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Prenups

senir
in Coptic Orthodox Church
What is the Coptic view on prenups?

Should couples sign prenups or are they considered unchristian ?

Comments

  • mabsootamabsoota
    this is an orthodox Christian prenuptual agreement:

    if we divorce because of your sin, i get your permission to remarry and you have to repent.
    if you change your ways before i remarry, i then have the option of reconciling with you.

    if we divorce bcause of my sin, you have my permission to remarry.
    hopefully i will change my ways before your do, so that i can gain forgiveness and reconcile with you. otherwise, i will live as a single person if you are not willing to take me back and i will do all i can to serve God in humility for the rest of my life.

    if we divorce because we both sin, then we will return to God as soon as we realise our error and we will accept either single life or reconcilliation, depending on our ability to forgive each other.

    if one of us dies, the other has permission to remarry, however this also gives that person the option of spending more time serving God and helping the poor.

    if we have a major disagreement about money, we should both repent and ensure that we are using the things we have to help those who have less.

    may God forgive our greed and our attachment to the things of this world, and may we spend our time investing in His heavenly kingdom.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    PS
    if you are asking about prenup because you are about to get married to a controlling person, then please speak to abouna - that is above my pay grade - the advice about is for relationships that are not abusive. 
    try to avoid going into a controlling relationship in the first place - it will not get better after marriage!
    if it is a controlling relationship (and you are already married), you should try to keep your money separate so that you can use some of your money to give to the church and help poor people (an abusing partner might try to stop you doing that).
  • senir
    Thank you very much for that. Is this agreement an offical one that everyone is encouraged to follow or is it one that you came up with based on your knowledge etc?

    I had a conversation with Christian friends and they were saying they would sign a prenup that states that they will do what makes the other happy when they divorce or that says 50/50 and that got me wondering if signing a prenup actually makes the couple get into the marriage with the belief that they may divorce/with divorce as a possibility. I thought Christians don’t sign prenups and I was surprised when I heard most friends say they would sign one. That’s why I asked.

  • ItalianCopticItalianCoptic
    A prenuptial agreement isn't required, and if a couple has one it's based on money or family status. It has little to nothing to do with being a Christian and is largely based on modern Western society's laws regarding secular marriage.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    i wrote the prenup myself - i wanted to make the point that money (and status etc etc. as italian coptic is hinting) is of no value at all, and that anyone (your friends for example) who is considering a prenup needs to have a big think about their spiritual life and ask God for guidance why they wanted to have that in the first place.

    if they just want to clear up the issue about who is allowed (in the church) to get married again (it is only the one who doesn't cheat), then this is ok and it should strongly persuade them never to cheat and to take the marriage and their spiritual lives seriously.

    if they want to say; 'ok, i'll get married but if everything goes wrong i'm keeping the car / house / dog etc. that that is wrong for so many reasons and they should read the prenup above in order to shock themselves into thinking spiritually.

    the dog / house / car will not follow you in to the next life (sorry!) so there is no sensible reason to be so attached to those things that you write an agreement about them.
    also marriage is about sacrificing your life, not about holding on to material wealth (see the letters of saint paul to the galatians and ephesians, for example.

    again, this does not mean that a person must stay in an abusive relationship - that person is permitted to run for her / his life (not caring for material things) and hopefully will then find shelter with God's people.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    as for non orthodox Christians, i can't comment.
    i simply advise them to follow the orthodox spiritual life (which hopefully will eventually lead to joining the church) and i don't tell them how to live.
  • senir
    I see. Thank you for your helpful responses mabsoota and Italian Coptic
  • mabsootamabsoota
    i used to assume that most protestant Christians used to believe roughly the same as i did when i was protestant (14 years ago).

    however, i since met a 'Christian' work colleague who was living with her partner (not married) and others who thought it was ok to kiss strangers in nightclubs and others who do all sorts of things that i was not taught to do as a child (like interfaith prayers, dodging tax and even interfaith marriages etc.)
    so i don't make assumptions and i listen politely to their opinion and then make 1 or 2 orthodox suggestions.
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