edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
hi everyone
i have a problem that is "well-known" among teens. yes, masturbation.
this sin makes me so sad...the strongest temptation always occurs when im closest to God and everything is going so right. "coincidentally" (hah) things get bad after i do it and my prayers arent heard, i feel. ive been struggling with this for years and i really need massive prayers here. considering i am a girl so im not a virgin anymore which kills me every time i think about it...nothing has worked to get rid of this sin and i seriously need help because if i died today i wouldnt go to heaven cuz of it+
its too embarassing to say to my FOC even though i know i have to
PLEASE!!!! pray for me...


  • You can always write him a note, and I think he will understand if you are embarrassed to say it.
  • LOL, well you posted it on the internet, I mean that's GOT to be harder than telling it to your FOC. He does not judge you!!!! He will actually be rather proud of you because he does know that it's not easy.

    Oh, and by the way, unless you've had sex, you're still a virgin.

    +God Bless you and you'll be in my prayers :D
  • ^^Hmmm, interesting. 

    I seriously did not know that girls too have this addiction. That's something new for real.  Me, I used to be somewhat addicted to it. But now there isn't any internet in my house, and also I prayed about it, then i'm no more addicted. 

    Everytime you're addicted to it, just do something else.  I heard someone say it in this forum to do this, whether read a book, go out for a walk, or go out anywhere and just do something constructive. Just stay away from the place that will tempt you to do this and don't be alone by yourself. Be with a friend and hang out with them. 

    I swear, Satan always tempts you when you are near perfect, just like I used to.
    When I thought everything was well and being perfect, my weakness was porn.  But thanks to heavens it's no more! Perhaps because I don't have internet anymore.  I hope I have conquered it.  But it's always a battle.  It will be in the future to. If I fall, then I shall get up.  It is said that a saint falls seven times and gets up seven times. 
    So hang in there and pray about it.  At the end, victory will be yours.

    God bless and pray for me.

    BTW, Hizz_chiilld, why are you laughing about it?? LOL
  • Dear "ineedofyourprayers",
      This is one of the greatest sins that youth face daily. The fathers call it another form of cancer, because it consumes the physical temptations of any youth. First and foremost- if you want to get over this sin there are steps that will be very helpful:
    1. Start reading the daily prayers of the Agpeya
    2. When you feel that temptation begins to come upon you and you start to feel like you're going to fall into the sin, then you should start to pray the Psalms and pray a simple short prayer: "my Lord and Savior protect me from this temptation".
    3. Try not to stay alone and if you are, don't close the door of your room.
    4. Before anything, you must sit with your father of confession and explain to him what is going on.

    If you're embarrassed or not sure how Abouna will react, I can simply tell you that he will love you and respect you for your honesty and desire to get over this thing.

    Also, the general American/European view of masturbation is that is a healthy and good practice. However, it is far from good or healthy. Masturbation can be a great hindrance to your future marriage because you will not be able to feel completely intimate emotionally or physically with you husband. Also, masturbation will become an occupier of your time and your spirit. It will begin to take over your thoughts and will make you feel like you've begun to be a slave of something filthy.

    Your father of confession is really the only person who can help you get out of this disastrous cycle of self defilement. May our Lord and Saviour give you strength and courage to overcome this war with sin. Always smile and thank God for His grace.

    your brother and servant in the Lord,
  • Wow, just for your act of courage i will pray, i wouldn't have the balls to even think about writing something like that on the internet... really... not because its the right thing to do, but because of your greatness, will i pray for you
  • ineedurprayers,
    How old are you? Are you married? IF you are still younger than 18, then why have you broken your virginity?
  • ok so first of all, i think you should defenetly talk to your FOC because as previous people have said, he is not their to judge you, he's only their as a witness that you are repenting your sins to God.  Masturbation is a youthful desire that tempts almost all the youth and adults.  I think you should just pray about it with your heart, as God will always listen to you.  PUT AN HONEST EFFORT into stopping and God will help you.  Sing pslams, read in the Bible daily, and when it comes to mind, just try to flee. I know it's hard believe me, but just try to flee and do something else. When you are about to do it, go grab your Bible and just read in it, and God will reward you for your efforts.  but defenetly talk to your FOC because he has great advice, i'm sure and don't be ashamed to tell him, he's not going to judge you because that would just be wrong on his part, and they have heard it all, everything from premarital sex to murder....but remember just pray with your heart, like you actually mean it, try to have some faith, and just try to flee when it comes to mind. I will pray for you and for everyone else with this problem. God bless. take care.
  • [quote author=Hailemikael link=topic=5819.msg78074#msg78074 date=1191894088]
    BTW, Hizz_chiilld, why are you laughing about it?? LOL

