I have a full blown psychosis which seems untreatable

edited January 2013 in Personal Issues
when I am studying at university I feel people are coughing in disgust of me. If they see me go on facebook or have a time out they cough they want me to focus on their conversations if it is time for study for me they cough if I have bad thoughts about them being noisy. I sometimes want to close my eyes and walk through them so I do not see them cough or hear them cough
I think they don't want me to be proud that I am getting work done. When they see me serious they cough. Yet I know studying at uni is much more effective than at home

I feel the same thing in church

antipsychotics harm my body and brain

this leads to me having extreme problems focusing.

I think this is happening to me because I am not calm from spiritual warfare because of my many sins but to everyone in the world this is foolishness

This is the major problem of me focusing now.

I know I am a bit of a wuss and have to take blame for things but it is becoming a heavy burden



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Comments

  • Dear Mike,

    From your posts I can clearly tell you are a very kind, humble and spiritual person; this I can not relate to. However, I would like to point out a short, yet beautiful verse which the Lord Himself has said:

    "Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

    Thank the Lord that we have such an understanding and comforting God, One who truly sent His Only begotten Son for our salvation. Remember, the Lord is always with you, and does not give ou temptations you cannot bear, ask Christ for strength and rightousness and surely He will grant it to you.

    Please pray for me.


  • Hi Mike    I will always be with you as God is also with you.

      I will be trying to help you in my limited capacity and God is your greatest help.

      I'm sorry I cannot quote the church fathers as they are far better pyschologists they any we have today.

      God bless.
  • Mikeforjesus,

    Why do I sense that you don't like yourself? Self hatred can be self destroying. Learn to love yourself. It is quite offending for God if you look down on yourself when God priced you with Jesus' blood.

    We all have so much potential, we just deny it and refuse to aim high to achieve our potential (with God's help)

    If you can't love yourself, how do you expect others to do so?
  •   Jesus Christ is the truth Mike.

      John 14:6  Jesus said,"I am the way, the truth, and the life.

      When we engage with His life, His word, we come to His truth. This truth becomes in our soul. We do not follow the thoughts of those who aren't from our church or don't follow Christ. He knows us, that is why.

      John 2:24-25  But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men,
                            and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.



        At the moment I think you have become dis-engaged from parts of your enviroment. Since Jesus is life, then engage in life through Him. However, I think because you are dis-engaged from the people, then you may be using His word to counteract them. This is like they are hurting you and Jesus is fighting them for you, but you are doing nothing but watching some war. This is also been dis-engaged.

      We have to take ownership of a problem. Not to make the problems of others effect us. This is engaging in our own problems and fixing them by God's word. We are healed from the sin and less seperated from Him at the same time, and have an enviroment inside ourselves as well. Our soul in which God and you have His truth.   

      I will come back later.          God bless.
                           

     
  • Dear Joshua I do not want to force you to reply to all my posts or you may have the same problem as me feeling the need to always fulfill an obligation or else people have noone. This can lead to car accidents for me

    Thankyou for the kindness to all who replied it is much appreciated

  •   It is because I love you as a brother and I would do anything to help you.

      I will pray for you.
     
       

     

     
  • thankyou joshua
  • very good posts here.
    please also keep taking the meds.
    if your brain feels like it has slowed down, it is not a bad thing because now it is like a car doing 200mph on the freeway. it is going too fast.
    when you slow down from 200mph to 70mph it feels very slow, but actually this is quite fast enough.
    you will get more done with a 'slowed down' brain because you won't be bothered with so many psychotic thoughts rushing around your brian and causing distraction.

    may God guide you and give you peace.

  •   Dear Joshua I do not want to force you to reply to all my posts or you may have the same problem as me feeling the need to always fulfill an obligation or else people have noone. This can lead to car accidents for me.

      I don't have the same problem as in illness but the problem of having a very busy life. Probably too busy. This prevents me from being myself at times because been too busy weakens me. But I always get strong. As far as I am concerned the strong help the weak.

    Romans 15:1  We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

      What has made me strong is that I am adopted; born in rejection, and that God gave me the best parents who brought me up with everything I needed for life. My father was a very intelligent man and my mother as my father said had a heart of gold.

