hUgGing???

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
aghaby everyone!

So, i know that hugging guys is not very "mohtaram" rite?  It is more appropiate for a girl to not do that.  i dont think it is a sin.  bUt it is what is best.  However, just today in school, i was telling my friend?(girl) goodbye and i hugged her,  OKay?  she is coptic egy too..So, my  guy friend hoo is actually shorter than me was standing there and he was like : I dont get a hug? ANd i looked at him really embarrassed, i didnt know what to say...My friend realized this and she was liek coptic girls dont really hug boys.  So, he was like okay? and tehn i said bye and we left.  ANd tehn i was liek i still love you guys.  SO in this position i felt bad, simply because I am not used to hugging guy friends only family.  Rite! so, i felt really bad.  I didnt know what to do.what do u think i should have done?  I mean one reason i wouldnt have hugged a guy is because ppl will always judge u. they mite tell their parents and assume ur a bad girl.  even if it was a friendly hug. rite? Btw.  he was american.  A really nice kid, who is shorter than me haha l0l

thankss for ur advice=))

+mahraeel+
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Comments

  • I say that you should talk to your FOC  (Father OF Confession) about this.  He will tell you everything it because you tell your problems to him.  Also talk to your closest family member about this because you talk with each other to solve problems with each other.
    BUt with my point of view, i do not think that that it is inapropriate It is not like you are doing something bad.  But some people are very strict about this so watch out if you are hugging a boy next to a person who thinks it is inappropriate. 
    Thank You so much.
    Pray for me :) ;)
  • LOl yeaa but its hard to talk to my FOC about this..believe it ot not....Lol idk he will just think i want to hug boys.  its weird...i know! thanks for answeirng=)  keep commenting pleaseeee

    +mahraeel+
  • There is nothing wrong with a friendly hug.  Don't worry about how others (copts) might view you, only worry about how God views you. 

     
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with hugging friends - it is simply a meaningless physical act. What is important for you to be aware of are the thoughts and emotions behind the hug. If it is just an innocent friendly hug, then that is all fine, but if it is done with lustful emotions behind it, then it is a sin. Obviously in your case it is simply a friendly hug to a companion - so its all good  :)

    pray for me

    joe
  • [quote author=mahraeel link=topic=7279.msg96455#msg96455 date=1225241824]
    aghaby everyone!

    So, i know that hugging guys is not very "mohtaram" rite?  It is more appropiate for a girl to not do that.  i dont think it is a sin.  bUt it is what is best.  However, just today in school, i was telling my friend?(girl) goodbye and i hugged her,  OKay?  she is coptic egy too..So, my  guy friend hoo is actually shorter than me was standing there and he was like : I dont get a hug? ANd i looked at him really embarrassed, i didnt know what to say...My friend realized this and she was liek coptic girls dont really hug boys.  So, he was like okay? and tehn i said bye and we left.  ANd tehn i was liek i still love you guys.  SO in this position i felt bad, simply because I am not used to hugging guy friends only family.  Rite! so, i felt really bad.  I didnt know what to do.what do u think i should have done?  I mean one reason i wouldnt have hugged a guy is because ppl will always judge u. they mite tell their parents and assume ur a bad girl.  even if it was a friendly hug. rite? Btw.  he was american.   A really nice kid, who is shorter than me haha l0l

    thankss for ur advice=))

    +mahraeel+


    I think Egyptians are so complicated.
  • I had a similar problem last year when I started spending more time with my arab friends (I'm european), and most of them are Coptic or Muslim and then I met my friend in the supermarket with his brother and sister in law and I kissed the woman on both cheeks but only shook hands with her husband. That felt normal for me at that time. He was upset because last time we met I kissed them both on the cheek (they are German, so this is really normal for them), so I thought about it a lot and then the next time we met I kissed them both on the cheek, because we are both Christians and his wife was there so we knew no-one was going to get the wrong message.
    It all depends on 2 things,
    1. what message will you convey? Like if the guy (or girl if the other way round) might think you're after him, then hold back, you don't want to confuse your friends. If you do hug, do like an 'A-line' hug (where you don't stand very close but reach to hug the other person's shoulders) for the opposite sex; i think in european and N american cultures this means ' i really like you but want to make sure you don't get the wrong idea'.  Also it shows people that you treat the opposite sex with respect, and you should be respected for that. I think most arabs in the diaspora should be ok with this because it's cultural integration. You may need to be careful about this back in the homelands though.
    2. what do you feel like? if hugging makes you feel uncomfortable, then respect yourself and don't go over your boundaries. maybe you have hidden feelings for the guy or maybe you really don't know how to hug without it looking weird. either way someone might get confused so hold back. It's not the end of the world to upset someone by not hugging them, you could make them a cup of tea instead. (this would be the british way, i suppose in the usa u would buy them a coke?!) this would show you care without using any physical contact.
    What does everyone else think? I would be interested to read it.
  • okay so it was okay if i hugged him?  I mean i dont nknow, im just not used to it..lol any ideaas

    +mahraeel+

    [quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=7279.msg96473#msg96473 date=1225287177]
    [quote author=mahraeel link=topic=7279.msg96455#msg96455 date=1225241824]
    aghaby everyone!

