++Please, guyss Help Me!++

edited December 2009 in Personal Issues
THIS STORy ( FIRST reply) is happend in januari, but I added something, and the problem now is at the bottom (last reply)

Hey everybody.
Maybe it’s a long story but I will try to make it short and clear. AND PLEASE READ IT ALL BECAUSE I NEED HEPLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am 16 years and live in Europe. I know a boy for about 2 years now, and he is illegal and came from Egypt.
Firstly we were only friends, but than it became differently.
He said first he saw me as his sister, but then he said he loves me and wanted to meet me.
I know it’s bad, but the situation now is different, so that I will tell afterwards.

I felt also  I love him, and we met regulary after schooltime in secret, my father doesn’t know about him. The first time I met him we only talks 3ady yani as friends.
But the times afterwards, he wanted to kiss me, and I did.
Al that time, we talk with each other every day in telephone, and meet eachother.
But sometimes I saw he is not clear to me, and I get confused.
He started to talk with me about he wanna  makes sx, he dind’t do I t before.
I refused, because I don’t wanna sin for God.
He first only jokes, but I saw he really want it.
This happened about  a half year (nos sana2).
Then, I felt it’s really bad and I felt sorry for God, and I really didn’t wanna sin.
And do something in dark and secret.
So I said to him: ‘’What we are doing know its bad. Al those things, kissing, and hug, and talk about bad things, do you think it’s from God or satan?’’ he laught a bit ( in telephone) and said, no it’s from satan. So I said ,okay, so t’s bad and I don’t wanna kiss, and that anymore. He said okay. And he said we wil be friends only.
I confessed everything to abouna.

On  7 january 2008 he wanted to met me, to say happy x mas) He lives nearly by the church) and I went to the church. So when he get from his work he said he is waiting me in the neighbourhood of church.(it’was about nos el lil, evening)
So I met him. And I saw he actually was scared to ask what he wanted from me, and he said he wanna kiss on mouth. I said ‘’no’’ he said: okay on ur cheek. I said ‘’ no’’ .
I get angry and went away and left him. Than a time after happens this, we talked again I telephone. But I made him clear I don’t wanna do that any mote( kiss , etc)
We met again, but when he again tries to kiss me I said no. and really try to make him clear it’s a sin.  Then he get sad. When we said bye to eachother, he said I will call you today. From that day (In February) I nothing heard from him everything 1 year, until 2 weeks ago.
It was really hard for me to forget everything. I couldn’t reach him by telephone, so I realised It's better to stop.
Than after a really long hard period, I get better with, school and spiritually life.
I went abouna again (another one) and said that I still miss him. He said it’s normal.
I dind’t see him in church, and then very sometimes he went to church.
A month ago (tagriban) My friend said, he saw him regulary in the church in mass, on wednsday and Monday ( I am at school at that time) and that he ‘so- called/would be’’
Really prayed, and sing in mass, and take holy communion. ( body and blood of Christ)
I first couldn’t believe, but I asked many times again, and she said it’s really true.
So I  was happy. I felt there’s was still hope that he returns go God, because that's what I want: that he felt sorry and return to God. In That time and the time I didn’t talk to him, I really prayed for him with fire and tears, that he will return, cause I love him (as a brother.) So I saw him again in the church and we had eyecontact.
I started to phone him ( but I was really doubt I will do it or not) and he was happy. He said he wanted to call (phone) me  min zaman, but he lost my number.
I from the beginning made him clear, I don’t want to return the sins, and the past is over. He said, he go to church. I  asked him: do u take communion , he said no, I have a sir that I can’t tell to anyone. I said him he has to confess. He said, okay later. He said he did the sin 1 year ago (sex) one time and the he really felt sorry. He said on that reason he didn't phone me because he is sad) I could see he meant it. So I all time  encourage him to pray, and go to mass, and confess and take communion. I get tired. He promised me he will do it, and yesterday he went to church, confessed and took communion.
So what I am wanna say is: I see he want return to God, but he’s weak. And I see him like a brother but he still loves me as his girlfriend and he can’t  stop calling me ( phoning) and love me.
I wanna help him to return and get better,   I really WANT IT, but I am afraid I will get weak again, and I really DON’T WANT RETURN FROM MY HEART TO THE SINS but I see he also want convert and I don’t wanna leave him and be afraid he will return again to sins, cause I  encourage him.
PLEASEEEE HELP MEEE , I amSO SORRY about The LOngggg storyyyyyy but I really NEED HELPPPP!!!!!

