I've been in a search for truth for 7 years, I left the Coptic orthodox
church, Christianity and belief in god when I was 16, then I tried reading
about religions, then I joined a protestant church, I've been there for a
couple of months, but recently I read a verse about Elisha when his
bones resurrected a dead guy, that made me look at the relics in another
light as I was opposed to the relics. But I have 4 questions:
1- How can you reason obeying bishops and priests when they are
sinners and I've had religious and political differences with many of
them, in Egypt even one bishop (Bishoy) said Catholics and protestants aren't
going to heaven! how can you be able to obey them? I've always thought the late pope Shenoudah III was wrong on preventing Coptics from going to Palestine and supporting Mubarak and interfering in politics, and many priests abuse the power they have in forgiveness of sins!
2- I can confess anything, but I have one "sexual" deviance that I can't
confess, I even try to suppress it psychologically, I still do it and I can't stop it, I don't have the will power or self-discipline needed... Can you tell me
the most evil, deviant thing somebody confessed? as I think this
deviance is so evil that I can't let anybody know even if it meant I
would go to hell, I would go to hell because of it anyway!
3- I know Jesus said eat my body but I think it's not logical to assume
he meant literally or physically, isn't that cannibalism? isn't that a
pagan practice of eating a portion of a body of a strong warrior to
assume his power! (Can someone explain the doctrine to me logically, don't just quote bible verses)
4- When my grandma died a priest came in the third day and he said some
prayers, asked for a pack of parsley and he used it to sprinkle water on
us! when I asked they said it was to exorcise the spirit of the dead
form the house! I think this is crazy!
By the way can you recommend a book that I can read to dissolve my problems as an agnostic atheist.. I want something to prove god exists without a place for doubt and then something to prove that this god is the god of Christianity.
(I'm sorry if my language was offending, but I'm sick of searching... I've been in this for 7 years... I'm studying Hinduism now, I'm lost)