    So, i know that hugging guys is not very "mohtaram" rite?  It is more appropiate for a girl to not do that.  i dont think it is a sin.  bUt it is what is best.  However, just today in school, i was telling my friend?(girl) goodbye and i hugged her,  OKay?  she is coptic egy too..So, my  guy friend hoo is actually shorter than me was standing there and he was like : I dont get a hug? ANd i looked at him really embarrassed, i didnt know what to say...My friend realized this and she was liek coptic girls dont really hug boys.  So, he was like okay? and tehn i said bye and we left.  ANd tehn i was liek i still love you guys.  SO in this position i felt bad, simply because I am not used to hugging guy friends only family.  Rite! so, i felt really bad.  I didnt know what to do.what do u think i should have done?  I mean one reason i wouldnt have hugged a guy is because ppl will always judge u. they mite tell their parents and assume ur a bad girl.  even if it was a friendly hug. rite? Btw.  he was american.   A really nice kid, who is shorter than me haha l0l

    thankss for ur advice


    I think Egyptians are so complicated.


    LOL yea i agree=)))

    +mahraeel+
  • [quote author=josephgabriel link=topic=7279.msg96468#msg96468 date=1225278430]
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with hugging friends - it is simply a meaningless physical act. What is important for you to be aware of are the thoughts and emotions behind the hug. If it is just an innocent friendly hug, then that is all fine, but if it is done with lustful emotions behind it, then it is a sin. Obviously in your case it is simply a friendly hug to a companion - so its all good  :)


    I think Joe's hit the nail on the head. Personally, I hug anyone who I'm close to male or female (at church). This is just my standard greeting, and isn;t awkward to me at all simply because I've grown up with these people and see them as my brothers and sisters rather than objects of lust. I suppose if it is causing you or others to stumble, then you should avoid doing it. Had a similar discussion with my father of confession, but I don't have time right now to go into details. I'll post some more if anyone's interested, but it's really not that great :P

    Matthew
  • actually i would like to know what your FOC said about this.. i mean my mom awlays says: i" dont want people getting the wrong idea about you and blah blah blah blah" lol yea so thankss londoncopt if you dont mind...=)

    +mahraeel+
  • He told me pretty much what Joe said. Our church is quite a small community, and we (the youth) have all grown up together. We're all so close, we're practically family... we love each other in a brotherly/sisterly way and so we greet one another in a brotherly/sisterly way. Naturally, this is just a hug. When I greet one of my brothers, it tends to be a handshake that goes into a hug. As for sisters, can be a kiss on each cheek (as is normal here in Britain) or just a great big squeezy hug! Because we're all so close, we don't really think about it to be honest...we're just brothers and sisters through the church.

    Now, my father of confession told me that there is nothing wrong with this UNLESS IT CAUSES ME OR OTHERS TO STUMBLE. He said in all honesty, it's best to avoid the temptation altogether. Reminds me of this verse:

    1 Corinthians 8:13 - "Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble"

    Sure there may not be anything wrong with hugging others, but the slightest hint of causing anyone else to stumble then BAM - it was nice knowing you! Just be careful...consider your motives and the consequences of your actions. If in doubt, then just don't do it...nothing wrong with a simple handshake to greet others. I guess it does also depend on who it is you're greeting. I mean, I wouldn't greet a complete stranger with a hug...I have to have known this person for quite some time and quite well if they're gonna get a hug from me!

    Sorry if this hasn't been helpful, typed it out in a bit of a rush!

    Keep me in your prayers,
    Matthew
  • i dont think you should feel bad for not hugging him.
    As london copt said, we can do it in the church because we all know eachother like brothers and sisters. But you said this short guy is not coptic?

    I see many guys taking advantage of a girls greetings of hugs and kisses at school, like they put their face forward waiting for a kiss on the cheek lol. So don't feel bad at all.
  • lol  thanks guys... so its not a sin?  Like i still dont  think ubouna would say its okay? ANd he was a friend Justa  friend ..he looks  lke a baby doll.  lol.  Like no tempting going on.  u noe?

    +mahraeel+
  • first, no tempting from your side... what if he thinks other wise....  and Abounawill probably tell you don't do it...
  • To put it plainly: no, hugging is not a sin, if it it just a friendly innocent hug. If however, it causes others to stumble, or is done with a lustful motive, then it is a sin.

    pray for me

    joe
  • what if you dont know wheter or not the other person is stumbling?