    Because she posted it on the internet and she can'ttell her FOC, and to just lighten up the tone a little i suppose.
    Everyone has given some great advice, however, I have one more thing to add.
    Sometimes, when we overcome a particular sin, God allows for us to be tempted and to commit it again because we have a new, less visible sin in us. His name is pride... I don't know if this applies to you, but if you don't think it does, search deeper... because it might just be the answer.

    +God bless.
  • lol Who the hell moderates these forums??? i really dont think this topic is appropriate for open disscussion in a forum. i think your should talk to your confession farther or a servent that u have a relationship with and they will help you.
    just my opinion, not trying to upset anyone
    thanks people
  • [quote author=Pi Onkh link=topic=5819.msg78115#msg78115 date=1191929265]
    lol Who the hell moderates these forums??? i really dont think this topic is appropriate for open disscussion in a forum. i think your should talk to your confession farther or a servent that u have a relationship with and they will help you.
    just my opinion, not trying to upset anyone
    thanks people

    Sorry, I disagree with you. Such a topic should be discussed. It doesn't contain any destructive imagery, or any irrelevant detail, so there's nothing wrong with it. This topic can provide aid to the original poster and also to others on the forum who struggle with the same/similar sin.
    +God Bless
  • Oh, and no need for bad language. :)
  • [quote author=ineedurprayers link=topic=5819.msg78044#msg78044 date=1191881004]
    and my prayers arent heard, i feel.

    i`m sure god never turn away from good prayers,specially when we ask for strenght against sin and for forgiveness.

    [quote author=ineedurprayers link=topic=5819.msg78044#msg78044 date=1191881004]
    ive been struggling with this for years and i really need massive prayers here....nothing has worked to get rid of this sin and i seriously need help because if i died today i wouldnt go to heaven cuz of it
    its too embarassing to say to my FOC even though i know i have to
    PLEASE!!!! pray for me...

    this is the first thing that came to my mind,a story about st. moses the night he was faught by the was a very strong war.he couldn`t fight it by his own so he went to his was a long distance for his place to his FOC place.his FOC prayed for him and the sin left him for a short soon as he was back,the sin start fighting him he went back to his FOC....
    u know how many times did he go to his FOC that night?
    TEN times !!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine that night ......
    finally,the satan couldn`t fight him anymore.he got tiried from st. moses` hope and trust in god.

    so here is what i think......if i died with my sin,i hope i die fighting least i will have the honour of fighting.
    may st moses prayers be with u and strengthen u.

    sorry for my long reply.
  • i seriously need help because if i died today i wouldnt go to heaven cuz of it+

    From everything you said in ur post, this last thing is actually the sentence that disturbed me. There's a tendency among us to believe that sexual sins are graver or worse than other sins, or that it upsets God more than other sins. For many who fall in these types of sin the result is a feeling of dispair!!! This is not right, there's no sin that God does not forgive when you repent for it.
    If you are serious in your repentence, and confess then there's absolutely no need for dispair. This simply is a fight from the devil: at first he tells you that the sin is no big deal and that you should try it, but after you commit it he will fight you with thoughts of dispair, that God will never forgive you and you're worthless. Don't give in to this, keep thinking of the following verse:

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1John 1:9)