      One of the things that I leant in how to deal with life was when I read the words, "Do this in rememberance of Me." It was a commandment that said everything. It was about memorising. It was telling me to do something that as a child I was doing in my life; in school; and in what adults were expecting me to do.

      Memory was so important. It is what the greeks used in a spiritual sense. Books like Homers' Odyssey, which is a long poem, were memorised before they were ever written. They had ways of memorising.
      They were the inventors of how to have an arguement, in the sense of debate, not the emotional dispute. They even had different styles of arguement.
      Saint Paul went to Greece and argued against the best arguers in the world and won, changing them to the truth that is in Jesus Christ.

      Memeory is the weapon I think you need to overcome your problem.

      Pope Shenouda 3rd said, "when we repeatly sin, we go back to the beginning." To go back to the beginning takes memory, it goes back to to the time where we were before we sinned. If you remember that then you can work out where or what happened and what went wrong. Repent it, accept it, and then correct it.

      God bless you Mike.
     
       


  • Find and exorcist 'mike' seriously!
  • I have had the unction of the sick many times and with faith but it never healed me but I think I need to follow a doctor because God works through a doctor there is a new antipsychotic which should help

  •   You often come up very good verses of the bible Mike. How about if you choose one and do your absolute best to meditate on it for a whole week? You can give it to us and we could give our thoughts or our church Fathers meditations as a starting point for you?

      Meditation is about focasing, so the best time to do it would be after you have taken your medicine. Then, if you can increase your ability to focas, try to decrease your reliance on the medicine.
     
        Your ability to focas is most important to you.   

     
  • yes I should meditate more often but even when I used to read the bible so many hours I still believed people were coughing or running away from me but I felt more forgiving and humble

  • [quote author=Purity2 link=topic=14167.msg163079#msg163079 date=1359642712]
    Find and exorcist 'mike' seriously!



    you want to deal with my problem by saying I have a demon? and what if I do not? are you excused for treating me with contempt and arrogance or much more accurate merciless arrogance in denying God's love for the poor? surely karma will hit you on your face according to Jesus' words "give and it will be given to you"
    look please don't give advice to people that you will ignore in real life

  • Forgive Purity2 please Mike firstly. 

      One of the symptoms of psychosis is paranoia. Because you are unable to focas you aren't able to 
      determine how deeply whose around you truely feel. The lack of focas makes things suspicious. You 
      react to what is suspicious. If you can concentrate on focasing you will be able to be consciously help
      yourself to be deeper. God is the truth. If this is so, then you have your focal point. Truth is a fight
      against paranoia.
  • that is right I think I need to get used to focusing

  •   So give us a verse and I hope others here will give their thoughts and this will be your verse for the 
      whole week to concentrate on. See where we go.
  • I wasn't being rude. I am very serious about this. People have really lost their way! Don't we have a Christian history of people being tormented by the Devil. Didn't Christ Himself exorcise many demons from many people. Read the Holy Bible! This was a great part of His ministry.

    Please, please; get real people! Even our daily Scripture a few days ago was about the temple of the body being cleansed of demons and then the demons returned to the now cleaned temple with worse demons than the original! Don't let that be your reward! We are in a serious warfare. I need all my brothers and sisters alert and ready for this spiritual battle.....and drugs ain't gonna do it! Legal or otherwise. God is the answer In Christ Jesus our Lord! Holy Trinity have mercy on us!!!
    If you truly love your brother take him to a holy person who can lay hands on him and expel the demons that torment him! I would hope someone would do that for me! Don't give me drugs....I know how worthless they are in the long run, just a band-aid not a cure like God.
    I mean no offense. I speak the truth

    Boy oh boy Saint Anthony the father of monasticism was right. People become so 'intellectual' they try and disprove God! It becomes all about the school books, and the Holy Book is forgotten  :'( :-\ :'(

  •   I didn't think you were being rude Purity2. I have seen exorcism done. An ethiopian friend whom I just visited today, recieved it by a bishop. He looked like he was in a trance up until the bishop did it. Now he's just great and even God father to one of my sons. His father is sick and that is why we visited them. I gave his father a bottle of Holy oil.