    +mahraeel+
  • A normal hug is short.  Stumbling is like you are pausing for a long time or to give pause to; puzzle or perplex. :)
    Anyways, a hug is a greet which I see is not wrong.
  • woooow... ok... as a girl.. i ve always been taught that no guy is suppose to touch u or be near u... one time a guy actually kissed me on both cheeks in front of my dad... and MY DAD WAS SOO SHOCKED!!! ... i also felt realllly uncomfortable even though i know that this guy had no bad intention.
    My suggestion to u is... u dont have to hug him and i would suggest u dont hug any other guy as well cause Abouna once told us that even though these hugs may start off innocent .. they may eventually develop into the next step and so on. THere are limits between a guy and a girl... that doesnt mean u cant talk to them or say hi... but there is no need of hugs especially because as egyptians ur reputation infront of others is important. If someone in church were to see u hugging guys all the time... then man o man LOL u definetly wont hear the end of it and especially from ur parents...
    Even if a guy and a girl have no other lustful thoughts in mind ... i still think that hugging is not okay... i mean.. wats wrong with a high five?? lol
    keep ur limits... for the sake of ur reputation and fleeing from temptaion
    its not necessairly a sin.. but u dont want to plant a seed that may eventually lead to sin.
    God Bless,
    Enough
  • [quote author=Enough link=topic=7279.msg96624#msg96624 date=1225566522]
    woooow... ok... as a girl.. i ve always been taught that no guy is suppose to touch u or be near u... one time a guy actually kissed me on both cheeks in front of my dad... and MY DAD WAS SOO SHOCKED!!! ... i also felt realllly uncomfortable even though i know that this guy had no bad intention.
    My suggestion to u is... u dont have to hug him and i would suggest u dont hug any other guy as well cause Abouna once told us that even though these hugs may start off innocent .. they may eventually develop into the next step and so on. THere are limits between a guy and a girl... that doesnt mean u cant talk to them or say hi... but there is no need of hugs especially because as egyptians ur reputation infront of others is important. If someone in church were to see u hugging guys all the time... then man o man LOL u definetly wont hear the end of it and especially from ur parents...
    Even if a guy and a girl have no other lustful thoughts in mind ... i still think that hugging is not okay... i mean.. wats wrong with a high five?? lol
    keep ur limits... for the sake of ur reputation and fleeing from temptaion
    its not necessairly a sin.. but u dont want to plant a seed that may eventually lead to sin.
    God Bless,
    Enough


    thats exactly what my mom said b4! lol


    +mahraeel+
  • Hug is not a sin. I mean it is banned at school for others abuse it, but otherwise hugging others is greeting . telling them that i love you, i care about you (learnt in psychology). "All things are lowful, but not all things suit me." Pick waht you think if God and ur patron saint were with u wont make them upset. Simply, the Arab community is so strict and have many wrong traditons forming misunderstandings. It matters what God approves of, not human.

    Pray for my weakness

    Coptic Youth
  • How do you know what God approves of?  How do you know id he wants  you to hug this person or not?

    +mahraeel+
  • I think if u generally keep close to God (prayer, reading Bible, church, Agpeya, avoiding drunkenness, gossip, meanness etc) and if you ask God for guidance, He will show you. In some situations, it will be important to avoid hugging (he'll get wrong idea) or maybe important to hug (eg if his mum has just died). In the rest of the situations, as long as you try to follow God, it's ok to choose what to do.
    Often, the best thing to do is to give someone a shoulder squeeze or pat on the back. This is what I do for colleagues at work I like, and I only hug guys (briefly) when I've know them for a long time (more than 6-12 months) or when they know my husband quite well.
    When I was single I didn't hug guys much at all as I knew lots of well-behaved Christian guys and we helped each other to respect our boundaries. The guys I studied with had rather different morals, so there was never any question of hugging them.
    I did show I cared for them though by talking about TV shows they watched or helping them understand something in class. So you can be physically distant without being very emotionally distant.
    So, in summary, there's not a 'yes' or 'no' answer, hence this rather interesting discussion topic!  :)
  • I really don't quite understand why it is such a big deal.  As I am reading these posts I am quite shocked that this is even a topic to be discussed and even more appalled at the responses.  Can you imagine going through your life without receiveing or giving hugs... what a cold miserable existence that would be.  A hug is a very warm gesture and a form of greeting people, so why on earth are we complicating things.  We need to be more simple and easy going and no so uptight  and worry about bigger more important issues.
  • [quote author=grace08 link=topic=7279.msg96654#msg96654 date=1225672970]
    I really don't quite understand why it is such a big deal.  As I am reading these posts I am quite shocked that this is even a topic to be discussed and even more appalled at the responses.  Can you imagine going through your life without receiveing or giving hugs... what a cold miserable existence that would be.  A hug is a very warm gesture and a form of greeting people, so why on earth are we complicating things.  We need to be more simple and easy going and no so uptight  and worry about bigger more important issues.


