sexual assualt and attempted rape a sin?

edited July 2019 in Personal Issues
so i was 8 when a family member tried to rape me. I was innocent and didn't know what that person was doing other than the fact I knew it wasn't right. A couple years later middle school I got hooked up in pornography and its still an issue. In high school a girl who used to be a friend started sexually assaulting me (no one knew) and she didn't even know what happened to me. I become horrified of her. A few months later I was forced to stay home alone with that family member and he attempted to rape me again. I was frozen and i didn't bother stopping him bc i was horrified so i just let him hurt me. Im not planning to tell anyone but I feel like God hates me bc i didn't stop him or that girl. im suffering bad depression and anxiety and my faith is really shaken bc i feel like i disappointed God. Any advice? 


  • None of this is your fault. Please talk to an adult you trust: parents, priest, school councillor, etc.
  • edited July 2019
    @Martina I have a background of working in behavioral health and those with mental disorders/illnesses. This is a very, very difficult thing to explain to someone.

    Your situation requires you to reach out to either a therapist or psychologist. The people on here are well intentioned, but I don't see your question being resolved on here.

    If there is something I've noticed about members of our church, it's that they do not like to face contemporary, real world issues. They tend to deny or hide things like sexual abuse, drug abuse or drinking until it becomes too much to hide and needs resolved.

    I strongly, strongly suggest you tell someone who is professionally trained and educated in such a situation such as yours, even before you talk to an Abouna about it. I have some background as I said, so feel free to send me a private message, and I can assist you to find some form of support so you can focus on this in a less public forum.

    Good luck to you, and thank you for having the strength to tell your story.
  • edited July 2019
    You need to speak to a priest ASAP about this and from there he'll refer you to a specific therapist or psychologist to talk to. That is the advice that you need to take to heart and do. 
  • Okay thank you for your advice
  • In the Conclusion of the Adam Theotokions in Tasbeha we pray “For You do not desire the death of a sinner, but rather that he returns and that his soul may live”
    God will NEVER be upset or disappointed in you if you such good intentions at heart!

    St Moses the Black went to his FOC more than 10 times in a night! He is now a great saint who is highly respected in our Church, so don’t be worried about anything.
    Just go repent and confess and ask your father of guidance (or confession) about what you should have done and about what you should do if this were to ever happen again.

    Think of it like this...Your driving instructor tells you to slow down because you’re reaching an intersection, you speed up anyways although you heard him warn you and saw the red light.
    Does your instructor now hate you?
    NO, because both ways you are his student and he will guide you to do what is right and to avoid doing what is wrong.
    Now, even better, GOD is NOT your instructor!
    HE IS YOUR FATHER! And He is not any Father, He is THE Father that chose to come down from His glory to take the blame of actions me and you did that would have lead to our death.
    We love our parents, they do everything they can to please but they do not do what GOD does, no one does!

    God loves you so much.
    That feeling in your heart telling you something is not right, yeah, that’s the Holy Spirit that always reassures us if what we are doing is right or wrong. And I’m sorry to say, but the feeling of disappointment and that GOD hates you, are thoughts and feelings that the devil is trying to convince you of...

    Today is St Marina’s Feast, May God help you through Her intercesssions!
  • Thank you so much @Jojo_Hanna your so kind and I found reassurance in your words
  • @Martina, these are not my words...these are your Loving Father’s words!
  • being assaulted is not a sin.

    assaulting someone else is a sin.

    i have sent you a personal message, as i think it is best to give advice outside the forum, as it is personal.

  • Lemme tell you something I read up on.
    A lot of the saints who we refer to as virgins were probably raped at some point in their life. But we still refer to them as virgins. Why? Because the church knows purity and virginity cannot be taken away by force.

    The only folks who have sinned are the assaulters. You are innocent since you are the victim.
    Speak to a priest as well as a therapist or a professional. And don’t forget your weapon, prayer. It doesn’t have to be an all-night vigil. It can simply be the Jesus Prayer or a “Rejoice, o Virgin Theotokos” Prayer.

    And if you ever sin, don’t forget that God will not hate you for it. A quote I see a lot is “sin is infection not infraction”. If you ever sin, do not spend time wallowing or thinking about it. Once you apologise, repent, and *confess*, you are free of that sin. (PS: getting raped is not a sin, but being a rapist is a sin. Once again YOU ARE NOT the sinner or the person at fault)
    I hope and pray you find comfort in the Lord.

    Read up on Psalm 90/91 (depending on manuscript) “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High”. (Or you could listen to it in a chant form (which I prefer)).

    May God bless you and thank you for sharing and for taking the post of me the real sinner into consideration.

    Once again, you are innocent of this.
  • @ioannesAthanasius thank you for your nice words I thank you for commenting and giving advice
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