How to bring Comfort?

edited February 2005 in Faith Issues
God's peace upon all. :)

I need advice again... :( As some of you may have read alittle while back I had asked for advice on my friend who was engaged in Egypt, but, was also in a relationship with a woman here. For those who didn't read it... here is the original thread:;action=display;threadid=921

I am so angry now.... and am trying to keep peace within myself. After I thought that my prayers and all of you who prayed for my friends situation helped to bring about a good outcome through God's will... All went bad....

My friend decided to go to Egypt on a temporary travel visa and told no one about it.... He is now in Egypt and making preparations for his wedding.

The girl he was in a relationship with knew nothing that he was engaged and I did not have the heart to be the one to tell her as she is such a beautiful girl both in appearance and inside. She loved my friend so much which added to my disapproval of what my friend was doing....

This girl desperately called me 3 days ago saying she hadn't heard from my friend and that she is worried something happened to him... I felt so bad that I did not have the stomach to tell her over the phone that he had gone to Egypt to get married and abandoned her....

I talked to her in my home and she went nuts... as I expected. Right now I don't know what to do.... The girl is in a severe depression and has not eaten at all for days... I am worried she will end up in the hospital and talks like she doesn't want to live anymore...

What can I say to comfort her and bring her out of this? :(

In seeing how destroyed she is I felt such shame... because I see too many Coptic men doing this here in America... they get engaged in Egypt or leave their wives in Egypt and then have relationships with women in America and could care less for the consequences.

I know alot of Coptic men who do this are only doing it for sex... but, this girl would not let any man disrespect her and comes from a good family. So many times I wanted to tell her, but, I didn't have the heart to tell her in seeing how much she loved my friend and adored him.

Yes, I know you can't say this about all Coptic men... but, I see ALOT of this garbage here and the hipocrisy makes me nuts sometimes.....

How can these guys live with themselves.... ? How can they be engaged or have a wife back in Egy and then marry or go back to their wives and it doesn't even bother their conscience?

I love the Coptic Church, but, the actions of some of it's followers makes me want to rage at times....

Now, this poor girl is broken... and my friend (I want to use some not so nice words instead) is all free and happy making wedding plans in Egy now.... With no sense of how he has damaged this girl and getting married to a young girl who doesn't have a clue as to the kind of man she is marrying....

I am reading the bible with the girl and even offered to go along with her to the Catholic church she attends... but, she cannot even get herself to get out of bed and won't eat.... What can I do to help her?

Why does God let so many men get away with this kind of stuff??? (I know I know... some women too)....

God forgive me.... I know it's not you that does this but weak ppl... I just hate seeing anyone hurt like this...

God bless all


  • I would like to start with MEN ARE STUPID... I am a man, by the way. I know exactly what you are saying... the best thing is to stay with this girl, help her out, take her to the Coptic church... and let her talk to people... if it is TOO serious take her to a psychologist.... PLEASE... another thing with Copts is they don’t like to go to psychologists, so please call one in the area and let her talk to one.... but reading the bible would be great with her... talk, talk, talk to her... and don’t leave a day without asking about her... buy may I stress, TALK TO A PSYCHOLOGIST.
  • well i necassary don't think we're stupid God made us all the same
    its really the sin of lust that takes over us and not just men but women too.
    I remeber abouna told me the best to get through this sin is to avoid it period don't get urself into to it at all.its a battl that can't be won.
    but thats not the point right now

    i suggest you should maybe sit down with her and the preist in her church and talk it over.belive me its better you telling her than letting her find it out herself
  • Theres nothing worth getting that depressed over. One has to always keep in mind that they shouldnt always trust everyone. If some boy did this and he doesnt care at all about breaking this girls heart then neither should she care about him, whoever doesnt care about someone does not deserve their love. Unfortunately, life isnt perfect, and sometimes people are cruel and have no heart, and really hurt others, this is life! Tell her its day she will find someone that really deserves her love.

    May the prince of peace comfort her.
  • ok i'm kinda not sure what to say exsept just leave it to GOD he knows whats going to happen to her....and well just be a good friend and be with her durning random moments...and just pray thats all i can say..i don't know if it'll help much but yeah... :)
  • Pray! Pray! Pray! Always be there for her.Dont leave her alone but try to get her to seek some kind of help, either from a priest or someone who can offer her wise ,loving council.Surround her with friends that care for her.Let her know how much God loves her,how much you love her.Love never fails.Eventually time will heal all wounds or at least diminish the pain.The process is tough but eventually there is light at the end of the tunnel.Reassure her of these things.