Pray for me, thank you.
+++

Comments

  • Bride of Jesus,

    First off, I think that you were wise to confront the mistake, and I really respect that, however you have to understand that love is a feeling thats nor good or bad, why are you embarrassed by this?? you keep saying you love him as a "brother", but I'm sure that inside you really share the same feelings as him.. THIS IS OK! Secondly, I'm really sorry you got yourself into this.. you shouldn't have been secretly hanging out with him to begin with.. especially at age 16! I know that you realize this now, but just for future reference, don't do anything you know your parents aren't going to agree with. Not telling your dad was a bad idea, and this was wrong. Before making any decisions ask yourself, will my parents approve of this? would GOD approve of this? BEFORE NOT AFTER. I see you realized your mistake after the hugging, kissing..etc. The Holy Spirit, inside you, was telling you that this is wrong, but you chose to ignore it and then it was too late. When your conscious tells you something.. LISTEN TO IT! This is the Holy Spirit!! God will never tell you that what you were doing is good.. obviously this is the devil! And now you've gotten yourself so into this relationship that you can't forget about all the times you've spent with this boy. This is why our church refuses relationships at early ages (unless it is approved by both parents and abouna), your still growing and your feelings will keep changing... believe it or not. It may seem, right now, that he is the only boy in your life and you will always love him, but guess what... not really! Next year you will lose interest and find someone else. And the year after will be someone else. This is supposed to happen! Teenagers aren't meant to like the same person forever... God didn't create us like this! I am really sorry to say this, and please forgive me, but this will make it hard for you to get married now. Once people (egyptians at church) find out about your "secret relationship", you will be putting yourself into a lesser chance of getting married. *Most* boys at church don't go after the girls that are very open like this. Girls (your age) should stay secure with themselves. If you want to hang out, make sure its with a GROUP of boys and girls. Nothing should be between a couple.. as you can see now, he wanted to rush the relationship, and I'm glad you turned this down... its not easy to say no to this when you love this person, and I'm glad you chose this decision... this is because you listened to the Holy Spirit!! Keep listening to the Holy Spirit, and see what it leads you into, surely not sex at age 16!

    Pray for me!
  • I just wanted to add that abba David said that "a relationship at a young age is a relationship of sin, you cannot prevent this yourself."
  • it's good for u that u share and have the encouragement to discover the devil affairs there is a words of old fahter " the thoughts and affairs of satan will became weaked if they're discoverd " . and i am really happy to know about ur love to God and ur insest to be the daughter to Lord Jesus Christ so u went to confess . Really the spirit of God is placed in u .

    i wanna share u a simple memo about St. Augostine , the tears of his lovely mother , Monika , lead him to repent and convert him completely from the way of the sin to the way of holliness . So as the daughter of Lord Jesus Christ it will be good to pray for him and watch ur spirtual life regularly and take him just as a friend . and Be like a lion when u face the sin or any thoughts related to it . nice words old father tought us  i wanna shre them with u " the person who wanna beat the satan in the sexaul sin must have a heart like the heart of the lion " .

    Nice to think about :

    Faith , Love , Hope 

    don't leave anyone of them .
    God be with u , and by the way ur lucky as u felt really about the sin and its bad effect , so u will be so good when u taste the feel of coming back to the arms of Christ , and the real feeling of repentance , God be with u and support u and with all of us , we hope that the prayers of all saints be with all of us and take us away from the satan way to the way of Holiness . plz, Don't forget to mention me in prayers .
  • Dear Bride of Christ,

    I know how you feel and I understand exactly what you're going through. It's very tough when you have strong feelings for the person who you feel is pulling you away from Christ. His intentions might be good now, I'm not doubting that, but temptation can overpower both of you, and can overcome his desire to change. You're still young and if God wills, you'll be married one day and married for a long time - why the rush then? Live your youth, and make sure you "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth" (Ecc. 12:1). Build a good foundation for yourself now that will benefit you later on in life, both spiritually and intellectually. He might not be a bad boy, temptation can overcome anyone, especially those who do not maintain a good personal relationship with Christ (through personal prayer).  If David the prophet and king fell into the sin of lust, who are we to say that we can overcome it - and that's why you should "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22).