      But mikeforJesus has said that he tried the uction of the sick and there wasn't improvement. When people speak, they speak in confession. It doesn't matter if it's cars or whatever, they are confessing rightly or wrongly, weakly or strongly, what is in their heart.
      If mike reads the bible, then he will still be lost because it has so many directions of soul and spirit, morals and soforth.
        When abouna gives us a sermon on Sunday, it is to cleanse us, and we are to keep it for the week. The family is supposed understand the message and it is to be part of our lives.

      Mike has confessed to us his sickness and has said what is going on. Would it be a good idea if he gave a verse of his own choosing that we could help him focas on. The verse is the word that would fight the devil and not have the devil scatter it. The devil knows we can't serve two masters, so he knows about deviding and scattering.
      Is there to be no effort for mike to keep God's word in his heart? It is expected of us for a week but we can't do it for Mike? I'd like to try.
  • Mental health is not always related with demons as physical health is not always related with demons. People forget that Christ casted out demons from the maim, deaf & blind but only focus on those with mental health problem. Do we go around telling a blind man from birth that he is demon possessed? Even Saint Paul had a thorn in his flesh, which most interpret as a physical pain to make him humble. Was St. Paul demon possessed?

    Unless the Church can guarantee healing to every alinement we shouldn’t promise what we can’t deliver. May be God has give some people certain illnesses  to carry as their cross that they may gain their salivation through patience & suffering. We know that Tamva Irini & Pope Shenouda suffered a lot before their departure - why didn’t God healed them? Why did they go to the doctor? Let people pray & go to the doctor - God will act in whatever way he choose.

    I read the following article about mental health problems in the Coptic Church. It shows a balanced and not extremist approach to such a complex issue:

    Coptic Church Finds Growing Need For Mental Health Services In Community:
    http://www.neontommy.com/news/2011/03/church-recognizes-growing-need-mental-health-services-coptic-community


    P.S. I hope I didn’t lash out without understanding the issues presented here; if so please forgive me.


    In Christ
    Theophilus

  •   I don't think you have lashed out Theophilus 1.  I for one feel mike should not stop his medication. But the church has a share in mike's well-being and that being what is in his soul. I think mike accepts the role of both psychology and church as his remedy. That is why I suggested to him, after he has taken his medication to meditate on the Word.

      I have thought of a way that mike may try.    And Mike, even us trying to get you focased has began with divisions. Forgive us and remain with your verse. 

     
  • Theophilus 1  please do not interpret the Scriptures to suit yourself. The Scriptures differentiate between healing diseases and casting out demons it is not the same.
    Yes we all carry demons thats why we need to stay in constant prayer to keep them at bay. Thats why we feel tempted to do wrong at times. Its human. It is a part of what, who we are.
    Pope Shenouda III (God repose his soul) was an elderly man. Our bodies age and give out on us. This is also a natural part of human life.

    So are you saying that it is extremist for me to suggest prayer and finding a holy healer for 'mike' rather than numbing his mind with drugs??

    God will act when we pray the right prayer
  • Dear Purity,

    I have a long way to go in learning how to interpret the scriptures. So, your rebuke is an oil on my head and I hope you will overlook my ignorance.

    I agree with you totally that prayer is our foremost weapon to any challenge we face. Also, isn’t our current status ultimately the result of sin & the sway of the evil one? These facts are clear & cannot be disputed. Our healer is Christ & our tool is prayer.

    When we come to mental health issues (or any problem in life for that matter) one should pray a lot & seek the prayer of holy men. But just as a farmer doesn’t only pray for good harvest but also goes out to his field I don’t think it betrays faith in God to go to a doctor. Their are patients that are very disturbed and violent that need prescription drugs before they calm down and are able to participate in prayer & counseling. Of course, I am against using drugs liberally without any thought.

    But all the drugs in the pharmacy and all the wisdom of a physician can not heal a man. It is ultimately God who heals us in whatever medium he choose. We have to be patient & always pray to Him that His will be done.


