Little Brother problem

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Selam Brothers and Sisters,

So  I have a little problem,

My little brother is constantly on the computer and doesn't like when people tell him to get off.( he basically only listens when i threaten to call my dad.)
And he has a lack of respect for me. I remember when we were younger and i would discipline( like hit him if he was disrespectful) he would respect me. But i've noticed the respect has now slimed.
How can i gain respect from my brother?
Is it okay for me to hit him?
***he is almost 12***
May God help you guys to answer the question.
an unworthy sinner


  • Hey!

    Don't worry... it's a phase they all go through! Trust me, I have a little brother myself but he's not so little anymore. No, it's not ok to hit him. This will not make him respect you and can backfire! This is the age where they get bigger and stronger and then he can hit you back, which is exactly what you don't want. Instead, try to be his friend. Try to talk to him nicely and see what the problem is: maybe he's on the computer all the time because he's avoiding school work that he's having trouble in so you could help him... or maybe he wants to feel like he has friends so he talks to them all the time... or maybe he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't at all! The possibilities are endless.

    I guarantee that this will not work right away. He will try to push you away and then when he finally does open up to you, there will be ups and downs and you won't be able to talk all the time. Just keep at it and be patient, even when he's rude or disrespectful. He's a teenager (almost) and everything is his life is changing so he needs you to be stable and supportive :D

    God Bless.
  • Here are my two cents on this...

    You have to remember that your little brother is not being disobedient; this is just a means of miscommunication.
    Let's say a kid is watching TV and the parent comes and turns it off. How will the kid react to this? (unless the kid's a saint) he or she will probably argue and become upset. Is this because the child is disobedient? No! The parents did not handle the situation the right way!
    The better way to approach this is to give the child a time limit, for example an hour. Then (this part is important), warn the child when they have 10 minutes remaining. After 10 minutes, warn them again that they have 10 minutes ;) Then warn them at 5 minutes.
    You have to prepare the child and keep reminding them, because they are not keeping track of time! Remind them again when they only have one minute.
    Then you nicely tell them that their time is up. They will do one of two things:
    Fight back and tell you they need more time.
    Get off. (this response isn't likely)

    You should let him know that you gave him 10 extra minutes, and if later in the day he want to use the computer again, then he should let you know and you'll give him 10 minutes to do whatever he want to do. Make sure you always know what he's doing online. And he doesn't get to use the computer for games until he's finished all his homework.

    My dad has a technique for handling this (because my sibling is the same way.. also 12 years old). He made an account on the desktop that only works for an hour, from 5-6 everyday. My sister will literally stand by the computer at 4:59 and wait for the clock to hit 5, so she can get online. She doesn't need anyone to remind her of the time she has left, since the computer logs her out after an hour.
    Having a time limit helps the child to work more effectively and not waste as much time. It also teaches them that everything in the day has it's own time. There is a time for school, a time for playing outside, a time for sitting with the family, a time for computer.. and so on.
    If your brother learns this at age 12, then he will be more successful when he grows up.

    Time management is the key!

    I hope this helps :)
  • the old shibshib therapy eh?!

    I feel bad for you kids already!

    listen, if you were in his shoes would you like to be hit?! if your brother was to come to me and tell me his sister is hitting him, and you're over eighteen, all I would say is beware of my wrath!

    also research shows love is not how you show it, but how one perceives, especially at this age... so if you are being aggressive with your brother for his sake of being a better person, he will perceive it as you hate him, and you will imprint it in his personality not to trust you, or even love you, if not others also! and in the end its your fault!

    now at this age he's in "competence/Industry vs. inferiority" stage!
    if he can industrialize his imagination or impulses and you give him credit, and even give him stuff to do for you... he will grow confident in himself, and more successful... because at this age he is seeking the pleasure of others, he's trying to please your parents, you, people in his school, and anyone he can... the more credit, the more positive he receives the better you are helping him as a person, not for now alone, but for all of his life!

    on the other hand, if he gets a hit upside the head, he gets a "ya haywan I want the computer now!" or just the good old shibshib therapy, it will make him as a part of his personality to be inferior... and introvert... he will not be successful, he will not be happy with life, low self esteem, etc... and more than likely to have depression/suicidal thoughts later on in his life, if not now already!

    an elven year old already thinking of suicide?! can that be... believe it or not, yes! If you hit him, and more than likely your parents use hitting in their child rearing methods, he's feeling inferior already, he goes to school he's not confident, or he just "acts" confident to try to fit in, but in the end he's not confident, so he doesn't get the right attention from his teacher, his friends are "superior" than him due to his inferiority... the whole world would be "against" him... you can finish the scenario!

    what you can do is give him credit, "good job" when good is done... "you can do better, I know you can" when wrong is done... joke around with him, give him a hug or a kiss... even though he'll fight you, do the effort... he's fighting (jokingly), but his brain is so happy... when you have homework slowly get him into searching stuff for you online... tell him I need the computer, if he's not doing something important... if he's playing a game... you can nicely tell him, I need the computer in about 5 minutes, finish what you're doing... but again you have to be fair with him, so you cant take the computer for 20 hours of the day and give him 4 hours... so use logic with him... tell him you were on the computer for 5 hours today (even though I think over an hour is too much for him at this age), its already 7 o'clock and I'm going to sleep at 11... so that will give me only 4 hours to be on the computer, do you think that's fair?!

    this will not work right away of course, but with in a month, he will start using the method, and even remind you of it!

    all in all focus on your relationship with him!

    neshkor Allah... akhadna el baraka
  • Go with the shibshib therapy.
  • loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
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