  • i too like ineedurprayers have struggled with and still am sin masturbation.  I am male and i have told my foc about a year an so ago and this sin has been goin fo about 4-5 years now its really hard to stop it's worse than cigarrettes
    my foc said to always read the bible do ur agpaya and he said since my computer is in my room he said take it out and try not to make time for this sin do ur hw read the bible spirtual books sit with famil do the agpaya anything
    he also said lessen the food and fast wed. and friday because i've felt it too fasting gets u into a more spirtual state especiall not eating at all for a certain amount of hours
    I hope i was of a help too u and i thank u for bringing it up to let all those who r like me to talk bout it and find solutions
    God Bless You
    Pray for me All
  • hizz child you said "Sorry, I disagree with you. Such a topic should be discussed". i agree with  you but not in a public forum getting advice from people who, sorry to say, are not priests or religious officials and may give out the wrong advice.
    However i am not fussed i just thought i would share my opinion.
  • hi everyone,i think i have gone through this so i'll try to explain some points.
    first:u still love God deep in your heart and u still can hear his voice.this appears in "coincidently"hahand my prayers aren't heard,,i feel .so please whenever whenever u hear this voice,don't ever work on shutting it up unless it go further to refusing the spirit voice within your heart.
    second:devil is liar and father of liar.he puts u in dilemma of whether i'm  with God or one side u know what are the attributes of sin(problem -well known-sad-kills me) and on the other side u r faking urself(i'm closest to god-my prayers aren't heared).please take care of lies u have came to believe. devil is fighting God's image inside you,with all all all the power he has been given .the  war is against God himself and in the same time God is fighting for at some level u must work on knowing God from his own own words and know about devil from the same source.please please whenever u feel the temptation,pray for our lord jesus christ to guard ur heart against devil.u can think about something of God's work for us sinners.a lovely thing a servant gave me,a wooden cross to put it always in my pocket whenever i feel temptation,hold it in my hands hands.think what our lord jesus done for us on the cross,how devil was defied under it,how can we conquer devil only in jesus name.
    third:"too embrassing" is a huge's  devil's's the lie that makes u keep away from god.imagine someone whose mission is to put our every sin in front of God to get forgiveness and joy of spirit.think of this"even though i know i have to".
    fourth:"please!!!! pray for me..." no christian can ignore what prayer can's the grace and love of our lord to call him our father in our's the seed of happiness that implanted in our hearts to feel God's's putting our hearts , our minds
    our lives in the hands of our creator.i hope u personally pray for this cuz everything u ask God in prayer with faith u get it ,escpecially this is his own will to be pure in heart.please in the name of our lord jesus christ.
  • ok guys u are right  QT_PA_2T  i am idiot shoudnt ramble like that and have abstract ideas floating around here is waht i sumarised as best as i really could hope it helps and clears up things ,i cant see how i can put it down to a few words when it is a huge problem and has destryed lives just ggole and u ll get the stuff. also all the idea i present here are stuff already disscused with my FOC and a clinical psychologist if u find something disagreeing please be more specific waht i say is what i see working cheers

    This sin is truly a grave one and can affect people to huge levels from affecting and loss of self esteem, self confidence to waste of time, addiction and really depression and despair. It can become a mean to remove stress or falsely create a world that doesn’t exist.

    In the case of addiction for a married person my advice would be first of all to confess to ur wife to u FOC then go see a psychologist and get some real professional help it usually gets complicated with other reasons when a habit has developed for over 5,10,20 yrs. It can lead to many marital problems as well

    Lust can work like this
    Pictures porn people words---Thoughts –desires--feelings---actions----results---------------conclusion
    So every time u get a sexual desire pull ur self out and look at ur self from outside of u… like something I learnt called observing ego. And start listing what gona happen if u fuel this thought with ur energy do u want the end result? U already know some of what u are gona get loss of energy temporary pleasure waste of time health increase in reliance addiction and also sin against God. do u want that? Followed by this u will need courage to make a decision about that follow this principal u might start seeing some success.

    Method 2
    Deep inner issues or things not quite in harmony deep
    Sometimes u might keep in this act and not give it up because u are just believing in the commandment on the surface while deep down something else is going on and relating this further that to ur unconscious programming which is strong and combines to give energy to fuel this sin.

    a proposed approach not meant for everyone
    we believe we get married and then have let out those desire etc. well what happens till u find a wife well with all the sexual u may get the monks advice is to transfer that sexual energy and desire to God in worship that is where prayer and fasting come in but really do we do that all the time? So there needs also to be other mechanism that controls u and puts u on a road that u are happy with spiritually and in reality.

