Lonely Issues

Hi everyone.
I am going through a rough period of loneliness right now.  I never really had many friends for most of my life (I'm 19) so I am used to the feeling of being alone and I didn't really mind it but I feel really distressed right now. I had 2 really close friends but a few years ago, they broke off together away from me. Now, I got really close to one of them again but I feel like he is  too busy to be my friend. I am a college freshman and he is a high school senior. He has many friends and I have none. I try to talk to him about things that I'm going through and he doesn't really listen. I try to hang out with him  but he makes up excuses every week. I got so used to be alone and then I tasted friendship and now I want it. How do I stop being lonely? I know that I am never alone with God but I have been praying and crying every single night for the past week asking Him to take away that feeling from me but I still feel it every minute of my day.  I love God but I need someone to speak to when I'm bored, someone to get advice from that is not Abouna. I am socially awkward and I am probably a bad friend but I don't know how to fix these. I appreciate your help.

Comments

  • Ill give you some simple advice and you have already said it too.

    In order to have friends you need to be a good friend.

    Listen to people, be there for them, call them when they don't call (Don't call them to ask for favors call them to see how they are). Be light burdened, hug them when they are sad, do fun actives together etc.

    Good luck!
  • I agree with pharaoh714. You also have to be a good friend and listen to them. You can't just overwhelm them or lay all your problems on them and expect a good answer like that. You also can't expect someone to have the same schedule as you at all times. Off course it's not ur fault. We all go through the same thing at some point. Maybe you need to find an activity or a sport. Sometimes what you need is just a breath of fresh air. I mean friends are great but sometimes you have to have moments for yourself. You said that u pray and cry to him everyday. You understand how much that means to him. Those two friends maybe went away cause God knew they wouldn't get u closer to him. He just wants you to talk him more. Maybe he wants to realize that every person is come and go and he's the only one who's going to stay. Don't be e afraid to talk to people. They're only people just like you. Everybody has problems and no one is perfect. If they judge you then God will judge them. But also no that when you truly have God in your heart . You will never be bored or lonely. God is always quick to answer. Hear are some great verse that might help you

    1. Fear not,  for I  am  with you; Be not dismayed, for I  am  your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10)

    2.For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the  Lord , thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 )

    3.casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (I Peter 5:7 )

    I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. God bless :)
  • so are u in your first year in college?
    i still remember my first year (long time ago now!)

    the first 2 terms (autumn till easter) were fine as i was so excited at living apart from my family and having freedom and a bicycle to go everywhere, just the last term (easter till mid summer) was harder.
    one day, i just sat in my room crying, i was so lonely. i missed my family and did not feel like i had any real friends. i did actually have friends, but i had not got to know them very well.
    then i decided that if i find it hard to socialise, i can't spend my whole life waiting for other people to show me how to do it; i had to actively learn how to interpret body language and when to stop talking (my main problem, ha!), i mean how to tell other people are getting bored (looking away and yawning are good clues!) so that i don't bore all the people i meet.

    it is different for each person, but you can learn to be more sociable, it doesn't necessarily come naturally, you can read books on it, and read stuff on the internet too about body language.
    go to lots of events, student events, church events and you will eventually meet more people. it takes a lot of time to get to know people so be patient, and don't expect them to be perfect friends.
    (they haven't read the good advice above on how to be good friends!)

    many years after that hard time i had, i have so many friends i literally can't keep up with them all! 2 of my best friends now are people i met in university (college); one in the first year and one in the second year. i have seen them get married and now their kids are growing up. but neither of them was like a 'best friend' straight away, it took time to get to know them well.