    In Christ
    Theophilus   
  •   It saddens me that love and empathy, (In that being so busy, I too have many distractions in my life and have the problem of not being focased) will have no place to help you Mike. I was hoping that I had being humble enough to listen to you, and be with you in my heart, as I had thought about you ever since I posted my responce to your plea for help.
        Even though the uction of the sick did not work for you. You will be in my prayers on the alter today.
      I will withdraw from posting.

      God bless you and may the intercessions of Saint Mary and all the Saints be with you my loving brother
      Mike in our Lord Jesus Christ.



  • I feel I am committing sin if I feel I can help someone and I purposely don't. So I will stick with it.

        I feel the need to obey Christ's commandment to love my brother as myself. Even though loving God with all my might is perfectly true. It does not negait the second commandment.

      I forgive you Purity2 and Theopilius, but both of your solutions are about loving God with all your might.

      My own thoughts were in line of the church in that we are the bride of Christ and as such, to be delivered to Christ in purity and the way we do it was by the Gospel cleasing us each week by abouna.
     

       
  • It may take many unctions of the sick before healing is complete. We need to stop thinking of Gods Ways as extreme and what; means ways are safe?
    Do u think those brothers who let their friend down through the roof of the house to lay in front of Jesus were playing it 'safe'?

  • It is not God's way that is extreme but men's ways. He says we will never faint or brake like the torn wedding garment (he fed the multitude). Jesus said all foods are lawful in the new testament so how can we force fasting 75% of the year and without it we go to hell?
    "one man thinks he can eat only vegetables and the other no let each be convinced in his own mind" "one man esteems one day above another and the other the same" the sabbath WAS MADE FOR MAN and not man for the sabbath.  Forsake not assembling of yourselves together is for those who need the church to stay spiritually alive it is written for those who need help not those who are well
    those who are well have no need of a physician but those who want to get better
    We are all sick and well at different times in a certain area and we need a boost in some areas

    Yes fasting and praying does cast out demons thats if thats what I have

    I am going to try to fast and pray and go to church often and leave my future in the hand of God but I will make sure I eat enough for my brain.  I know I have many compassionate people who will respect my beliefs as God is my witness and they will not harm me I hope or believe. But I am content with little and leave justice in the hand of God to those who get away with tearing others apart and condemning me. When I pray your will be done on earth God will do it in His time
    if being churchy makes me lose respect for those outside my faith it is the devils doctrines
    the other christians would like to condemn me to hell for not forsaking traditions of the church such as communion etc but they can't force me either when the time is right I am still asking God when He will make justice for the elect. When He will rebuke the tongue of the wicked which devours and speaks in the name of God ofcourse not denying orthodox in this positin also. Right now it seems that God is powerless but I will see that God sees and God can act in the right time and vindicate me

    now please tell me how your beliefs helped you Purity2. Are you able to do all things through Christ who strengthens you? are you able to achieve every dream you wish?
    without people's help?

    I am not going to allow myself to faint and fail but I will fast the church fasts. I will do the studies I have to do but within the realms of my tradition.
    I will suffer with the people of God because it is just. But God controls my future and I have learned to be full in every state also if that means I am single so be it
    no man loves me unconditionally as I believe my God does. God will see what the hypocrites and wolves are doing to me and one day He will repay me and avenge me.

    it seems foolish to obsess about pleasing men but I do think through Christ in the church I will be more equipped to have a heart close to God and good natured and therefore more equipped to be successful in my wordly endeavours if the people accept me to work for them

    it troubles me however that there is not many successful people within the walls of a denomination. But I will loook for the day when God takes away my sorrows

    it was to your advantage that you embrace the LORDs teachings but it seems I am going to see everyone of you in poverty

