About a a girl that I like...

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hey, I'm a 20 year old guy, studying in 3rd year of architectural engineering school, there is this girl who is in the same year, she's younger than me by some months, well when I first saw her I fell for her, I mean she's ultra beautiful, she looks younger than her age by two or three years, I really liked her looks, I hadn't had any conversation with her at the first year except for a quick hi, but in second year she specialized in my same specialization, then we've been exchanging a lot of talking, but the thing is:

1) Those conversations were about the same thing, how's school, how's church and that's it, those conversations lasted for about 30-40 minutes with nothing in them but chatter, I mean I really like her looks, her sense of humor, I mean she laughs about every funny thing I say and I know that's a sign of attraction but I say, she's laughing and smiling all the day, maybe she laughs at my jokes because her sense of humor accepts what I say, that's it, also about the chatter thing, I used to chat with another girl on facebook for hours without me feeling bored or anything, with this girl we have lots of weird moments of silence, that doesn't mean I don't have fun while being with her, but I feel our conversations are not interesting enough to me

2) She's in my same school in the same year, getting married to a girl the same age is hard somehow here, you have to prepare an apartment and some starting money to start a house that means she'll have to wait for about 2-3 more years after our graduation plus I don't feel comfortable with the idea of getting married to somebody who works in my same field (I don't know why, give me your opinions about  this)

3) About the religious part, well we're both Christians,  the difference is I was born a christian became an atheist and then studied to find the truth, and my research led me back to the church (Orthodox) I also attended for some months in a protestant evangelical church (her family's church), that's the clash she's a protestant and when I raised the idea of her visiting my church to attend the mass someday she changed the subject and that showed that she doesn't have the tendency to trying things at the orthodox church, I didn't ask her why directly though

How to know if she really likes me without asking her directly, what to do about not being interested in our conversations together (Although I try very hard to make those conversations interesting but it just seems that we walk in closed circles, how's school, yea it's hard, this subject is good, that one is bad, how is life, how is church, weird moment of silence, so what did you do yesterday in that lecture, and how's life outside of school going) what to do about her being a protestant and I'm an orthodox, and also studying to be a deacon, your opinions whatever they are are highly appreciated, by the way what do you think (if anybody here heard the video) of what Fr. Dawood Lamey said about Ehsbha sah (A protestant carnival held yearly that many orthodox people go to, I went the year), thanks a lot, god bless you all.


  • What Abouna Dawood said is perfect regarding that abomination called "e7sebha sa7." I would even say he was mild. If tht was me speaking, I would have taken off regarding that program. God Bless Abouna Dawood
  • Sorry this is a separate topic, but does someone have a link to Abouna Dawood's comments?


  • But sorry it's all in Arabic, I couldn't find a translated one.
  • [quote author=Bishoy.Adel link=topic=14691.msg166341#msg166341 date=1382477111]

    But sorry it's all in Arabic, I couldn't find a translated one.

    God knows how long it's been since I posted something on here... but I am not okay with this video. With all due respect to Abouna, I disagree with that he says, based on this:

    "9 Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ 13 And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”"
    -Luke 18: 9-14

    As for the original post, I can tell you right now that I am not the best person to give you advice, but here goes:

    1.Her being not orthodox: As someone who was once away from God, and found your way back, back to orthodoxy out of all denominations, after you "searched for the truth," maybe you will be able to guide her to the same conclusion you came to, without telling her that being protestant is wrong, but rather by letting her find out how the orthodox way is more "correct"

    2. Talk to your priest about it, he knows you better than any of us would, and he will be able to give you better advice

    3. PRAY. "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21...

    4. though looks might be important to an extent, looks shouldn't be the basis for the reason you like her... (example: if she was in an accident and no longer looked the way she does, would you still be interested in talking to her?) ... personality all the way.

    5. Does the friendship/relationship lead you closer to God?

    To find out if she likes you, I don't have any useful advice... just pray about it, and you will have peace in your heart for whatever God's plan is for you (and possibly her.)

    Forgive me if I have offended anyone,
    God Bless.

    Also, my comment about the video: It is my opinion, you are free to disagree with me and think Abouna Dawoud is in the right. Your opinion. Any replies to what I said about the video will most likely go ignored. :)
  • Get to know her as a friend first. See if you have common interests that lead you to the same college societies/activities.

    Then ask her out for coffee/ a meal/ study session (if you are good at what you do, you can offer to help her with difficult subjects).

    Remember, even if the girl likes you, she is waiting for you to make a move (some girls are different I know, but this is my opinion as a female).

    But definitely do not rush into asking her to be your girlfriend. You need to make sure she understands the aim of why you want to get to know her. As you don't know what her family/culture is like..she may just look at relationships as something for trial and error. But to you, it is serious and has marriage in the future.

    About her being the same age: that is ok, although girls are much more mature at this age than guys (just a fact, not bias and not saying one gender is better than the other or anything).
    You do need to get to know her for a few years before marriage anyways so it is fine that you still need time to be financially stable. It is a huge decision so you should take all the time you have to decide whether she is the right person for you.

    You have to decide whether you feel you are ready for courtship. Will it distract your studies? Relationships need a lot of commitment and time. If you are not ready to give, you will struggle (I.e. You can't just talk to the person one weekend and say that you will be busy for the next two weeks and do not want to contact them).