    pray and God will help you to learn. take time to pray and read the Bible and learn God's love. He is the best friend you will ever have and will never ever leave you.
    may God bless you and give u peace.
  • [quote author=athanasius piapostolikos link=topic=14292.msg163531#msg163531 date=1361834929]
    Hi everyone.
    I am going through a rough period of loneliness right now.  I never really had many friends for most of my life (I'm 19) so I am used to the feeling of being alone and I didn't really mind it but I feel really distressed right now. I had 2 really close friends but a few years ago, they broke off together away from me. Now, I got really close to one of them again but I feel like he is  too busy to be my friend. I am a college freshman and he is a high school senior. He has many friends and I have none. I try to talk to him about things that I'm going through and he doesn't really listen. I try to hang out with him  but he makes up excuses every week. I got so used to be alone and then I tasted friendship and now I want it. How do I stop being lonely? I know that I am never alone with God but I have been praying and crying every single night for the past week asking Him to take away that feeling from me but I still feel it every minute of my day.  I love God but I need someone to speak to when I'm bored, someone to get advice from that is not Abouna. I am socially awkward and I am probably a bad friend but I don't know how to fix these. I appreciate your help.


    I know there will be many Coptic Christians here who will disagree with me on this, but I would suggest wholeheartedly that you seek Christian fellowship, rather than friends.

    I do not think there is anything wrong with having this fellowship outside of the Coptic Church.

    In the Coptic Orthodox Culture, especially outside of Egypt, we do not tend to have Christian fellowship - I mean, what unites me to Copts in my Church is Egypt, not Christ for most of the time.

    I know its different from us, and perhaps their ways are not our ways, but we are not in Egypt - we need Christian fellowship. Im NOT suggesting you become protestant or Catholic, on the contrary, you should stick to your orthodox faith, but having Christian friends who you pray with on a daily basis is good - whether they are protestant or Catholic, or even from different orthodox denominations.
  • The main thing is to seek Christian fellowship. What if you met someone who liked you, and became your friend, but he/she was a drug addict? What good would that friendship be? or if they were a bad influence on you?

    You'd not only find yourself alone again, but you'd be alone and ruined.

    I would really focus on Christian fellowship - as being a Christian is what defines us (at least in this forum).

    There aren't many Orthodox people where I live/work; and I'm sure its the same where you are. There is NO problem having devout protestant friends and Catholic friends.

    Look, do you worship statues or paintings? do you worship St Mary? Do you Worship Saints? NO. You do not. so its cool. If you only seek Orthodox Christian fellowship, although this is very good, you may spend a long long time waiting being alone whilst you find the right Orthodox group.

    Secondly, what is stopping u from evangelising your Orthodox faith? You can meet other good Christians who will be respectful about your denomination, and you should take the opportunity of at least explaining and expressing your faith so they understand better your Church.

    The orthodox church has unwittingly isolated itself from everyone. Its not completely true that there is ONE Orthodox Church. There are several: there are Chalcedonian and Non-Chalcedonian Churches. We are Non Chalcedon.

    Despite us being MIAPHYSITE, the Chalcedonian churches still regard us as being MONOPHYSITE and living in heresy. NO MATTER what u tell them, no matter how much u tell them that we are MIAphysite, they still think we are monophysite. They think our miaphysiteness is too mono for them.

    They will treat u as an outcast.

    There are some traditionalist catholics who will also treat u as an outcast / heretic - because basically, u are not under St Peter, and hence , you are "protesting" against the "true" Church of God.

    It would be awful to be in search of Christian fellowship to only find yourself more isolated and victimized by people's bigotry.

    Its an awful situation to be in. The Coptic ORthodox Church has to realize that we are not just a body that has to keep the faith, we have to keep ourselves also. My duty in life is not to defend Orthodoxy - its to live in holiness, and I do this through the Orthodox Church. The problem being that there is NO LIFE to even live as an Orthodox outside Egypt.

    We are stuck in a country that is not ours, we use a language we do not understand and we hold on to it for dear life (by the skin of our teeth), and we are so isolated from other Orthodox Churches by language and culture, AND Theological differences, that being Coptic means you will end up being a hermit.

    Do you wish to be a hermit?

    Being Coptic is the best way to find yourself alone. 
  • Dear Zoxasi,

    I think you ought to be careful because some people may take your message the wrong way.

    If you live in places like New Jersey, or Toronto, or Los Angeles, or Sydney, being Coptic far from makes you a hermit.
  • [quote author=qawe link=topic=14292.msg163576#msg163576 date=1362032291]
    Dear Zoxasi,

    I think you ought to be careful because some people may take your message the wrong way.

