I _since I was 16_ stopped being a Christian because of the problem of evil at first and then because of lack of evidence for the existence of god... I went to protestant churches for small periods of time during these 7 years (I'm now 23 years old) and I tell you I heard every argument for/against theism/Christianity and I can't get my mind around any of them... I tried, a couple of months ago I joined an evangelical church and I convinced myself that I believe, I even prayed, but after 3 months of staying there I discovered that I couldn't believe, I stopped going. When I told her that I don't believe my little sister kept talking about experiencing god and that I have to have this "spiritual experience" or whatever besides using logic and reason... I don't know how to experience god or how does a spiritual experience feel like!
I've had depression and suicidal tendencies for a while now and I see you Christians happy all the time and I envy you really... the only girl that I loved was always this happy person, she had unbelievable peace of mind and she told me that her god (Jesus) was the source of her peace, she rejected me mainly because I wasn't Christian like her and because of my depression.
Can you please take me step by step from my agnosticism/atheism to belief in god/Jesus, I also don't understand the trinity and the sacrifice of Jesus, the original sin, I can't believe in miracles and I even distrust god and I can't pray.
I really tried to believe, don't think I didn't try... I am an Egyptian by the way so believing will save me from legal problems here (that's all I can think of as of the benefits of religion... this and marriage) I was born to Coptic orthodox parents and I was even serving in the church/mass until I was 16 and left, I can't remember how I reasoned believing though or if I treated religion as this so sacred thing that you can't . I would love to be Christian then orthodox again yet I can't believe/experience any of that, I mean why choose Jesus from the thousands of gods out there and why even believe in god when science can explain almost everything to us (I think people used religion to understand difficult concepts like death and natural disasters)
I'm sorry for the very long question. I actually posted lots of questions here about the difference between orthodoxy and protestantism yet my problem lies within Christianity itself... I couldn't believe, I wanted to but I couldn't. Please help me believe.