    This relationship is not fruitful, and mistakes will happen again. Don't allow yourself and him to be tempted, and stop the phone calls. This relationship is causing you to be led astray from Christ, and that's why you should stay away from it entirely. Do not fall for the schemes of satan, make the sign of the cross before you talk to him - and make sure he knows that you're no longer interested in a relationship. "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29). Even if this boy was as dear to you as your own eyes, cut off your relationship with him for the sake of your own salvation and his.

    Continue to pray, and ask God for strength - and pray for me too, for my sinful and weak self.

    God bless,

    Mike
  • [quote author=Dgorgy61 link=topic=7412.msg97993#msg97993 date=1228598355]
    Bride of Jesus,

    First off, I think that you were wise to confront the mistake, and I really respect that, however you have to understand that love is a feeling thats nor good or bad, why are you embarrassed by this?? you keep saying you love him as a "brother", but I'm sure that inside you really share the same feelings as him.. THIS IS OK! Secondly, I'm really sorry you got yourself into this.. you shouldn't have been secretly hanging out with him to begin with.. especially at age 16! I know that you realize this now, but just for future reference, don't do anything you know your parents aren't going to agree with. Not telling your dad was a bad idea, and this was wrong. Before making any decisions ask yourself, will my parents approve of this? would GOD approve of this? BEFORE NOT AFTER. I see you realized your mistake after the hugging, kissing..etc. The Holy Spirit, inside you, was telling you that this is wrong, but you chose to ignore it and then it was too late. When your conscious tells you something.. LISTEN TO IT! This is the Holy Spirit!! God will never tell you that what you were doing is good.. obviously this is the devil! And now you've gotten yourself so into this relationship that you can't forget about all the times you've spent with this boy. This is why our church refuses relationships at early ages (unless it is approved by both parents and abouna), your still growing and your feelings will keep changing... believe it or not. It may seem, right now, that he is the only boy in your life and you will always love him, but guess what... not really! Next year you will lose interest and find someone else. And the year after will be someone else. This is supposed to happen! Teenagers aren't meant to like the same person forever... God didn't create us like this! I am really sorry to say this, and please forgive me, but this will make it hard for you to get married now. Once people (egyptians at church) find out about your "secret relationship", you will be putting yourself into a lesser chance of getting married. *Most* boys at church don't go after the girls that are very open like this. Girls (your age) should stay secure with themselves. If you want to hang out, make sure its with a GROUP of boys and girls. Nothing should be between a couple.. as you can see now, he wanted to rush the relationship, and I'm glad you turned this down... its not easy to say no to this when you love this person, and I'm glad you chose this decision... this is because you listened to the Holy Spirit!! Keep listening to the Holy Spirit, and see what it leads you into, surely not sex at age 16!

    Pray for me!


    Dgorgy61  thank you for your nice advice, I am very happy :D
    And you have right, that I feel the same 4 him, but why do you say those feelings are good, when I actually have to stop with it all? Do you think I don't have to talk with him anymore?
    And how can you now exactly when the Holy Spirit is Talking to you and how do you know it's sure the holy spirit?? 


  • [quote author=crosslover link=topic=7412.msg98020#msg98020 date=1228685402]
    it's good for u that u share and have the encouragement to discover the devil affairs there is a words of old fahter " the thoughts and affairs of satan will became weaked if they're discoverd " . and i am really happy to know about ur love to God and ur insest to be the daughter to Lord Jesus Christ so u went to confess . Really the spirit of God is placed in u .

    i wanna share u a simple memo about St. Augostine , the tears of his lovely mother , Monika , lead him to repent and convert him completely from the way of the sin to the way of holliness . So as the daughter of Lord Jesus Christ it will be good to pray for him and watch ur spirtual life regularly and take him just as a friend . and Be like a lion when u face the sin or any thoughts related to it . nice words old father tought us  i wanna shre them with u " the person who wanna beat the satan in the sexaul sin must have a heart like the heart of the lion " .

    Nice to think about :

    Faith , Love , Hope 

    don't leave anyone of them .
    God be with u , and by the way ur lucky as u felt really about the sin and its bad effect , so u will be so good when u taste the feel of coming back to the arms of Christ , and the real feeling of repentance , God be with u and support u and with all of us , we hope that the prayers of all saints be with all of us and take us away from the satan way to the way of Holiness . plz, Don't forget to mention me in prayers .


