sibling closeness

Hi everyone I thought id share something that is bothering me. Im 18 and have very mild aspergers syndrome(you wouldn't know unless I told you). Im coptic living in the us and I posted this because I feel like a bad christian because I dont feel close to my younger brother of 4 years at all. I feel more connected to my close friends and I just feel we are too different. Am I correct for feeling this way?


  • I don't think it's a big deal.  4 years old is really too young to cultivate a mature adult relationship with him.  Over time this will change, as he grows older.  As long as you're there for him when he needs it, the 'feeling' of 'connection' will develop naturally.
  • Oh no i meant 4 yrs younger 14 years old
  • Ah that makes sense.
    No you're not a bad person. The aspergers may be making things a little tougher but that's not your fault. Again, these things will improve as both of you mature. Just try your best to show interest in him and his life (to the extent that he is comfortable) and don't burn any bridges in the meantime.
  • If you're really concerned though, you should speak with your FOC.
  • I have younger siblings and I am not very close with them either.

    Just because you have biological siblings doesn't mean you have to be very closely attached. It's a multi factorial issue. It depends on your household, your upbringing, differences in personality between you and your siblings (some personalities crash).

    4 years gap is not short but not too long, you may find that after you have both passed teenage years and get older, you can be closer together. Right now, you may have different interests because you are at different stages in life. But you may notice that with adults, the older they are, the less age matters.
  • edited June 2015
    Love your brother no matter what.  He might need help in something, so help him.  Express your love in help and support for something he might need help in.  You don't have to have similar likes to show your love.  Your Asberger's may make him think you cannot express this love and compassion, but he should be able to have sympathy with your condition and know your troubles, and he will grow in love and compassion to you even if both of you are completely different from each other.

    Your unconditional love to him will teach you patience, sympathy, compassion, and strength, and he will recognize it and will be affected by it.
  • I know im supposed to love unconditionally and the strange thing is the AS dosent effect me to the point of even needing support( its very mild) but I feel bad because I feel I dont yet have this unconditional love
  • Well, don't worry.  It may not develop overnight, but certainly practice putting your brother first before yourself, and you will develop it well.  Seek his happiness, his success, his needs before you, and you will gradually learn some self-sacrifice.
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