    1.find ways to divert this energy positively
    2. find means of interacting to real people woman or guys so that people and sex are not idealised in terms of what u see in ink and colour on a piece of paper or multimedia in terms of lust sex pleasure and fun etc but as real people who are healthy and in agreement with God
    3.really start looking at deeper level how much u believe in God because here u ask the question do I go to church because of my tradition or do I believe in this stuff and therefore what I am doing here in secret is not totally for what I want to really believe in and there fore I really need to address this. Go to the monastery spent some time there
    4.many people especially the world have fun and sexual pleasure just as a leader by it self they have no preference nor any boundary layer nor religiously or morally etc if one finds himself in the sin of masturbation i mean addiction levels non healthy then simply that person has drawn the circle and boundaries but they have a lot of holes and thus violation happens in terms of masturbation he has no power to combat lust nor method to divert the sexual energy adversely affecting his self esteem etc

  • [quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=5819.msg78154#msg78154 date=1191996507]
    [quote author=karas7 link=topic=5819.msg78152#msg78152 date=1191988434]
    i forgot to mention on e more thing
    the words FUN PLEASURE  are words that carry a lot of weight with this sin u  need to define this understand it and put it where it belongs and believe it

    for me fun pleasure of sex sexuality is always in a first circle GOD then love then marriage then a relatoinship then pleasure and fun

    many people especially the world have fun and sexual pleasure by it self it just as a leader by it self they have no prefrence nor any bondary layer nor religiosuly or morally etc if one finds himslf in the sin of masterbation i mean addiction level then simply that person has drawn the circle and boundaries but they have a ot of holes and thus voilation happens in terms of masterbation

    Wa kamman, after all that u forgot to add something!? Ya mister, this is not a diary; its a forum. I mean, responses should be to the point, and clear.

    Anyway, i disagree with your opinion.

    How can you disagree when you havn't even read it?

    karas' responce seems fine to me.. if you're too lazy to spend the time reading it then the solution is this: DONT READ IT!

    Other people might benifit from it...
  • You're allowed to disagree, but you should state why, or at least specify what you actually disagree with..
  • Hizz_chiilld,
    Anybody is free to disagree on anything they want without a reason. That's why this is a forum, not an ecumenical debate. Not every opinion has to be supported.
  • An opinion that is not supported might as not be said, as it doesn't contribute to the discussion in any way.
  • I agree with Hizz_Child about the pride issue.  When you do not masturbate for a while, let's say 2 weeks or a month or so, you start thinking "wow i overcame this, i'm unstoppable," but remember you will fall from pride.  Pride leads to destruction. Do not give yourself credit, give God the glory and credit.  And just try to build a strong relationship with God, such that all you desire is the Lord, and nothing else, if you know what i mean.  Instead of thinking, "oh i will stop, but I know i will fall into temptation later and commit this sin agian," just know that YOU are in control of the situation, and no one else.  This is only a temporary relief to a situation.....find alternatives....go to the gym or something or go running, let off some steam......anybody else with alternatives for this?? i really cant think of many.....God Bless
  • 1. Your father of confession will have so much more respect for you after going to him to talk about your problem.  One thing that is remarkable about many priest is their ability to see the Christ in everyone, no matter how that person conducts his lifestyle.  Please go to your father of confession it is very important.

    2. The short prayers noted before, these arrow head prayers, as been said before are very effective, however (as i have read) you must remember not only to use them when you are being tempted but rather in times of Peace because you can only derive true peace from Christ himself.

    3. Attempt to follow the example of the saints who have had struggles of their own.  For example you can try to go to your father of confession weekly just as St. Moses the Strong went to St. Isidore.

    4. This is a serious sin that you have to be consistent in fighting, that means you can never let your guard down.  You must be constantly be aware of the tricks of the devil.  He will try to catch at any moment and as you know you can fall at any moment.  Be watchful

    5. Please realize that this is an addiction and that for you too stop completely at one point is very difficult, but i won't say impossible because i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  However if you fall into the temptation do not give up but be happy that Christ still loves you even in your moment of the sin. Their is a proverb that says (im paraphrasing): do not rejoice devil, for though i sin i will rise again.  Do not let your fall overtake you but continue to fight.  You must understand that you will fall again but just like any addiction if you improve after each fall you will eventually improve until it is no longer existent.

    6. With addiction it is very easy to lose hope.  Please Please do not lose hope.  Christ is always by your side and will always help you.  It is very dangerous to lose hope with an addiction it allows then the addiction take over you whole life.

    7.  Please go to your father of confession, if possible weekly, and do not let up in your fight.  Do not give the devil a single moment to creep in.