    When I was younger I used to feel very strongly about membership of the Orthodox Church. But hey, there are things in the coptic church that I disagree with, and you will find Christians from all types of churches who have their own opinions of what they believe. Talk to her and see what she thinks of Christianity. Is it just a label she has as being Protestant? Or is she a practising Christian?

    There are some very good people and some really bad ones in any church. And the coptic church has a very narrow minded view and condemns people for having relationships with Christians from other churches. It's overprotective if you ask me.

    I know of couples whose families where from different sectors in Christianity and to please both families they had two ceremonies on separate dates just to make them happy. There is no guidebook to life and so you need to search your heart, think with the brain god gave you and pray to god to help you make good decisions. We mustn't act like we live in a cult that dictates how to live our lives. We live according to God's commandments..and if you make sure you follow these, I don't see what is wrong with anything you do.
  • I don't know what to say, first off thanks to everybody that answered the question, the thing here is that I stopped looking for love, I gave away looking for a relationship, I just want a girl to love me for who am I, I am waiting for love to come now, I don't rush it or look for it, I'd been rejected by a couple of girls, and one day I just said any girl who would openly admit she's attracted to me or just hints it (but you know men need huge hints) will probably be mrs Adel :) I mean I will just cease to look for a girl that I like, instead I will wait for the girl who will truly like me, that's it, I have a huge ambition of being a college professor in my study field (Architectural engineering) and to be a project manager/executive engineer, This is going to take plenty of time already, love will come eventually, I guess.

    Bottom line is I've been looking for love for years but I didn't give love a chance to look for me, I will just wait.

    Thanks again, I also hope that my words give hope for everybody who didn't find love yet
  • have a huge ambition of being a college professor in my study field (Architectural engineering) and to be a project manager/executive engineer,

    Best of luck.

    I guess you are studying in Egypt. True?
  • To you, you may sound that you are willing to settle/ humble/ compromise

    Unfortunately your strategy is selfish, you want someone else's love and not want to give an equal or higher love. You give your life to your career but want someone to give up their life to be your convenient partner.

    In this case, it is better to be single than to do what you are planning to do. You may end up with a great woman and make her unhappy for the rest of her life.

    There is no such thing as love after marriage. There is "I am stuck with this person for the rest of my life and there is no way out so I better be civil".

    Marriage is not a transaction. If you're just looking for companionship then make friends, not ruin someone's life (and yours).

    And if you decide to have children, they will see, they will feel that there is no true love between their parents, and that creates resentment.

    I just had to be blunt.
  • @Stavro: Thanks a lot, yes I am studying in Egypt, hope things get better here because I don't want to leave the country :)

    @Mnc-hnn: I think you got me wrong, I'm not saying that I want a girl to love me more than I love her, but I'm saying that the attractive trait in the girl that I will love is not that she's smart or beautiful or anything but that she likes me, I'm not seeking love from one side, but it's love that will make me love a girl, I don't want a girl that doesn't like me back, that's the bottom line, the last thing I want for a person is loving me without me loving them back, becasue I was hurt by that and I don't want any girl to feel these feelings of rejection :)
  • edited March 2014
    I honestly believe that Coptic Church is not close minded.  IF you listened to what Fr. Dawood carefully, you would not have made such an ignorant statement to be honest.  I know for a fact that protestants pull people away from the Coptic Church when in reality they should be pulling people who ARE NOT Christian to Christianity.

    We are called by the bible not to judge those of higher stature in the church, and most certainly you are not allowed to judge His O2des. 

    Almost everyone I know who married outside the Coptic Church was pulled away from church.  Moreover, just because something you don't agree with does not actually mean you are right. 

    The Coptic Church is the strongest Christian sect in the world by far.  Kindly refrain from defaming the name of the Coptic Church, especially by making such blank statements. 

  • From what you posted initially, it sounds like you are very attracted to this girl's appearance. I really like what Alex E R said. What happens if something happens to her and she loses the way she looks. Will that affect your relationship with her in anyway? I suggest you review with yourself why you like her, because to be honest personality is infact key. If you can't seem to create much conversation with her regularly than you might need to think about what's more important. I mean it's not wrong to be attracted to someone's appearance. At the same time, appearance and looks can be misleading if you are looking for a relationship and only basing it on that.

    Another thing to note is the fact she's not Orthodox. Remember that our church is very keen on reminding us that our spiritual life surpasses all other things in life. Get to know her more and see if you both get a long better. If you do, then reintroduce the faith to her. See if she is interested and will find her spiritual life through our church. If she does then that's good. A key note is that being married to someone not from our faith can only risk your relationship with God and your service to church.

    Remember don't force anything! The worst thing you can do is force yourself into a relationship that is not natural. Be open to her not accepting it, because remember God will plan out your life. If she is not the one for you and God has another plan, then we must prioritize what God wants in the end. Very important thing to do is PRAY. I can't stress this enough. Remember that God gives you your life and the relationships you have in it. He knows what's best. Pray and come to an understanding with Him. Aside from all this, just be wise with what you do. Make sure all of this will benefit you in the long run. May God help you, bless you, and guide you into finding what you are looking for. May he give us all the wisdom to understand His will. God bless

    "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)

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