    Thank you also crosslover for your good and awise advice, and that you want help me, may God and
    St. Mary be with you.
    But you say take him as a friend, so is it Good when I still talk to him but as a friend?
    I really want it, but how, because I really see he love me as his fiancée, because he wants marry me,
    and talk with abouna and my father, but I dont want he talk with my father.
    He made me clear and abouna to, he don't want me for a residence to stay in Europe, ( he said ''toz'' to it) and he said, he chosed me, because '' you are good raised and '' bint mo2adabba'' and blabla, so I see he mean serious ( I know I have first to finish my study).

    So guys, what dou you think I have to say to him?

  • ++Thankk you Leadmetothecross to, for your wise advice, and the beautifull verses
    God will bless you, and may the saints will be with you++
  • Bride os Jesus , Being married from a nice guy u love through Lord Christ is a good thing that Jesus Lord blessed it , and also being devoted totally to the Lord Jesus Christ is so nice matter to be done. So the matter is which one we choose and our choice should be rational enough regarding other sides in our life , not only the emotional feelings . Every Human is holy within Jesus Christ if he / she  accept  Him and practise the true repentance . Really bride of Jesus , all human can't love each other unless they feel the love of God and practise it in threir daily life with all people .
    So , it will be better to delegate this matter and don't think about it for two main reasos , 1) to go deeply through the practical love of God in ur life , and go more and more in the spiritaul way . as this give the person the true wise to take the right decision as the person is more closer to God .  2 ) to achieve the current success in ur life in study  . As God wanna His sons and duaghter be succesfull in " all " fields  ( as St. Paul " Boles el rasol " said to Temothawes - I hope u r successul in all things - {sorry i don't know the exact verse } ) . and this success also icrease the degree by which we take the right decision .

    Achieveing these two points will make the issue more obvoius for u . Then u can decide , take him as husband or consider him as just a friend . Ask God to make u always catch His hand and direct u to the Holiness way in any direction u choose . Be Blessed in the Lord name Jesus , and plz don't forget to mention me in the prayers .
  • [quote author=*Bride of Jesus* link=topic=7412.msg98045#msg98045 date=1228726101]
    [quote author=Dgorgy61 link=topic=7412.msg97993#msg97993 date=1228598355]
    Bride of Jesus,

    First off, I think that you were wise to confront the mistake, and I really respect that, however you have to understand that love is a feeling thats nor good or bad, why are you embarrassed by this?? you keep saying you love him as a "brother", but I'm sure that inside you really share the same feelings as him.. THIS IS OK! Secondly, I'm really sorry you got yourself into this.. you shouldn't have been secretly hanging out with him to begin with.. especially at age 16! I know that you realize this now, but just for future reference, don't do anything you know your parents aren't going to agree with. Not telling your dad was a bad idea, and this was wrong. Before making any decisions ask yourself, will my parents approve of this? would GOD approve of this? BEFORE NOT AFTER. I see you realized your mistake after the hugging, kissing..etc. The Holy Spirit, inside you, was telling you that this is wrong, but you chose to ignore it and then it was too late. When your conscious tells you something.. LISTEN TO IT! This is the Holy Spirit!! God will never tell you that what you were doing is good.. obviously this is the devil! And now you've gotten yourself so into this relationship that you can't forget about all the times you've spent with this boy. This is why our church refuses relationships at early ages (unless it is approved by both parents and abouna), your still growing and your feelings will keep changing... believe it or not. It may seem, right now, that he is the only boy in your life and you will always love him, but guess what... not really! Next year you will lose interest and find someone else. And the year after will be someone else. This is supposed to happen! Teenagers aren't meant to like the same person forever... God didn't create us like this! I am really sorry to say this, and please forgive me, but this will make it hard for you to get married now. Once people (egyptians at church) find out about your "secret relationship", you will be putting yourself into a lesser chance of getting married. *Most* boys at church don't go after the girls that are very open like this. Girls (your age) should stay secure with themselves. If you want to hang out, make sure its with a GROUP of boys and girls. Nothing should be between a couple.. as you can see now, he wanted to rush the relationship, and I'm glad you turned this down... its not easy to say no to this when you love this person, and I'm glad you chose this decision... this is because you listened to the Holy Spirit!! Keep listening to the Holy Spirit, and see what it leads you into, surely not sex at age 16!

    Pray for me!


