Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

I AM A MEAN PERSON.
  • Hi everyone. So lately, I have been distraught because I've been discovering new things about myself daily. For example, I've recently discovered just how horrible of a person I really am. Within the last few weeks, I have been told that I'm a really mean person, that I'm arrogant, I've also been ignoring people a lot and have become unresponsive. I've hit an all time spiritual low to a point where I just don't care about anything. The thing that really bothers me is that I put up this front that I want to help people or that I'm helpful and nice but I feel like it's completely fake. I'm also psychotic and I cry almost every day.

    I've gotten rejected a couple times recently on the basis of my size and height (super small and short), these guys made some really hurtful sexual remarks about it too. More recently, I have been told repeatedly that I look like I'm 12...I'm 23... To many people, it's petty and I've been told to "get over it"...truth is, those people are already in a relationship so they don't know how incredibly lonely it is and they're not as small/short as I am, so they don't know how much it hurts. It's really starting to get to me and it's making me feel even worse about myself.

    In addition to discovering awful things about myself, I have been discovering things about people I really care about that have been disappointing to me. On that note, I feel like part of the reason I'm becoming a horrible person is because I feel like I try to do a lot for people and I always try to think of others' needs but no one even has a thought about me. For example, a friend of mine needed to go to the hospital and I stayed with that person all night until they were treated and discharged from there. Then I had to go to the hospital a few times and get a few tests done at the doctor's and no one went with me.

    Sometimes I feel arrogant and petty that I want someone to care about me enough to even know that I exist or that I have needs...sometimes I just feel like I'm not fit to live...like everything I do in my life has no purpose or is completely useless. I've been feeling really empty. I always think about the choice between living and dying and I almost always choose dying on a daily basis, my desire to die is stronger than my will to live...I guess I just don't have the guts to finish it off tho.

    I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all this. I guess my shrink hasn't been available for the last few months and I've been completely and thoroughly ignored so I needed to vent...pray for me please :'(
  • I just want to say that I think you are a good person and that many people care about you (especially on this forum). More importantly, as your name indicates, God loves you and He cares for you so much more than anyone else in this world.

    Secondly, we all put up fronts in some ways and make mistakes...but that does not necessarily mean we are bad people. I can see that you are someone who does genuinely care about others but because of a lack of attention and care, you seem to have "ran out of steam." This is understandable and I can see where you are coming from. I just want you to continue being the wonderful person you are by doing what you think is right in God's eyes.

    Forget about those stupid comments that people make regarding your stature and appearance; their opinions do not matter and it is up to you to not let these evil comments bother you. God made you as a beautiful daughter in His image and likeness and if anyone thinks otherwise, than it is from Satan.

    Loneliness is something we can all relate to, just remember that God needs to become the center of your life again. Continue to work on your spiritual life through prayer and bible reading so that You can develop a good relationship with Him because He is the only one able to carry your burden and pain, just remember to rely on Him for strength and no one else. I remember hearing someone tell me "do not tell your God how great your problems are, tell your problems how great your God is."

    There are some nice sermons here: www.orthodoxsermons.org
    I recommend typing a key word about what you are going through and listening to a sermon

    May God bless you and give you wisdom to continue growing in Him. I will pray for you!

    Tony
  • Dear Godlovesme,

    Believe me, you're not alone. Take it from another young single Copt in their early twenties (albeit a male) studying at university, I have felt a lot of the things you describe. Feelings of stress, isolation, intense loneliness. Feeling that you can't relate to the people around you. Wanting to fit in and be a part of "their world" when we are taught that we are not of this world. Struggling every day to present the image of Christ that you are to your peers while also having their love and friendship. You're not alone.

    And I can categorically promise you that the biggest leap I have made, the most important decision I took that has made life not only easier, but full of joy and purpose was spending more time on my spiritual life. Believe me, I'm no saint. But praying from the Agpeya and reading the Bible really do work. Casting all your cares and worries on Him. Feeling His blessing in your daily life. It's real, it's immense and it's easy to obtain.

