Struggling with Forgiveness

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi!  I am new to this forum. I have been facing some serious challenges in forgiving someone....I flicked through a number of books on forgiveness, listened to Pope Shenouda's sermon on forgiveness & read his books, etc, etc...yet I feel so confused.

Sometimes I feel that I have forgiven that person, then a couple of days later I feel so much bitterness inside of me....I haven't been able to stand in line for communion for a long time because of this...I so much want to forgive...I verbally declared that I forgave that person a number of times, yet my heart says otherwise....I asked Jesus to heal my heart, or rather to give me a brand new one, but I'm still struggling.

When I asked one of the fathers about this, he said that feelings come and go & that if I have declared that I forgave that person, then I can have communion. For some reason, I am not fully convinced. I am literally stuck & fighting my own emotions. I know that the Lord Has forgiven me for many grave sins & I know I must forgive others too, but what I feel unable to control is the bitterness inside of me:(

It's not that I have a problem forgiving all people who hurt me. NO!! I have easily forgiven many people, but with this particular person, I find it soooooooooooo difficult (it could be due to the repeated offenses...I don't know).

Any thoughts on this? So sorry for this long message & thanks in advance:)


  • May I suggest that you pray several times daily for this person that they might recieve God's blessing.

    Love is not a feeling, it is action and will. If you put into action the determination of your will to forgive this person then feelings will be changed over time. It is fine to tell our Heavenly Father that you still have hard feelings about this person but that you do not want them and want to pray that God will bless this person regardless of how you feel.
  • Thank you father. This is helpful & I will try it out.
  • i had a similar problem a while back. a coptic priest also told me to pray for the person who had hurt me (very much).
    it was a few days before i could do it, but when i really prayed for him to know God and not to go to hell, then i was able to greet him with a smile the next time i met him!
    he looked really shocked, and also a bit afraid, because he was no long able to bully me.
    he still wasn't my favourite person, but i pitied him instead of hating him and so i was able to escape from his evilness, even though i still had to see him sometimes.

    so it's great advice, may God guide u and give u the courage to do it.
  • Do not let the Great Deceiver, deceive you.
    Do not become your own worst enemy.

    It seems the issue is you need to forgive yourself
    for having tough thoughts about this person.
  • "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other; just as Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
  • Thank you mabsoota for sharing your story & for your encouraging words. I have already started praying for this lady and I hope that things will change soon.

    ilovesaintmark, I guess you are right. I often feel very guilty for having tough thoughts about this person. This often discourages me, and when I pray, I feel like a hypocrite, knowing the kind of emotions I harbor inside. Although I know that the devil is very gifted in deceiving us, I often fall in his endless traps!!

    ThyWillBeDone, this is a beautiful verse but I need so much grace to be able to apply it in my everyday life. When I try to measure up agaisnt this verse I realize that from scale 1-10 I probably score 1 or 2:(( But I trust that Christ can help me out with this. Thanks for sharing:)
  • My friend Jesus forgives the repentant sinner and we must ask for his strength to forgive we can not do it on our own God Bless You DJ
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