    Dgorgy61  thank you for your nice advice, I am very happy :D
    And you have right, that I feel the same 4 him, but why do you say those feelings are good, when I actually have to stop with it all? Do you think I don't have to talk with him anymore?
    And how can you now exactly when the Holy Spirit is Talking to you and how do you know it's sure the holy spirit?? 





    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having feelings towards any guy! God made us like this... it is very normal.. actually if someone doesnt feel this way at age 16 then there must be something wrong with them.. haha
    But right now I think it would be wise to stop seeing him. You saw everything that happened to you, he is not good to be hanging around with... he influenced you into doing so much! If you want to prevent it all, then yes I recommend you don't talk to him anymore, but this is my opinion.. I think you should really ask you father of confession for advice.
    And for the question how do you know its the Holy Spirit talking to you... its very simple.. heres an example: you go to the mall and you find that all your friends are stealing make-up, and tell you to get some too. You're thinking, "maybe this isnt a good idea" and then your thinking "its ok, everyones doing it". Which do you think is the Holy Spirit? I think your a very bright girl and you can figure out when the Holy Spirit talks to you. When you finally confronted that boy and told him "i think this is a sin".. THAT WAS THE HOLY SPIRIT! It was opening your eyes and it made you realize your mistake.

    I hope this all makes sense.. please let me know if you have any other questions!

    God Bless all your decisions, and please pray for me!
  • Dgorgy61  and crosslover, thanks so much both of you,
    You have really helped me guys,  Rabina ye barek 7ayatkom and
    Jesus will be with you!  :)
  • I applaud your courage, wisdom, and most you love for God. If you bring one form his error to repentance, it is said you have done a great ting in the eyes of God, Said by the fathers(St. James). I cogradulate you for hving part in his return to God, I believe, your prayers had a big role to play, for he was a lost soul, but God is mercyfull. Take it from one who siined in his youth with the like of yours and ten times worst, I regret them every day and night, would gladly choose death than have committed such offences. Again, thanks be to his mercy and grace towards aterrible sinner like me. Your state now is good, you broke the chain of sin, you did your part to bring him to God. Whatch out that he is not trying to decieve you. Your salvation is all you have to worry about, as is writting, "work out your salvation with fear and trempling". As you worrying about him leave that to God and continualy pray for him.
    I fell, out of human weakness might return to sin, in that case you have to override your emmotion and think sencably to by all means to avoid  sinning, turn away from your sin. in my view. cutting realation with him, or keeping it to minimen, would be advisable. Amd minimem, only if he truly has rturned to God. May God help and bless you pure heart youn child in all your asprects of life
  • hey

    i am also 16, and can kind of see where your coming from.
    in the past i go myself into a bit of trouble similar to this, and i learned it was definately not worth it. My best advice to you is to keep praying for this guy, but dont talk on the phone or hang out anymore, it just makes it that much harder to stop liking the guy (not like a brother). i know, its really hard to do at first, but you have to be strong and ask the lord for strength. this type of relationship only produces temptation. only see him and talk to him at church, where your surrounded by a big group of people. im a teenager too, i know it seems sometimes like this guy is the most amazing guy ever, and that you cant feel like this towards anybody else, but trust me, in a couple of months you will find yourself questioning why you would ever think this. from my experience, in a couple of months you can get rid of all this temptation and chances of sin.
  • I think its best you never meet again in private, nor stay in private - nor meet or stay in any environment where you both are alone.

    Secondly, if he has confessed and reptend his sin, that's the main thing. But we are all capable of sin, so we shouldnt put ourselves in a position where we can get tempted. If you insist on meeting him in private, then you will most likely fall in the same sin he was in.

    Finally, your FoC should be advising you! that's what he's there for!! What did he tell you? What was his advice?
  • hi guys, I know it's a long time ago I posted in this topic, but I have
    problem again, so here I am back.

    I don't talk to this guy anymore so it's OVER. I don't remember
    exactly how long I talked to him and how long not, but it was a cycle:
    talking to him, then a while not talking,and talking. But from the moment I went to Egypt for a holiday, I took the defnitive decision
    that I REALLY had to stop. I got a little mobile from this guy to call him. Before I went Egypt, I gave this mobile to my best friend, in order that I won't get in sin again. So when I arrived back in EU, I heard from my friend that he called many times and sent messages with the question why I don't answer and what was going on, because I didn't talk to him for a while.