    I am sorry if i upset you.  But this is actually kind of important to me.  And to teh church.  It teaches moral ethics and principles of the church.  I dont see any reason why we cannot discuss this.  If for some reason the moderators lock this topic, i will see your point.  but i dont think there is a chance for that for I am benifiting and i am sure others are too..Sorry for teh misunderstandings=) God bless!

    +mahraeel+
  • if you dont feel comfortable with something dont do it. if you're embarrased then you havent done anything wrong so what? if you force yourself to be 'nice' and hug him you might feel guilty or you might start having thoughts.
    in my opinion i also think that hugging guys..especially when you've started becoming a teenager give them some sort of 'premission' that you allowed them into your personal space when in fact that is not really true.

    im not going to say eh da never do this its not polite and blah blah..the bible says (somewhere in the new testament i believe) that everything is pure for those who are pure. so it depends on how you think about it. for me, i'd never dont that and i find it embarrasing. guys at my school know my principles that, like other girls, i can chat and laugh. however there is no hugging, no anything inappropriate and they respect or 'are forced to accept lol' that.
    is that answering your question?
  • yea  thanks

    +mahraeel+
  • [quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=7279.msg96473#msg96473 date=1225287177]
    [quote author=mahraeel link=topic=7279.msg96455#msg96455 date=1225241824]
    aghaby everyone!

    So, i know that hugging guys is not very "mohtaram" rite?  It is more appropiate for a girl to not do that.  i dont think it is a sin.  bUt it is what is best.  However, just today in school, i was telling my friend?(girl) goodbye and i hugged her,  OKay?  she is coptic egy too..So, my  guy friend hoo is actually shorter than me was standing there and he was like : I dont get a hug? ANd i looked at him really embarrassed, i didnt know what to say...My friend realized this and she was liek coptic girls dont really hug boys.  So, he was like okay? and tehn i said bye and we left.  ANd tehn i was liek i still love you guys.  SO in this position i felt bad, simply because I am not used to hugging guy friends only family.  Rite! so, i felt really bad.  I didnt know what to do.what do u think i should have done?  I mean one reason i wouldnt have hugged a guy is because ppl will always judge u. they mite tell their parents and assume ur a bad girl.  even if it was a friendly hug. rite? Btw.  he was american.   A really nice kid, who is shorter than me haha l0l

    thankss for ur advice=))

    +mahraeel+


    I think Egyptians are so complicated.


    I CONCUR!
  • yes egyptians are complicated in everything! lol
  • lol

    thanks guyz

    rabena makhoom!!!

    +mahraeel+
  •               +++


      This is one out of the many list of problems that arise when u live in this world as a christian. Most Traditions and cultures are defined indirectly based on the moral laws that spring from the Church. Now these days Globalization is ripping off all that is built inside us and feeding us with the western, the so called modern, care-free, illusional freedom which is actually bondage of ur soul.
      I feel sorry for those who left their country in any reason and happen to be confused with the Americans and Europeans way of life. This is one simple example of hugging but there r a million issues that could make us worry even to spend one day in such a society.
      The world is filled with temptations and these countries specially have turned into a sea of lust of the flesh and worldy pleasures where u could not even have place and time to breath a peacful christian air.
      They suffocate u with the internet, tv shows, movies, college friends ... all r a 24-hrs serving temptation camps run by the devil. What u see, what u hear, what u think, slowly store into ur heart and will turn u into a monster of destructive thoughts, way against the whole Bible.
      Now with all these stuffs in ur heart; ur innocent, pure, childish nature will be destroyed. What I really suggest is as a christian live as a christian. Keep ur heart as much as possible from the slightest temptation of lust. You r no angel or a saint not to stumble. It is always better not to hug than hug, just as it is always better to be alone than with someone.
      As a christian u r not living to please ppl but to please God. Do everything for the sake of keeping ur soul pure and that soul belongs to God. Forget ur reputation. God does not judge u by collecting comments from ur neighbors. Infact when others talk good of u they r burning ur good deeds like a fire with their tongue. Do everything for God's sake. You do not hug b/c ur weakness might stumble u or the other person. This stumbling has nothing to do with ur reputation. You get and seek ur reward from God, not from ur parents, ur neighbors or ur colleagues, school mates. You keep ur heart and body holy for God.
     

      May God be with us with His holiest mother, holy angels, saints in mercy and love. Amen!
       
  • thanks binC

    +mahraeel+
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