edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Ive got a problem which im confussed in how to deal with it. Problem:  A collegaue of mine upset me and my other friend and broke the friendship that was in between both of us.We were both really good mates (close). She left a great grieve mark in both of our hearts and now we hardly talk to each other, as if were not there at all. I want to forgive her as Christ commanded but i cant forget what she did. For that person was my best friend and every time i pass him i remember what she did. She acts as if shes innoncent, she hasnt even apoligised or shown any sign of remorse. I'm suprised of her action towards me and my friend. Now i want to forgive but i cant forget. Whenever i see i want to speak to her but i fell sumfing is blocking me.
What should i do? Should i talk to her about it in a Christian manner so it well be easier for me? When i forgive is it nessecary to forget? What about if i cant? What should i do?  ??? ??? ??? :'( :'( :'( :'( :-\ ??? :'(

I really need ur help urgentley and ur opinions.

I hope i made sense( my spelling is awful!!!)


  • Your spelling was fine. I think it is best to confront her and just say, "What I believe you have done has hurt me. I have lost a close friend. I have done some nasty things in my life. So, at the moment I am finding it hard to forgive or forget what you have done, but I suppose I will soon. As I said, I have done nasty things and have been forgiven by others. It would be easier to me, perhaps, if you tell me you are sorry or at least why things happened the way it did, but that is not all that necessary. Even if I forgive what you have done, I am unsure if I can trust you again. Just wanted you to know how things are. Take from this whatever you want." And then leave. I think it is frank, it is to the point, and it is honest- well from what I read...

    That how if I was sober(from emotions) minded would handle it.

  • [quote author=coptic youth link=topic=5572.msg74355#msg74355 date=1184673638]
    What should i do? Should i talk to her about it in a Christian manner so it well be easier for me?

    if i understand the story correctly, u guys are i guess mature youth. like over 18 yrs old atleast.
    anwys, what you should do is speak to her if it really hurts to not to. but don't talk to her about what she did wrong. the worst thing ever is to do that...even thoo they did do somthing wrong. so just try to talk to her about it but not into a direct way. a christion manner is not to rebuke the other if that would hurt them....the christian manner is when some one cares for the other and keeps and helps him/her to stay on the christian path.

    When i forgive is it nessecary to forget? What about if i cant? What should i do?

    yes u should forget when u forgive. and i said should becasue sometimes u can't. i don't most of the time. but the way it sound in ur discreption of the story, ur haven't let go and forgave yet. sooooo
  • three things
    1) realistically one can never realli forget........memories are just pushed back into the unsciousness (well we try to) but its how u treat the person thereafter that matters....since u still are not able to face this person u havent realli forgiven them......BUT u have the intention which is takes time sumtimes especially wen the outcome has resulted in a loss............
    2) confront her but in a constructive manner.....abusing her wont realli help as one wud like express how u feel and give her the opportunity to speak
    3) try and make a mense with ur (ex) best fren, that may help you forgive this gurl.......

    God bless n take care ;)
  • thanks guys for ur answers . but the problem is that i dont want her to tell all her friends. i wnat to be able to talk to her without making it worse and that i dont remebr what she has done to me, i want to be able to forgive her from my heart and forget. its hard and i am extremley upset and confused.  ??? :-\ :'( :'(
  • I think u should talk to her. but not in a judgemental way. imagine u r still friends and she did something bad and she hurt u. just talk to her in a calm way. don't make her feel like it is judgement day already. make her feel like that at least u did something wrong so she won't feel bad that she is the only one who did do something wrong. just don't let her feel lonely in the problem.hope i helped!
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