    But  unfortunately, I got the telephone again, but didn't talk to him like I did in the beginning. My goal was to stop, but I was weak.
    I tried to avoid him, but this wasn't so easy. Then, from the moment when I went to Abouna, It got the message from God, that I SHOuld stop with this, for ever. Abouna asked, is it already over with this guy? Of course I was ashamed, of abouna, but especially from God. So I took the simcard from the telephone I got from him (i have also an other phone which I always use), cutted it, and threw it out the window. And also the mobile + adaptor I threw away.

    So he couldn't reach me on that mobile.
    Then he started try to call on the other phone. I closed the telephone many times in his face, and tried not to answer.
    Then I thought, this can't go on. I mailed him where in I cleary
    explained I dont wanna talk to him anymore, cause it' s bad, cause it's helpless, etc.

    Then a time, he called with unknow number.(this happend tagriban in augustus 2009) I answered. I said:'  didn't u read the mail? He said, yes I read everything. You wanna stay away from me, mish kida?"
    I said yes. So he said, okay , if this is what u want I can't say no. So it seemed that he accepted it. But then a few days later he called again. I didn't answer. Then one time I answered and said him CLearly and hard: I said I DON"T WANT to talk you again, what do u not understand, it's over, why do try it again. He was sad, and sent first messages with stupid words like "zabala' blabla, and the n again with the words '' i'm so sorry for those messages, but please for Gods sake, talk to me, I love u". Then he tried to call me a few day's and then finally he stopped.

    Until today I didn't talk to him again.
    But then, friday ( a few days ago) he called with Unknow number in the middest of the NIGHT! ( 1 o' clock) I didn't believe, I thought  he accepted it and finally gave up. (he don't give up, he's terrible sa3eedi, South Egyptian). And I was with my dad and he heard my mobile was vibrating. My dad answered and said me to keep quiet.
    Babyface said ' alo, alo?" My dad didn't say anything. Ohh,  I was so afraid! Finaly when I stopped with it he's gonna be call again!!

    My father said: did u give your nr to anyone today? (in church) I said no. He know now it's an egyptian from the church. Then he said
    okay, ana hasaraf ( i will fix it.) Then I remeberd I gave My number
    to a girl from '3aded el godam' group in church, but I m sure she wouldn't give my nr to a boy. Then I answerd when He asked again, I gave it to a girl. And now he think that SHE gave it to a boy!!
    I don't want that someone else got the debt of me. ANd; i don't wannt that my father got a bad picture from our group, because we are a nice group in the church, our class. He is still calling, but I sent him a message with my friend's mobile to say don't call never again, it's with dad. I don't now he called again or not.

    My father said:  I trust you and I know you wouldn't do that, (  but he knew a very long time ago I had a relation with a other guy from school) and he said, this is a temptation from the devil, because he sees now you'r good with God and fine,  so he tries to sin you.
    He said he will talk to abouna,
    and find out what;s going on. But I knew abouna is not allowed to say anything to my father.

    SO today I called abouna to tell him the story, and what to do ,
    and he said SAY it to your dad, because he's worried about you, and he doubt.  BUT I AM SO AFRAID TO SAY MY DAD, especially bcause it's  a long time ago I gave this boy my number. and I stopped with it, so why I should open this topic again? I wan't forget this and leave this as it is.

    WHAT I HAVE TO DO?? (my dad said, if u say u gave your nr yo anyone I will respect u, and be rested. ) but maybe he only say this because he want to know. I don't wanna break his confidence in me!
    HELP GUYS< WHAT TO DO?!?!?!
  • are u sure it was your ex who called your dad? i don't understand how you can know this if your dad answered the phone.
    did you give your no to your ex? if not, you can just say you didn't. it looks like your dad is protecting you well enough by keeping your phone, and i personally think this is enough.

    if it was me and my dad went to abouna to try and get information about me, then i would be less likely to tell him, because it sounds really pushy from your dad to do that when he knows abouna is not allowed to tell him stuff.
    at the time your dad asked, you had cut off relations with your ex, so it doesn't sound like you lied to him.

    the only problem i can see with not telling him something is that he might assume you are hiding something much worse, so maybe if you tell him the whole story it will be better.

    it really depends on if your dad is able to keep calm and listen to you well.
    if he listens well, tell him. do you have a mum as well? would she be any good to give advise here?
    we will pray for you  :)
  • thanks mabsoota!  yeah I'm sure because I was with my father in the room when he answered my telephone, and I heard his voice. And only he can call 1 o'clock in night. I yet told my father the story! I was so afraid!
    But I prayed before I went to talk to him, and he did listen to me well, and calm, but of course he asked a lot of questions (like where does he live, how long did u talk to him, where.....etc...) Oh, by the way, is it wrong that when he asked me if he kissed me I said:" he tried to kiss me on my cheek and then on my mouth but I refused"? but the first times I accepted it, but then I refused it whole time and confessed it.