    If you live in places like New Jersey, or Toronto, or Los Angeles, or Sydney, being Coptic far from makes you a hermit.

    Dear Qawe,

    I think my English is above average, and I expressed my feelings clear and simple.
    Any person who is a devout Coptic Christian, living outside of Egypt, will most likely live in isolation - both spiritual isolation and social isolation.

    Spiritual Isolation because the Coptic church has unwittingly isolated herself from all other NON OO Churches and the RC.
    Social Isolation because if you seek fellowship (Spiritual companionship) in the Coptic Church, you will face many obstacles if your Church is outside of Egypt:
    -> You will find that unless you speak ARabic, and love Egypt, it will be hard to make friends, understand the liturgy, understand the elder generation(s) etc.
    -> You will find yourself judged by 2 cultures - that of Egypt, and that of the country where you live.

    The OP's post is not just an isolated case - its a typical case.
  • Dear Zoxasi,

    Your English is more than above average.  I understand that you are saying that IF there is no true OO fellowship, then the only place you have to go is other true Christian friends. 

    However, others may interpret this as: even if you have the (rare) opportunity to have spiritual OO friends, you should only have 'Christian' as your guiding criterion.  Of course, I disagree with this, as there is real added value in having friends from the SAME communion, with the SAME fasts and the SAME faith.

    What I am trying to say is, in order of value:
    1. Spiritual OO Friends
    2. Spiritual EO friends
    3. Spiritual Catholic friends
    4. Spiritual Protestant friends

    My point is, how do you know that the OP's case is for the reason you are describing?  It could simply be that he needs to work on his people skills (or something else).

    I suspect you are transposing your own experiences in UK/Europe, where true OO fellowship is hard to come by (the churches are more ethnocentric), onto his own experiences, which may be in US/Canada.

    PPFM.

    In Christ,
    qawe
  • [quote author=qawe link=topic=14292.msg163578#msg163578 date=1362042791]
    Dear Zoxasi,

    Your English is more than above average.  I understand that you are saying that IF there is no true OO fellowship, then the only place you have to go is other true Christian friends. 

    However, others may interpret this as: even if you have the (rare) opportunity to have spiritual OO friends, you should only have 'Christian' as your guiding criterion.  Of course, I disagree with this, as there is real added value in having friends from the SAME communion, with the SAME fasts and the SAME faith.

    What I am trying to say is, in order of value:
    1. Spiritual OO Friends
    2. Spiritual EO friends
    3. Spiritual Catholic friends
    4. Spiritual Protestant friends

    My point is, how do you know that the OP's case is for the reason you are describing?  It could simply be that he needs to work on his people skills (or something else).

    I suspect you are transposing your own experiences in UK/Europe, where true OO fellowship is hard to come by (the churches are more ethnocentric), onto his own experiences, which may be in US/Canada.

    PPFM.

    In Christ,
    qawe


    Hi Qawe,

    I'm not really transposing my feelings in this or my own experiences. And believe me, our problems are not just isolated to the Coptic Orthodox Community. It tends to apply to most Orthodox Churches. However, I think we have it pretty bad.

    Are we isolated? Yes or No?
    yes. we are. Its a fact. We are isolated spiritually from other denominations, and isolated culturally from the countries we live in. We are isolated culturally because we unwittingly tend to find ourselves, by going to church, surrounded by many Egyptians and a Church who is teaches to not mix with other denominations.
    What happens is that unless your church is active, you will be isolated.

    Catholics are not isolated - simply due to their sheer numbers, they can enjoy great fellowships in ANY part of the world. A French Catholic Christian living in Spain, who speaks Spanish, will easily mix with Spanish Catholics. What unites the French Catholic with his Spanish Catholic brothers and sisters is NOT France, is NOT spain, but it is their Catholic faith.

    What unites me with any Coptic Orthodox Christian OUTSIDE of Egypt - is it my Coptic faith? or is it Egypt?

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