    May God give you strength,wisdom,grace as you seek to bring comfort,peace and love to this heartbroken young girl.
  • be there for her but don't take it upon just yourself to comfort her.
    Go to God and ask Him to help her. Also,
    all depends on who you think she would trust the most and be the
    most comfortable with. But don't take it just upon yourself, the
    burden is too big. God bless you.
  • its sooo upsetting, when things like this happen, i can see how depressed she must be feeling, especialy if she loved this person, its succh a let, down puting your faith and trust and love in someone and then them taking it and dancing on it, trampling it with their dirrty unworthy feet! they are unworthy! GOD God will never trample and dance on your love, god will always love her, always protect her, and comfprt her in only ways he can, you need to show her how much God loves her, how much he hurts for her, and how much he wants to make her happy, and how everything happens for a reason, and we cant understand Gods plan, but we must always ask him to carry us through tough times in ourlives, and the eating thing, thats scary! she should go see a doctor, it may help if she talked about it! and remind her of Gods presence in her life, and Gods unconditional love for her!

    i hope that helps, i know i am not very qualified at matters of the heart :)

  • Sirach 30:21-24
    Do not give yourself over to sorrow, and do not distress yourself deliberately.
    A joyful heart is life itself, and rejoicing lengthens one's life span.

    Indulge yourself and take comfort, and remove sorrow far from you, for sorrow has destroyed many, and no advantage ever comes from it.

    Jealousy and anger shorten life, and anxiety brings on premature old age.

    Baruch 4:27-28

    Take courage, my children, and cry to God, for you will be remembered by the one who brought this upon you.
    For just as you were disposed to go astray from God, return with tenfold zeal to seek him
    For the one who brought these
    calamities upon you will bring you everlasting joy with your salvation.
    Take courage, O Jerusalem, for the one who named you will comfort you.
    Wretched will be those who mistreated you and who rejoiced at your fall.

    God willing, everything will be alright :)
  • I hope this helps:

    It's an article by HH Pope Shenouda III entitled "How to Comfort Others".
  • [quote author=socoolbishoy link=board=1;threadid=1165;start=0#msg19652 date=1107287979]
    I would like to start with MEN ARE STUPID... I am a man, by the way. I know exactly what you are saying... the best thing is to stay with this girl, help her out, take her to the Coptic church... and let her talk to people... if it is TOO serious take her to a psychologist.... PLEASE... another thing with Copts is they don’t like to go to psychologists, so please call one in the area and let her talk to one.... but reading the bible would be great with her... talk, talk, talk to her... and don’t leave a day without asking about her... buy may I stress, TALK TO A PSYCHOLOGIST.

    WOW look at u bidhoy ur like going around telling ppl to go to a psycologist... LOL.. omg this is just tttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooo FUNNY.. anyways lol well i'm very unhappy to say that i agree w/ u.. lol.. jk.. but ya i can't believe i agree.. but i WOW.. ;D

  • yep...Agree so much with that....not all guys are stupid's just that guys think differently than girls do. Another thing is that NO ONE IS WORTH HER from someone ;).

    Let her not cry over someone who isn't going to cry over her...she will go through tht stage...but soon she will be out of it...even if she loved him....she will realize that he isn't really worth all what she is going through right now...Just give her some time and like everyone said before....TALK to her....she needs someone to be beside her at tht time. For that guy, I think he will need some help too....I mean what is he doing...going to get married when he broke someone's heart...but oh well....hopefully everything will work for the best.
    Also Pray for her a lot...prayers work miracles.
    God BLess,
  • as the saying goes:
    "no one is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry"... tell her that...

    all the suggestions made perviously are awesome, but i have one more.

    feed her. make sure she eats- and eats well.
    a sound mind starts with a sound body.

    if she cant properly function because her body is too busy trying to survive the 'famine' she's got her self in, then she wont be able to concentrate on her emotions and think properly about what to do and such.

    and as mentioned before, constantly talk to her and ask about her, listen to her. you dont have to say much, sometimes all one person needs is for someone to listen to them. make sure she knows u care. perhaps this is her cross in life that God is testing her with, or somthing. remind her that she's got a Love no one can take away and cant be destroyed- Gods ultimate love shown on the cross.

    and of course, pray. it's moved mountains, it can do anything.

    hope all goes well

    take care and God bless
  • God's peace to all....