    He said, okay now the HALF of the problem is solved... then does he want me to tell him
    more?! He said if I didn't told him, he would go to aboua and make problems there, cause he thought one of the gedma (dinars) from church did this. He said he's angry on that guy, and he won't leave him so...
    I think the confidence now is broke a lot, but he' s happy I told the truth.  :-\ But what him really bother is that All those 2 1/2 years I didn't tell anything to him.... (especially beacause it's the second time I had a relation with a guy.) Pray 4 me alot everyone, and Rabina yebariklek ya mabsoota, and everyone who helped me before, this is really the BEST FORUM ever!  ;) Love Tasbeha!
  • Make sure that you stay the 'Bride of Jesus" as your nickname says.The kind of stories that you shared this far, including the one with an Abouna, imagined or real may disqualify you from being the bride of the Eternal One. Do not create a fertile ground for temptation. Do not just show up when problems arise,but visit and read as often as possible what people here at Tasbeha discuss and make friends with girls at your church who are so close to Christ and His teachings.
    As far as your parents are concerned, you can restore the confidence that you think is broken by changing your atittude and behaviour.Stay away from lustful adventures.We all try to do that, your situation is not unique. Go to confession as often as possibile and listen to what Abouna advises you to do.Jesus said, Pray that you may not fall into temptation.Take His words to heart. 
  • Bride of Jesus, please try to focus on the future and don't look back. I can't remember who told me this but: "Remember that you are a sinner but do not remember the sin itself." Because sometimes remembering the sin is enough to lead you back to it. I know it might be hard to forget this guy and everything associated with him, but try and move forward in your life. Do the things you are passionate about, Give all your attention to God, Indulge in the Church, study harder, learn more, read more, be with friends who actually care about you and your well-being...

    With regards to regaining your dad's trust: you did the right thing by telling him yourself about the situation. If he had found out some other way, the situation would've been made much much worse. I don't think that when he went to Abouna he went with the intention of asking what happened because he knows that Abouna can't say anything. Rather, I think he went to tell abouna what happened and try to come up with a solution to your problem. To regain your dad's trust, which will be understandable shaky at the beginning, tell him everything from the smallest detail of your life to the largest. Also, try to avoid doing things that will make him suspicious even if they are normal activities. For example, if you're talking on the phone and your dad walks in, tell him who you were talking to when you finish even if he doesn't ask. If you want to go somewhere, tell your dad exactly where you'll be going, how long, why, and with whom, and call when you're there too so he hears that everything is ok and that you're not trying to hide anything. This sounds a little tedious but it will go a long way in terms of regaining his trust and it won't last very long.

    I hope this helps a little... remember me in your prayers!
  • Okay I have had the same problem that you are facing except with a girl from school....what I did was I deleted her number deleted her off facebook I basicly deleted her from my life lol. And every single time I would feel like I escaped this sin she would come back and say hi an try to talk to me. So here is what I did. Everytime she called, texted, or i.med me I would ignore her or log off the computer. Everytime she called me I just shut off the sound and left the phone to ring. Even in person she would say hi to me and I would just make no facial reaction and walk away or resume what I was doing. Although it was harsh to do these things I had to so I could focus on my spiritual journey towards God. Whatever you do IGNORE him and show him you have no care or pity for him. You can't focus on your eternal salvation and his at the same time? You can only save yourself before you try to save others. I am positive your parents taught you right from wrong and so did his.... So in that case him not going to church is his own fault not yours? Don't worry about what he says or does to you worry about how God is going to judge your heart next to a feather in the last days. Like my fathe told me his father told him " if anyone knows your father let him come talk to him" in other words what other people say or do that doesn't involve you shouldn't stop you from anything.

    Final words: just ignore him and worry about you praising God not him.


    Pray for me
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