Girlfriend causing me to sin

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a decade and, we’re graduating college within the year.

I found Orthodxy a year ago and vowed to live a more righteous life, like Abba Moses. However, due to my sinful past with my girlfriend (formicatoon) she cannot cope with abstaining until marriage. So every now and then, I am tempted and fall into sin...she tempts me. Just like Joseph who was in Pharoah’s house. I never bring it up, in fact, I remind her that it is a sin but nevertheless, she continues to tempt me.

She is a Roman Catholic however she is by label only.

Half of me is telling me to break up with her, however, the other half is telling me to stay because it might get better. Better as in she finds Christ, and is open to becoming Oriental Orthodox and refrains from tempting me to sin.

I want to propose but not to an ungodly woman.

But I don’t know what to do. We’ve been best friends and talked every single day since the 7th grade however, I’ll do what it takes to become a righteous person


  • edited December 2017
    Jathniel, your maturity in handling this matter and your love for Christ and quest for righteousness is amazing. God bless your journey and bless you in your struggles.

    Have you tried introducing her to the idea of Orthodoxy? How did she respond? You have been talking every day for over a decade, have you tried to integrate Christ and Orthodoxy into your regular conversations? If she is responding negatively, or not willing despite many attempts at persuading her, then it may be time to break up with her.

    Growing in the faith is like stretching a rubber band. The further you get, the harder the devil will pull back on you. We all suffer failures and are presented with struggles and temptations. Keep going, and don't give up!

    I urge you to seek counsel from your Father of Confession in how to proceed
  • correct advice.
    also note that you are following the 1st man when you blame 'eve'.
    best just 2 confess u are wrong, we all sin sometimes.
  • Not true mabsoota. The first man blamed God for his actions. He said to God :" the woman whom YOU gave me told me eat".

    God punished the woman because she listen to the serpent. However, he punished Adam because he listened to the woman.

    It's best to listen to what the holy spirit is telling you.
  • edited January 2018

    It will take time for her to adjust. Be patient. She needs to get used to you as you change, and you cannot go from one way to another without bumps in the road. St. Moses is my, "patron" saint. He fought demons for many years before conquering them, and I am sure he never fully got rid of every weakness. Just as his brothers were patient with him, and he became with those who were robbers and become monks, you will have to find that balance of patience and understanding and not trying to be judgemental and set standards that were not there until recently. Step by step.

    Father Lazuarus once told a story that he was walking back up his cave on the mountain. He went down to the monastery to grab food and supplies. As he was walking up, his mind wondered and he was over come by a demon and fell, getting injured and requiring a hospital stay.

    Even the most ascetic monks suucomb to wandering minds and desires. There is no need to call someone you have been with so long, "ungodly" because she is adhering to standards that were previously set. By you, by the way. Be patient, and just as Abba Moses was brought to the faith -- seeing people practice what they preach -- and you can do the same with her. My wife did a great job, it only took her 11 years! Merry Christmas, and don't forget about us up at the Monastery!
  • yes, adam blamed God as well.
    italian coptic, would you like to tell us more about how your wife lead you to the faith?
    i think it would be useful for jathniel as well as the rest of us.
    11 years is a long time, could she maybe send me a personal message with her tips for patience?
  • It's always important to remember that your sins are not a part of you. We all, myself first and foremost, sin. Let's take lying for example. When I tell a lie, I am not a liar in God's eyes. I'm a person who lied. The same goes for any other sin. 'im not a er, I'm a person who ed.' Now it's important to clarify that sin- the tendency to make mistakes- is intertwined with humanity. But humanity is not defined by sin. It was, but that was before 33 AD when Jesus died on the cross, freeing us from the bondage of sin.

    Pray for me.
  • A few things I must ask....Couldn't you just marry her in a Syrian or armenian church if shes catholic?their sacraments are valid and they don't mind marrying you to a catholic woman.

    second,the patriarchs had many concubines and God gave david his master's wives as a gift,I always wondered why new testament christianity considered sex outside of wedlock a sin and advocated strict sacramental monogamy.I will never understand it nor be fully convinced its a requirement for lawfull sex.
  • Also Eastern orthodox sacraments are valid in the eyes of the church(Especially antiochian EO in the eyes of syriac church)and they also will perform a wedding with a catholic...thats also an option....

    strict marital monogamy is just a Greek culture custom its not divine  law OP,try reading 2 samuel 12:8.
  • one last thing..when the NT forbids ''pornea''or fornication it likely ment cult prostitution not sex outside of marriage.theres a poster on Rooshvforum named samseau who made a compelling case for that idea here  ;There's Nothing In The Bible That Prohibits Premarital Sex For Men
  • Monfret

    Why is it OK for a man to have pre-marital sex and not a woman? 

    Do you actually believe that? Do you actually believe that pre-marital sex is OK? 
  • Zoxsasi,I never said its not oke for a woman.I honestely don't know and plead ignorance,I know the Biblical patriarchs had concubines,kings in israel had concubines ''pelageshim'' the Noahide laws the forbidden relationships don't include premarital sex and marriage was when you moved in with a woman,the  Beit din of Shem did forbid marrying idolaters per the Gemara but that would only be incubent on the descendants of shem(Who I believe was fictional anyway).I just don't See the reasons for all these draconian marriage laws in the coptic church.I don't and never will be convinced that polygamy is illegal however,if so why would God condone it giving David someone else's wives and also saying if he wants more he would give him more?

    it just seems that christianity is riddled with roman and Greek cultural customs and ideas and sometimes it seems it has a different God than the God of moses,but rather has the God of plotinus or pythagoras.
  • I stand by my comment that pornea means cult prostitution not fornication.that doesn't mean fornication is allowed under the new covenant however,though it was permissable  under the law of moses and law of noach.

    in the bible knowing a woman sexually with the intent of marriage ment you were married in pre-mosaic times.