    God bless you, we're praying for you.
  • Hi, I am female and similar age to you

    Firstly, people who made sexual remarks to you have no integrity and I am actually pleased you are not with any of them as that's rude and should have been a sign for you to automatically reject them.

    Loneliness is very painful and I suffer with it everyday, but don't settle, don't compromise and just be with someone because it is hard being alone. There are times when I feel this and I have to tell myself to bear it a little longer.

    You are not bad or selfish for wanting someone to care. It is human nature to want to love and be loved. I actually don't understand as the same happens to me and I don't know why I care for my friends when they are never there when I really need them. It just means they are not real friends. It is really difficult for me to make friends and I have never had close friends.

    P.s. I'd be flattered when people tell me I look younger so (in my opinion) I don't think you should take it as an insult. I also happen to wish I was petite as I feel like a giant. When you put things into perspective, you will realise that you are good just the way you are. And people who try to make inappropriate comments about how you look are either a) want to make you feel insecure about yourself so that they feel better or b) have not been raised to behave like real gentlemen.
  • [quote author=Amoussa01 link=topic=14733.msg166586#msg166586 date=1385457189]

    Forget about those stupid comments that people make regarding your stature and appearance; their opinions do not matter and it is up to you to not let these evil comments bother you. God made you as a beautiful daughter in His image and likeness and if anyone thinks otherwise, than it is from Satan.

    Continue to work on your spiritual life through prayer and bible reading so that You can develop a good relationship with Him because He is the only one able to carry your burden and pain, just remember to rely on Him for strength and no one else. I remember hearing someone tell me "do not tell your God how great your problems are, tell your problems how great your God is."

    [/quote]

    I really like this word of advice. It's so true, and I believe that if our focus is on God, then we won't care about other opinions.
    This post is especially powerful.
    Thank you for posting it.
  • Thanks for the kind words guys. Apparently God listened to my prayers and everyone who was praying for me and someone actually payed attention to me for once thank God :)

    Amoussa01,

    Thank you. I know I shouldn't worry about comments and I ignored them for a long time but sometimes it's hard to ignore especially when they're constant at times.

    [quote author=Amoussa01 link=topic=14733.msg166586#msg166586 date=1385457189]
    Loneliness is something we can all relate to, just remember that God needs to become the center of your life again. Continue to work on your spiritual life through prayer and bible reading so that You can develop a good relationship with Him because He is the only one able to carry your burden and pain, just remember to rely on Him for strength and no one else. I remember hearing someone tell me "do not tell your God how great your problems are, tell your problems how great your God is."
    </quote>

    Thank you for that advice and thank you for your prayers, I appreciate them a lot.

    JG,

    Thank you for your kind words. I certainly feel lonely but I wouldn't say I try to be a witness to Christ in my day to day living...far from that. I'm starting to feel a bit guilty because while I was so concerned with myself, I neglected a friend and now they are kinda going off in a downward spiral :(

    [quote author=JG link=topic=14733.msg166589#msg166589 date=1385472114]
    And I can categorically promise you that the biggest leap I have made, the most important decision I took that has made life not only easier, but full of joy and purpose was spending more time on my spiritual life. Believe me, I'm no saint. But praying from the Agpeya and reading the Bible really do work. Casting all your cares and worries on Him. Feeling His blessing in your daily life. It's real, it's immense and it's easy to obtain.
    [/quote]

    Thank you for that and thank you for praying for me.

    mnc_hnn,

    Thank you. I'm not one to settle, if I were desperate enough to settle, I could've done that with one of a few guys. My problem is that I look like I'm 12...there's a difference between looking young and looking like you're 12. For example, one guy my age said to me before, "I never talked to you before because I always assumed you're 12..." Nobody takes me seriously...it's depressing when you're an adult and everyone thinks you're a kid and treats you on that basis.

    Thanks tho and please pray for me.


Memorial for HH Pope Shenouda

Share |