    God will make straight my path and give me peace as the psalmist says ease our paths
  • mikeforJesus my life is just getting better and better! It has been a long hard struggle, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel at last! And you and this forum have helped this epiphany, this.....enlightenment. So thank you. I'm crying mike, for real. All my dreams are being realized! Of course I still have to make the effort to get out there and strive, but that is the reward of life isn't it.
    But it really makes me sad to see my Coptic brothers and sisters suffering so  much; in Egypt etc.
    Please watch the sermon from last Sunday at St. Mark COC in New Jersey. It is on the Coptic Lectionary page, the Father has a powerful message!
    God can calm the seas of any storm. In Christ Jesus our Lord! Thanks Holy Spirit the Comforter and God bless u mike
  • [quote author=Theophilus 1 link=topic=14167.msg163101#msg163101 date=1359721711]
    Mental health is not always related with demons as physical health is not always related with demons. People forget that Christ casted out demons from the maim, deaf & blind but only focus on those with mental health problem. Do we go around telling a blind man from birth that he is demon possessed? Even Saint Paul had a thorn in his flesh, which most interpret as a physical pain to make him humble. Was St. Paul demon possessed?

    Unless the Church can guarantee healing to every alinement we shouldn’t promise what we can’t deliver. May be God has give some people certain illnesses  to carry as their cross that they may gain their salivation through patience & suffering. We know that Tamva Irini & Pope Shenouda suffered a lot before their departure - why didn’t God healed them? Why did they go to the doctor? Let people pray & go to the doctor - God will act in whatever way he choose.

    I read the following article about mental health problems in the Coptic Church. It shows a balanced and not extremist approach to such a complex issue:

    Coptic Church Finds Growing Need For Mental Health Services In Community:
    http://www.neontommy.com/news/2011/03/church-recognizes-growing-need-mental-health-services-coptic-community


    P.S. I hope I didn’t lash out without understanding the issues presented here; if so please forgive me.


    In Christ
    Theophilus


    Theophilus,
    I love your signature icon. Everytime I see it, I expect great wisdom. Is this the persecuted HH Antonios?

    I have a little different focus now. I hope that I am reinforcing Purity2's faith and wisdom. But I'm not at all able to add to her spiritual insight. It saddened me to download the link you provided. It is another sign of the overwhelming shift in all Western "christian" churches into a secular Freudian philosophy of "counselling." I know that this modern "scientific" fad now seems to also have been taken "hook, line and sinker" by all U.S. Coptic Bishops, too many other Coptic Bishops, and all but a few, "seasoned" priests. It's prominence is witnessed by the seemingly rapidly increasing rate of family and children destroying civil divorces by young Coptic wives. Of course, the Left Coast Diocese still seems to be well ahead of the other Coptic jurisdictions in its "hands off/never mentioned/psychological" response to this God hated family/children/church poisoning practice. Why does the Christian Orthodox spiritual tradition of the ancient Coptic Church now need atheism based Freudian trained "counsellors," priests and bishops? Whenever I notice that this miserably failed alternative to highly successful Christian Orthodox traditional spiritual scriptural teaching and life "counseling" is being proposed in our Coptic Church, I try to suggest an easy way to look at the Freudian Counseling/Therapy Industry's  own propaganda/history documentary. I don't know of a more thorough resource than this BBC award winning documentary video: The Century of the Self. The whole story, from Freud himself, on to his imaginative disciples and alternatives, and through to the "genius" of Tony Blair and Bill Clinton is well presented here.

    I also agree with Purity2's suggestion that many more than one anointing of the sick, prayers, fasts, repentances, intercessions, etc. should be sought for every need. Purity2's suggestion of Abouna Abraam's sermon on the The Man Born Blind is also a classic Coptic only (I think) "correct teaching." It is right here on Tasbeha, at Media/Live Broadcasts/Watch our YouTube channel. Why did Abouna criticize me?

    Please pray for me.           

  •   I found a verse you maybe able to meditate on.

    Here it is:        Psalm 51:4      Against You, You only have I sinned,
                                                    And done this evil in Your sight-
                                                    That You may be found just when You speak,
                                                    And blameless when You judge.

          How good it is that we can feel we are sinning against God and not worry so much that we sin
          against our fellow man or that he sins against us, but that we look for the remission of the sin
          because of God's love for us and being drawn by our love for Him.

        Maybe if you are able to meditate on this verse that your enermy will have less hold on you as the
        fears he invokes will not be as strong as the love you and God hold by your righteous acts.
                                                 
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