if you want to cry sometimes do it....let the feelings get out of you...
    God help you
  • i agree with monakiriakos. Whenever you have those feelings just say a short prayer and God will help you through your tough times
  • hey man,
    i think everyone has covered the spiritual side of....yani tis good to pray when get all pain ans stuff but i 'll tell u something that applies generally and this might be a bit harsh but

    U are clearly showing signs of WUSSY behaivour.!!!!!!!!! :(
    0k u gotta stop doing that stop listening to ur ego and stop being so needy

    i know this girl might have seemed to be the..ONE THE dream girl but get over it the situation is not ideal and as u explained ur not sure of her feelings. no girl likes a guy who is needy and is starting to pay too much attention to her... doesnt seem to have a life and above all is wussy...that pain ur getting is not a good one at all its classic sign that i am a wuss i cant handle not being the man in this girls life......i can keep going

    doint have anything to do with this girl. doint think about doint even pray about her! God knows if she was meant to be it'll happen but u shouldnt dwell on the moment of it at all
    boast up ur self confidence there r plenty of women on this planet and above all plenty of coptic girls if there arent any more at ur church take a holiday go somewhere else some other state see the world and other coptic girls from other places..other orthdox girls...

    stop thinking that this particular girl is the whole world to u.
    think the other way around

    when ever u get that feeling u will mess things up so run away from it.

    and honestly if u have already presented ur self in a depressed condition to her then i  completely recommend to move forward because u have completly messed it up with this girl... leave ur ego behind. girls are superhumans at recognising wuss behaviour and a guy who is not in control and comfort. well it would have shown up in ur body language and honestly if u want to make any positive headway with waht ever is left with this girl then completely pretend u r over her tell ur self ur over her and treat her like a friend thats it! and also ignore her. 8)

    now this idea that i presented to u do ur research on the net u'll find i am right.

    there r heaps of spritual stuff i can put up especially stuff written by POPE Shenouda but having read ur other posts i know anything i put here u would ahve a decent idea of it anyway

    i hope u take my advice.

  • not all girls are as you say karas I think

    some girls like the person more if he cares for them.. if he finds her special and not willing to get over her so easy
  • [quote author=mikeforjesus link=topic=4962.msg67544#msg67544 date=1171451411]
    not all girls are as you say karas I think

    some girls like the person more if he cares for them.. if he finds her special and not willing to get over her so easy

    not if it is in serios matters as love. like if u thunk about it, it's always the same way  in meeting girls or the person you truelly love. you never speak to her till she shows you her love and she wont speak to you untill you show her your love. it's so complecated really.
    anyway, but here in baladoos' case, the girl know, and she basiclly told him i am not for you. so here there's nothing wrong. i personally would b a little batter to know the truth before i b fooled in more deep feeling that would just effect me all the time.
  • I agree with minagir and Karas if you keep dweling on the situation nothing is gonna get solved. You have to forget about her and move on
  • hey, i read your problem and i know exactly how you feel and honestly  this girl doesn't know what she's missing out on because you seem like a great guy and it's her loss because i've realized in the next three years everyone is going to change whether they like it or not... don't worry i'll keep you in my prayers i'm pretty sure God has someone that will be everything you wanted, needed or prayed for... you'll pull through i know it
    if u ever need anything just let me know
  • u know karas, u seem like a very straight forward, out right guy, which is fine, but love and relationships is a sensitive issue as im certain ur aware, u cant just call sumone a wuss and say get over it… someone who has lost someone dear to them can not just move on at the click of a finger.
    Although in saying that I do believe to ease the pain bala needs to spend time away from her and focus on other things but remember its not always easy and in addition to what has already been sed above is that it will take time for both to accept the present state and move one.
  • That's true Kerestina, I pray to God every day to pass this hard time with ease.  It's quite painfull, but I'm trying my very best as much as I can. I really want to thank you guys and girls for your great help and support. I have to admit that I found you guys and girls cared and supported me much more than my very close friends that I have.

    God be with you all

  • any more suggestions? plz
  • I do not mean to offend anyone personally, but some of the things said here are wrong. to say to someone "ur a wuss, get over it," is an extremely infantile response and reveals a very limited understanding of issues of human interaction. women are not objects to be possessed en masse. there is more to love than that. the answer is not "other orthodox girls" for the simple reason that it would only lead to mindless lust. the point is not whether or not this girl loves him, it is that the solutions proposed are wrong. baladoos already understands the meaning of commitment, and this proposition would simply take him back to the mentality of a ninth grader. Animals see the opposite sex as vessels for propagating genetic material, and the more the better. We are human; we have the holy spirit; we are the children of God. shouldn't we be capable of something deeper than that. shouldn't we face our problems instead of running away whenever something poses a threat to our self-view. It is ironic that among the advice given, there was a warning to baladoos that he was too obsessed with his ego. the irony is that the advice given was extremely ego-centric. like i said before, we are capable of better behavior than this. It is wrong for anyone to just tuck away all his bad memories and not learn from them. no matter how this ends, baladoos will be better off for it. to deny the importance of what's happening is to deny that God's plan for your life is significant and beneficial to you. at some point, we're all gonna have to face ourselves. at some point we all have to accept our mistakes and regrets and move on. In order to do this, we can't run away. Again, i'm truly sorry if i've offended anyone, this is only my opinion. i certainly do not mean to criticize anyone personally, only what was said.

    baladoos, don't be afraid to talk to her about this. tell her how u feel and be up-front. demand an honest response. u should not keep guessing her feelings from all the minute details you observe. don't worry about what she'll think if you ask her, just go to her and tell her whats going on.
  • personally... i believe that God does everything for a reason. Love is not only a feeling but a decision to be with someone forever and love them until you die. You've probaly already considered everything about marriage before you thought about getting engaged i hope. If you haven't you should consider EVERYTHING! imagine the two of you being exactly how your parents are now...thats what i think of lol.

    After considering everything about marriage...and you go to your girl, and she isn't as in love with you as you are with her, and you would have to wait five years before marrying her.

    First of all, if you loved her you would wait; but because you dont wanna wait...it shows you dont wanna be with her that badly which shows your not in love.

    Also...if she isn't in love with you as much as you are with her...then its not really love, its an infatuation. If it was meant to be and if God wanted you guys to be together...she would love you back.

    If you're depressed because you want someone and you miss her because you thought she was the one and you're just confused now...then theres not much you can do except pray to God and keep knowing that someone is out there for you...

    I like to look at the stars for hope. I think that each of us has a star up there in the sky; and they shine as bright as we shine our lights of God. And if the person you thought was perfect didnt work out...when u look up in the sky, u think "one of them has gotta be the perfect person for me, theres someone out there for me"

    God chose someone for all of us and we each have our destiny with that special person...one day you will find the right girl for yourself and you'll truly be in love with her more than you ever were in love with anyone before and your life will be perfect.
  • Thanks a lot for your comments, you really made me feel better.  Lol i can't say whether I was really in true love with her or not.  But I was about to wait for her 5 years if she had the same feelings for me.  I always felt that she didn't have the same feelings for me, you know everyone can sense whether the other side loves him back or not.  In my case i felt that she didn't have the same feelings for me, so that's why i took the decision to move on with my life, simply because i think that there is no point waiting for 5 years for someone that i know really well she doesn't love me back. 

    thanks for all your help guys/gals

  • God Blesss you =]

    i'll pray for you always....;)
  • Thanks lol, i really appreciate that, Guys please pray for me all, I really need every single prayer that you can pray.  Please feel free to give me any help, I will accept all your helps even if they gonna hurt me.

    thanks, i love you all

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