Posting because I have nowhere else to go, I'm sorry.
Coptic male in his 20s, nearly graduated college. All through college I've felt alone and isolated - not socially, I have made friendships that I'm sure will last a lifetime. No, I've felt isolated because of the way our culture is about dating and relationships.
What's made it even more difficult is that there is no one I can talk to about this. I barely see my father of confession, my spiritual life is in tatters. I'm an ordained deacon, but perform my duties in a perfunctory way. I come from a small church - there are no females my age who are Coptic I can even associate with.
It's so difficult. So so painful. For years I've seen so many people around me have relationships, fall in love, break up, get married, the whole spectrum. And I'm stuck, I feel like there is a chain tied around my neck that extends into the sky, with God holding me back. I've met so many great girls I've developed feelings for and not once, not ever have I been able to tell them, to express this. Because the moment I want to, I feel like my body is trapped in this cruel box of rules and regulations, in which a potential partner must be Orthodox and most likely culturally Egyptian for me to even bother. I think to myself, hell what's the point? If I tell her how I feel, I know I can't have a future.
I'm so angry, I'm so frustrated, I can't talk to anyone. I feel deeply angry at God, which I know sounds ludicrous to you, because it certainly does to me. But right now, I feel like God is torturing me. I'm in a pressure-cooker. I've endured and endured like this for so long, burying feelings, pushing people away, not being able to be honest with anyone and what have I gained? What have I reaped? Nothing but anguish.
What sort of religion is this? Is this what God wants, for me to be alone and miserable always? When will it end?