I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi All,
I thought a lot before posting this, but at the end I decided to just let it out & post.
I'm 28 male, working as an engineer, & well established in the country that I live in. My problem is related to finding a good spiritual girl for marriage.
Approximately 4 years ago, I was in love with a girl from church, & we decided to get married, but at the last minute she told me that she no longer has feelings for me.  We broke up at this point, & I felt extremely hurt after it. Anyway...life got on, & after 2 years I got engaged to a girl from Egypt.  Same thing happened again, & we broke up.
At the moment I feel extremely lonely, sad, frustrated, I feel that I really want a relationship, I want to get married & have kids. All my friends already got married, most of them have kids. I hate the feeling of being in a different phase than them. Do not get me wrong, I don't want to get married to just copy them, I actually want to get married because I'm truly in need for marriage & a relationship. I trust in God's wisdom & that He will send me the right person at the right time. But currently I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I also don't know what to do, I attended many conventions to get to know people but again that didn't work. Does anyone know what I should do? Any of you feel the same sometimes? Please let me know what you think


  •   Hi Baladoos,
                        My thoughts are when I read your post was that you had two failed engagements. this seemed to me to be the problem and not that you can't get married. So I think of the way it is suppoed to go. First you find some attractive qualitiy in the other person and the same with them, then you ask them if you want marriage and you ask Abouna and you become engaged. When you become engaged, you become best friends and get to know each other and what other qualities the other has. But it started with the attraction and that strong quality the other person saw.
              So my question is: Did you ever ask her what she saw in you that she loved about you? because what ever it was, it was your strength. Then if you didn't show this strength from time to time, her attraction to you would of gone. Because the same thing happened again with another girl, shows there may be a problem with the engagement side of it.
              My thoughts on engagement and what you have to do, well, is to make sure you are thinking of her and showing it, and always be forgiving with humour if you can, and pay compliments for all the positive things she does.
              You will get your strength from God so try not to look at the situation as just as what everyone else does. If you do then you will take things for granted. When something is granted it needs permission, so we look for God's permission rather than our own. Along with permission comes respect and we look for the respect in God and not our own faulty respect. So instead of taking things for granted, more effort has to go into what we want to build.

        My prayers are for you baladoos and that you are rewarded by the offering of intimacy toward the one you love. God bless.
  • Was there anything in particular that affected the way these relationships ended?

    It could be just that your personalities weren't compatible. It could be that you are tolerant and can get along with different people but these two girls did not have the same qualities as you.

    Try to look on the situation as an outsider; reflect on what you have learnt about yourself from these experiences. What are your best qualities? Anything that you can improve? Did you happen to ask those two girls if there is anything specific that led them to break up?

    I am just making guesses here for possible options as I don't know you so I am not trying to offend you at all:

    You mentioned that you almost did get married; could it be that there is some break down in communication later on in your relationships? May be you assume that the other person now knows you and there is no need to verbalise your thoughts and feelings?

    Are there any financial differences/ issues?

    Was there a family background element that led to their decision?

    Also, could it be that you appeared too lonely/ desperate for companionship that could have made them anxious as to whether you are genuinely interested in their individual personalities, and not just any religious marriage-age girl?

    How did the engagements end? was there an argument prior to it? was there a period of tension between both of you before you decided to break up?

    Were there any matters which both of you couldn't agree on? e.g. where you will live, what things you like, what things you disapprove of? how close you are to your families?
  • baladoos,

    I know how u feel. I have had two horrible marriges. So u can be very grateful u did not get married to these women and then end up miserable and divorced! Bad marriages are very stressfull and so ugly. I shudder even when I remember. And the tunnel seems even longer and the light further away when u carry the burdens of bad marriages.  But there is light at the end.....God is there!!! I have been listening to Abouna Anthony Messeh on youtube and its amazing he says just what I need to hear like the message was personally made for me! Our God is there we just have to seek Him.
    I do not have the links for fr. Antony but it is easy to find on youtube or I'll share the links at a later time

    God bless u
  • Maybe GOD doesnt want you to get married???

    Try listening to this
    GOD plan for marriage
  • maybe the god has made best girl for you that's why he is taking time.... dont hurry for getting married many times in hurry we make a huge mistake which can not be corrected throughout the life  have some patience you will get your right girl at right time
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