    I want to thank all of your for your kind words, advice, scripture quotes and good wishes. I'm sorry if I don't thank each of you by name...but, my brain is just so fried and tired from this sad situation that I can't concentrate too good.

    I have tried every way I know to help this poor girl, but, she just won't stop crying and still won't eat anything. :'( Her mom thinks she may need to be hospitalized because she won't even drink alittle water.

    The girls family is so angry with the guy for leaving her this way that her father said that should she end up in the hospital he will take the first plane to Egypt and beat the guy senseless.

    I don't blame them... if she was my daughter I would make the man take responsibility for his actions. I can never understand how ppl can be so cold in the heart like this. It is horrible when you don't have an ending to a relationship in that the man or woman breaks up with you. To have someone just leave to marry someone else is terrible.

    I tried calling my so-called friends parents home, but, he was very sneaky and had the number disconnected by his family or probably had it changed before going in secret to Egypt.

    I wish I had family from Upper Egypt, but, my family is for the most part in Cairo and since we have been living here for years... have lost touch with what is happening in Egypt or addresses for places. I wish I knew someone from Assiut who lives near the village of Abnub and knows the addresses to the churches there.... I have a feeling that if this poor girl ends up in the hospital there will be big trouble and I want to prevent this...

    I think if the girl spoke with him one last time and he ended things like he should have in the first place, she wouldn't be so destroyed now. Now I have to think how in the world I can reach this stupid man before trouble comes....

    I have a huge headache now. Please continue praying for this girl. Thank you.

    God bless all
  • OKAY... I am very upset now.... I see that she is very hurt... how long has it been that way?

    when talking to her, don’t bring him up... if you do, remind her of the negatives about him.... and show her she is perfect without him... and he is worthless.... also right now she wants to be lifted, so talk to her always in positive manner… show her that you care, show her that she is wanted, now she thinks that she is worthless… so change that image, and show her the true image, that she is an amazing person for caring that much.

    And I am not trying to be rude, but please leave this job to the professionals... make her talk to a psychologist, please.
  • *Sigh*

    I don't know what more to say that everyone here hasn't already said. First I felt bad for the girl in Egypt because of what the guy was doing with the American girl, now I feel sorry for the girl here because of what that guy is doing with the girl in Egypt.

    I knew this story was going to end in heartbreak for one or more of the parties involved.

    I know this is not the time to be saying this but I’m sorry I have to say it, maybe that’s why our church makes it crystal clear that dating is wrong and having any relationship that’s not in the light and official isn’t right, it could have prevented stuff like this from happening. Sorry I had to get that off my chest.

    But now is not the time to point fingers and say what was right and wrong. Be with this girl, please make her eat, and show her that the only love she needs isn’t from anyone in this world but it’s from God, because that is true love.

    About the father that wants to go and beat up the guy in Egypt, well of course that’s a fathers reaction when anyone hurts their daughter. But please talk to him and see if you can get him to calm down, making threats like that could be dangerous especially if anything were to happen to the guy in Egypt for any random reason.

    No one is worth crying over except if a person lost his or her salvation and left the light of God.

    You’re a good friend, may God bless you always

    In his name
  • MyrnaMar
    Hey, I would just like to say that if you had told her earlier none of this or at least not this much trouble would have happened .. You could have saved a lot and you could have saved her a lot of pain.
    Anyways, like others said .. praying ofcourse .. in my opinion you can try to take her out to church or to church meeting and such .. just dont leave her alone at home or anywhere .. she will always need someone by her even if you wont say one word! She will get over it eventually and will realize how pointless it was to waste time grieving over her love!! I hope you will be able to pull her through this but Iam sure you can.
    God be with you ;D
  • The girl is in a VERY tough situation..Tell her that he's not deserving of her and God has allowed that to happen because he believes she's meant for someone other than him. It's very hard to let go of such love but all she can do it cling to God and I'm sure He'll comfort her.. be there for her and try to reveal to her God's love for her as many become blinded if depressed. Pray for her and fast if you like. God bless.
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