Hi everyone

    I just wanted advice on some stuff that I would love to know but can’t find the answer; I want someone to understand me and help.
    To begin, I have lots of feelings for this guy in my church. And I really don’t know if he feels the same way about me. He really confuses me. One week I feel that he does have feelings for me and another week I feel like he doesn’t. Either he starts talking to me nonstop or he just ignores me. He really is confusing me and making think too much. What’s making me stop and not really love him so much is that I don’t want myself to feel that he is for me ( which is being selfish) and at the end he would b loving someone else...resulting in me getting hurt badly and wasting my time thinking about someone that wasn’t even considering me...
    Sometimes when I sit by myself I start thinking of him I really try not too. (Because as I said I don’t want to go into deeply loving him). And other times I tell myself I don’t want him and I don’t have any more feelings for him.
    The only reason I even had feelings for this guy is because he was looking at me and treating me in a way that he wanted to tell me "I love you" everything that he did showed that. But at that time I didn’t really notice home. Until one day when I was sitting in church I saw and started remembering all the stuff he used to do so from that time I liked him. Also he has everything that I looked for in a guy; good personality, great education, has a servant and services in the church that we go to, he’s also a deacon. I even know his whole family and they are really nice and holy people. So all these things made me like him/have feelings for him. And every time I know something new about him my feelings toward increase.
  By the way i am still  college, but I am mature. And please don't say (not to be rude) that I am still Young, your time will come, because thats what i tell myself. I just want to know what to do and how to deal with him.
I am 19 years old and he's 25 years old
  Sorry if I wrote too much, and sorry if I confused u, but I am confused myself.
Thanks for your time, please help me I need some serious advice on what to do.

Please pray for me


  • Hi Jesus_the only way,

    I think you should talk to your mom about this. The reason I mentioned your mom first is because as females she would understand you more and give you useful advice. (Just from experience, moms are great for that kind of advice, and trust me i used to be embarrased to talk to my mom like that, but once I tried i feel so much better after discussing anything with her).

    Also talk to your dad and father of confession. If your parents and FOC think it is okay, then maybe you can get to know him more and see...

    God bless you.
  • this is good advice. if your mom is not the best person for whatever reason, then mention it to a trusted friend. u don't have to tell her/him the whole story, just say you like this guy and send that person to find out about his feelings. parents are supposed to be good at this, but not everyone's are, if yours are the type who still introduce you as 'my little girl' to all the shopkeepers and the aunties at church, it indicates they didn't notice you grew up  ;)
    in that case tell them after you find out the guy likes you.
  • mabsoota please dont get mad at me but i dont think someone her age is the best thing after her mom,

    1. Never replace your FOC with anyone
    2. If not your mom talk to a female sunday school servant you trust fully just try to have one female you can talk to
  • Hi Jesus_the only way,

    I know what you mean by you feeling so confused... feelings is one of those things that is very hard to understand. It's hard to understand your own feelings and control them let alone try to figure out how someone else is feeling.

    I do think you should talk to someone like a few people already mentioned... father of confession is definitely a good source. It's great to have someone to guide you through these very important decisions.. especially because emotions and feelings can get in the way... (but i can see your trying really hard to keep them in control, which is good)  :)

    But the number one thing that goes with talking to someone.. is talking to God... these things need lots of prayer. Choosing your religion is the biggest decision one makes in life... and choosing someone for marriage is right after it. This person is the one that you will spend the rest of your life with. He is the one that needs to help you complete your journey on earth and lift you up to heaven. And likewise you need to do the same with him.
    So praying a lot about it is a definite and i'm sure you are doing that. Reading also about this area is good.. Buy a book about relationships. Fr Gorgious Kolta has one about "the need to prepare for marriage" (im not sure if thats the exact name). And listening to sermons too about this area.

    Lastly, I think we should all pray for you. Rabena Ma3aky!
    God Bless you
  • Actually... i just had a look at another discussion that you put up about the exact same thing....

    and there's an awesome post there by gregorytheSinner

    [quote author=gregorytheSinner link=topic=8362.msg106511#msg106511 date=1253835324]
    Well from your ages, the line "your too young" doesn't really apply to you guys.  You guys are old enough and almost (not fully) mature enough to make decisions.  Had this been 20 years ago, and had we been in Egypt, you guy's would probably be married by now.
    However, any decision you want to take (at this point in time) about your possible relationship will be altered by your emotions.  The thing is there is a six year gap between you guys, which wouldnt be a big deal if you were say 24 and he was 30, but considering your current ages, it wouldn't really work out too well.  Your still either a college freshman/sophomore who is probably more pre-occupied with school work than anything, whilst, he's probably a graduating senior who is concerned about possibly graduate school or a job.  Thus, neither of you have enough time for a relationship at this point in time, which will cause strains and problems in the long run.  Even if the circumstances permit, that you pursue a relationship by the time you graduate, things might have changed for the both of you [considering stress, ohter potential mates, etc]

    As Abounasaresocool, put it, Focus on God first, and then let the rest come through, if it's meant to be, He will make sure it's known.  The best thing from a human's standpoint right now, is to purse a friendship.  Be friends,  go out with groups of people to diners/restaurants, participate in Chruch events.  Build a STRONGER friendship between you, him, and GOD!  Allow Him to be with you guys!

    Lastly, if you want I know there are different priests all over the net who put up their emails, who would be more than willing to answer your questions via email.

    I kinda tend to agree with that more to be honest... I don't understand the School System in USA but if you both can't make time for a relationship then it's best that you put it off until later. I know it's hard to have feelings for someone and ignore them... but i'm sure by praying and getting closer to God it will make it easier. Other than that.. all that gregorytheSinner is pretty good advice =)

    God Bless
  • all good advice. i am not mad at u Christrules!
    i used to have mature friends when i was a teenager and i suppose i assumed that others may do too. u r right to say that it's not always great to chat to a 15yr old friend etc about these things, just i don't want anyone to feel bad if they can't talk to their mum, if mum is dead, mentally ill etc or just someone who doesn't give good advice.
    so your point is good, just not everyone has the blessing of an understanding mum, if you do, that's great, take advantage of it!
  • mabsoota that makes sense,

    Jesus_the only thing i overlooked before (which is very dumb of me) God is there, i know this sounds obvious
    but ask do you ask him?
    How is it you talk to him?

    Talk to him like you would your friend or parents, recently i had a problem and i honestly looked up and said

    GOD DONT YOU CARE :( IM CONFUSED, IM ALONE, and i need you to clear it up!
    and honestly he cleared it the next day! No Joke!

    im not saying he'll answer you right away thats his will, but talk to him, i heard from (i think a bishop) that saying that to God doesnt upset Him it makes Him happy to know you want to try and work on it to know that you consider Him a friend

    He is there always!!! All you have to do it talk :)

    God Bless you and Guide you :D
    Pray for me and my weakness
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