  • you could write it on a peace of paper, and tell him i wrote a sin that i am strugling with. if you are embarressed to tell him. And also, many peopel told me.. would you rather tell your FOC now, or wait untill God says it in front of everybody the sins you didnt confess on Judgement Day. Thats what i heard ( tell me if im wrong ) And it is a sin for your FOC to think different of you. And he will not. God chose him to be a priest, and he will help you out and give u advice.
  • Thanks Lover of the Father- may I add keep a journal entry.

    Begin with reasons why you masturbate, then reasons why you don't want to masturbate.

    Include reflections of any struggles, any successes and falls- reflect on God's grace in your life and in these struggles and compare it with your rebellion and disgrace (I am not meaning to be demeaning; I intend to similar for the sins I fall into).

    Remember the more you reach out to God the Father, and live in the cleanliness and glory of His mansion will you despise the mud where pigs bathe.

    And thank God for the struggles, for the success and for the falls- have confidence that by God's grace you will overcome it, and that allowing God to influence your sexuality and all other aspects of your life will lead you to a life where God will smile and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord."(Mt 25:23)
  • . +
    . +
    . +

    Hi Ineedyourprayers...

    I read this discussion a few days ago and must admit I truly admired such courage and humility. Let no-one despise you for making such a posting for many great saints repneted in written form, in history books for all man to see...King David, Jonah, St Moses the Black, St Augustine and the list goes on...

    I am personally suffering from this sin and vice! So I say from the beginning I struggle with it continually and I am no position to give advice, yet the discussion has reminded me of a few beautifull points which I would love to share:

    1) The Fathers, the desert fathers themselves; if you read the sayings on "fornication" in ' the paradise of the fathers' you will find some of the great fathers confessing to their disciples who felt despair by this sin that it even troubles them in their old age,  so I guess as some consolation not to be sad that you are experiencing such a stuggle or even falling into this sin..

    2) The proverbs itself say "the righteous man falls seven times a day BUT RISES AGAIN"! ALL fathers have taught us to rise and run, for the Lord will not ask why you sinned but why you failed to repent, He knows you will fall and so He willingly died for your sake, so claim forgiveness through Confesssion and His HOLY BODY AND BLOOD and struggle honestly! Remember the Lord looks at the rise not the fall, he looked at David as the man "after my Own heart" do  you beilive this? He did not look at David the murder and adulterer but the man after my own heart! what great Love?!

    3) I have a beautifull story which I will find a way to send to you, it is from the paradise of the fathers, a story full of promise and joy in the face of the spiritual faiulre of a young monk, but for now I willl leave you with the words which brought this wearied monk to great spiritual truimph " I will place my trust in the Mercy of the Lord who will give strength to my weakness and I shall endure" He used this prayer in faith and true humility as an arrow prayer whenever tempted ...through it he overcome the snares of the wicked one!!!

    pray for me a sinner....

  • may the Lord and His Holy Mother bless u all more than ever! everyone (mostly) has been so supportive and i really really really do appreciate all ur time and wiseness! Again, may God continue to Bless you all and keep praying 4 me!

    i will b waiting for that story!

  • hehehe.
    +God Bless.
  • ok, wow. you are quite a person too post something this personal on an open forum. kudos for that.  i have also had this "addiction" also and it a very tough one.  i always thought wow this is way too embarrising to tell my FOC so i then fell into despair and didn't confess for 9 MONTHS. which is probablly worse then the initial thing.  i would also feel terrible afterward, thinking wow what have i done.  and it is very true whoever said that we feel like sexual sins and desires are the worst because they bring the most shame.  what i can say too you is that whenever u get the slitest desire or thought completely breakdown what you are doing and do something else. What really works for me is going to a different place(new scenery) and calling my parents.  After talkin with mama or baba for 5 or ten minutes or reading the Agpeya, you wont have any desire to even think about it. you should also see ur FOC because they really do help not judge. i remember the first time i confessed about it, wow i had the most terrible feeling and ugh i had really bad nerves but once done, GREAT FEELING. Hope i helped. 

    ++God Bless++

    i will pray for u and myself, because of how brave u were to reach out and ask for it.  Jesus once said, "If you look for Me, I shall be found" 
  • you could tell him "abouna i do a bad youthful and lustful sin with certain parts of my body, and it kills me everytime i do it, and i wish that before i do the sin i could feel the despair and sadness i feel afterward" instead of just going to him and saying abouna i masturnate, he will understand and guide you and i think that the younger you are the harder it is to resist
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