Struggling Teenager

I am 15 years old and am struggling greatly with my sexuality. I have homosexual urges, but haven't told my parents (only father of confession and a few youth servants). 

I find it hard to understand why I am this way since I never chose it or know what happened to make me like this. My father of confession seems to think that this is just a phase and will go away but I don't think he really understands.

I live in a western society where people are always praising homosexuality but (to my knowledge) it seems quite clear that the church is against it. I have decided that I should live a life of celibacy so as to follow God's will for me but am internally struggling due to it. No matter what happens though I will make sure I stay close to God and keep my Bible readings/prayers.

All I am wondering is...

1. Why am I this way?
2. How can it be condemned if I (or anyone really) never chose to be gay?
3. Is this a message from God for my life?
        3.1 Am I called to be a monk?
4. Does the Orthodox Church think that I can change?
        4.1 Should I try to change?
5. Any advice to cope with this passion throughout my life?
6. Any famous saints that struggled with homosexuality who I could read about and request the intersessions of?

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read and respond to my post.


  • dear friend, we all have temptations and actually it is more common than u think to have same sex temptations. many who are tempted this way also have opposite sex temptations much later in life. others have opp. sex temptations when young and same sex temptations later when they become monks or nuns. this is why people don't share rooms in the monastery.
    so it does not mean that you are 'gay'.
    it is certainly not God's way of guiding you.
    you don't have to change, just to keep resisting temptation. certainly don't look at bad pictures of the opposite sex in order to try to feel attracted to them.
    you already did the best thing which is to speak to abouna.
    please continue to fight the devil and may God guide u and show u His deep love
  • edited August 2017

    I am an American convert to our church, and also have a background in the study of Human Behavior. You may PM me if you wish. I prefer to write directly to you due to the number of people will have differing opinions. This causes far more confusion if I were to state my answer in an open forum.
  • hopefully we can safely debate it online now one or two duplicate account spammers have been dealt with.
  • Mabsoota wrote a great post, you should consider what she says.  I'm just going to reply to your points systematically as that is what you asked.

    1. Everyone experiences temptation, especially at your age.  Both homosexual and heterosexual acts outside marriage are sins.
    2. You aren't condemned.  If we fall into sin (e.g. masturbation), we need to repent, regardless of whether it is homosexual or heterosexual.
    3. Be guided by your Father of Confession.  I don't think it's a message.
    4. It's the wrong goal.  The goal should be chastity, not "becoming straight".  That is what the Orthodox Church teaches as far as I understand it.
    5. Beyond my pay grade.
    6. Fr Seraphim Rose... not a canonised saint, but a saintly man... look him up!
  • edited August 2017
    I think homosexuality can sometimes be a disease like anorexia where the person thinks himself fat when he is not. Like body dysmorphic disorder
    This disease one is not born with but is developed or can be cured
    I heard that from a catholic priest on YouTube. He considers it a sin that we do not justify or excuse from responsibility but we must not judge such homosexuals and transvestites as abominations
    If someone has such a disease he has to know he was not born that way to be more accountable. Otherwise he must simply continue to desire healing and be open to seeking the healing no matter how much he tries but if he was really open he would try sometime. I say this because I do not believe this theory that people believe they were born that way

    And still even if one has homosexual desires and thinks he is like a woman the DNA shows you are a man and there are differences between you and a woman in your DNA so you can't be the other right half of another. There would be two left halfs
  • I would also add - how do you know that this is not just a phase that will go away?  What is is that your father of confession "doesn't understand"?  It is actually quite common for teenagers (especially males) to experience same-sex attraction and for opposite-sex attraction to develop later.  No-one talks about this openly of course, but survey evidence demonstrates this.

    Conclusion: you are not "gay".  Don't buy the idea that is popular in the media that people are "born gay" or "born straight" and that this is fixed throughout life.  Yes some people have an increased chance of same-sex attraction due to various factors, but that doesn't mean it will be permanent.  And even if it does end up being permanent, it's just a temptation, like any other temptation, e.g. a temper, gluttony, etc.
  • edited August 2017
    We do not choose our existence. We do not choose our diseases. We do not choose our bodies and what comes with them, whether good or bad. We do not choose our temptations or the degree to which we are tempted.

    But, we do choose how to react to the temptations to the various physical and environmental factors that lead to such temptations. That power you have you still possess and with continuous effort by the grace of Christ, you can fight it. But fighting is not a "stage". We all have specific "thorns of the flesh" that will follow us for a veeeeeery long time. These thorns will either break us or make us. Choose the latter and be a soldier of Christ. If you fall, get back up and live to fight another day. Let every fall be not a cause of distress, but opportunity to learn from your fall and get back up a stronger soldier of Christ.

    Read the various accounts of the desert fathers, and if you can read in between the lines, many of them experienced very hard sexual temptations, and very likely some with homosexual tendencies, but they're usually in cloaked language since there was no word for "homosexuality".

    Be strong, and know that we are all in the same boat but with diverse spiritual ailments. Don't let your guard down, but use this moment to learn about yourself, your weaknesses, and strategies to help fight against these weaknesses. You will come to a realization you won't get rid of temptations, but you will be able to deal with them better and better throughout life IF YOU ARE DILIGENT. If the SON OF GOD Himself experienced temptation, don't expect any less in your life.

    God bless.
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