    I just don't see the biblical rationale for forbidding marriage to idolatresses and demanding  you marry an OO this based on some apostolic tradition?also not.

    its a frustrating law.


    now the fathers do forbid fornication,but fathers are just early bishops with maybe good advice or insight into certain things not infallible gods or prophets.even if every father forbid fornication or polygamy I wouldn't be convinced God did.
  • edited January 2018
    Last comment because I know its controversial,but theres a beautiful  verse in the muslim text wich states ''the Jews and Christians haven taken their rabbis and monks as lords besides God''and I can see where the author was coming from.the way we quote fathers is the same way jews quote the Sanhedrin Rabbis,atleast the Jews have the excuse of being able to read into Dueteronomy 17:8 ,despite the fact the babylonian sanhedrin had no authority from this verse.but we exalt the opinions of the fathers as divine law when its just usefull advice and an interesting look into the beliefs of the time.I'm not even convinced a ecumenical council is infallible or guided by the spirit because the scripture says no such thing.I  wonder how Christendom would have looked if the Jews accepted christ and the early bishops were all israelites?

    it would probabely be less castrated.the Greeks were contemplative philosophical wierdos,so were the romans.the afro-asiatic peoples were atleast virile and earthy practical folk.I'm convinced the forbiddance of polygamy by the Hellenized fathers is a cultural custom that has no basis in divine moral law.I also Believe the forbidding of sex outside marriage is a greek custom.I'm also convinced banning or refusing to marry a christian to a idolatress let alone a fellow christian is purely for power control reasons.

  • The union of marriage is a symbol of unity of the church. When Christ changed the water into wine at the wedding of Cana of Galilee, He manifested His glory and His disciples believed in Him (John 2:1-11).
    It is a symbol of the heart and soul of union.
    Spiritual matters are symbolized this way and where handed down through Apostolic tradition from Christ and there meanings were built upon the Moses law and became greater. It is like we have a sign post that tells us the way to go or instructions but if it is in our hearts and souls in which way to go, it is embedded and we know it to be true. A sign post is inadequate. The Holy Spirit puts the guidance into us when we understand the tradition handed to us through the Apostles and church Fathers.
  • edited January 2018
    "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God
    (1 Corinthians 6,9-10)

  • edited January 2018
    AndrewRezk,a actual ranslaion would be neither cult prostitutes....pornea means cult ,prostitution not fornicators!sop being anachronistic.

    the patriarchs were fornicators and they are saints

    the bible forbids cult prostitution not sex outside marriage!
  • edited January 2018
    Joshuaa,youre superimposing on the text what isn't philosophical garbage and someone's unfounded better.forbidding polygamy is hellenization.PERIOD.

    polygamy is a divine act.2 samuel 12:18 GOD CONDONED POLYGAMY  AS A GOOD RIGHTEOUS THING

  • ח  וָאֶתְּנָה לְךָ אֶת-בֵּית אֲדֹנֶיךָ, וְאֶת-נְשֵׁי אֲדֹנֶיךָ בְּחֵיקֶךָ, וָאֶתְּנָה לְךָ, אֶת-בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל וִיהוּדָה; וְאִם-מְעָט--וְאֹסִפָה לְּךָ, כָּהֵנָּה וְכָהֵנָּה.8 and I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that were too little, then would I add unto thee so much more....
  • edited January 2018
    primera scriptura!the scripture is the judge of tradition not vice-versa.there is ZERO proof scripturally or even from a apostolic hadith that pornea means sex outside marriage!there is zero proof polygamy was banned by the messiah-God or his apostles.

    there is no good reason to limit marriage to OOs within the coptic church!

     Ellen Flessman-Van Leer 

    For Tertullian Scripture is the only means for refuting or validating a doctrine as regards its content...For Irenaeus, the church doctrine is certainly never purely traditional; on the contrary, the thought that there could be some truth, transmitted exclusively viva voce (orally), is a Gnostic line of thought...If Irenaeus wants to prove the truth of a doctrine materially, he turns to scripture, because therein the teaching of the apostles is objectively accessible. Proof from tradition and scripture serve one and the same end: to identify the teaching of the church as the original apostolic teaching. The first establishes that the teaching of the church is this apostolic teaching, and the second, what this apostolic teaching is (Ellen Flessman-van Leer, Tradition and Scripture in the Early Church (Van Gorcum, 1953, pp. 184, 133, 144).

    Scripture does not ban fornication nor polygamy nor marriage to idolatresses.neither do any apostolic ahadith !its purely nonsence to forbid such things!

  •'re making stuff as you go (like translating things and interpreting them as you see fit to agree with you're arguments). The Church and Christianity in general has always been against "sexual immoralities" which includes all sexual acts outside a lawful marriage between a man and a wife. This is unique to the New Testament in which Christ Himself clarified that even looking at a women and desiring her sexually in your mind is now considering a sin...despite what was "allowed" and hated by God in the Old Testament (ie divorce), and despite what since church fathers or patriarchs, of any apostolic church has done.

  • Minatasgeel,church fathers have interesting opinions and exegesis ,but it is only their opinion nothing more,they are not prophets.if polygamy were bad, God would not promote it (He didn't merely'' tolerate'' it).
  • @monfret

    Can you cite any new covenant scripture that promotes polygamy?
  • @monfret i only posted a verse where it says that fornication is wrong, but the bibble have a lot more of them, just read it ;)

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