Okay. So with all due respect to our religion, i really don't get why it's such a big deal to be in a relationship at a young age..... like how young is TOO young anyway ?? I think all Copts' idea of an appropriate age is after college, but they don't consider the fact that a lot of people want to go into fields that take maybe 8 yrs of college or MORE ! Some egyptians say its fine when you're in college... but really ? we will al be too focused on our education & academics. I honestly don't wanna wait til after college because i will probably be about 25 yrs of age by then.
I also know many people who started relationships during their teen years (as early as 9th grade) and they became successful. Some are engaged, some are married, some are starting families ! & they all seem so happy. So i don't understand how it can be wrong... Another thing is that many people in the older generations are immature. I compare some to younger ones & the maturity levels differ greatly. Although one might be younger, they are not always less mature. I think serious relationships depend on the maturity level you are at. Perhaps i take things more seriously then a sophomore in college; does that mean they can start a relationship just because they are older ? I don't think so.
The last thing i will add is the fact that you are supposed to have a good relationship/bond with God in order to have a good/successful earthly one. I know that. But some younger ones have a better tie with God than some older ones. So shouldn't that mean that they are more ready ?
Opinions are much needed ! Please & thank you.(:
Comments
I don't think this has much to do with restrictions from our religion trying to spoil our fun in life as some may experience it. Our faith doesn't tell us what age to get married in or start a relationship. However, those who guide us in the faith will try to help us do what is best for us in the long run.
Generally speaking no matter how mature you think you are, as you grow older you encounter different situations, learn to deal with people, work, life in general and find out that you have a long way to go. Every time you enter a new phase in your life you learn new things about yourself. You learn what your qualities are, what your weak points are. I'm not saying this in an attack on your view or anything, im just sharing what my own personal experience is, because I used to think like you for a long time.
One of the fathers the priests used the example of entering a dark church. If you open the door, at first sight you may see 10% of the church around the lighted candles. But as you enter and walk around and turn on the lights, you'll see more and more. The same goes with truly knowing yourself and growing into a mature spiritual relationship based on a long time with its ups and downs. In choosing a life partner you'll need to be stable and actually know what kind of person fits you.
For the majority of people this is halfway twenties, some earlier, some later.
The experience of spiritual guides is that those who choose their life partner in an early phase in their life, have a greater chance of problems in the long run, so don't be fooled by examples of people who started dating since they were 16 and ended up married. You don't know how it will go in the future.
Concider your life as a single person a good opportunity to serve God and give Him all your heart instead of being occupied with pleasing a boy/girlfriend for a few years before entering a marriage. Give time to your studies, your hobbies, friends, family.
Also concider the reason why you feel the need to enter a relationship early! Is it because you are ready to commit yourself 100% to another person or because you feel an emotional void that needs to be filled by someone...
Just some points to think about.
I'm sure there's others on this site who can advice you better than I can.
spiritually
financially
emotionally
physically
the reason why it is recommended to wait after college is because that the person will probably not be ready in most categories. finacially because they probably only have a part time job. spirtually because the time that you are single is the time that is spent with God the most.
think of the path to marriage as a triangluar staircase. the man is at the bottom left corner, the woman at the bottom right, and god at the top. if both man and woman are focussing on God and their priorities sooner or later the two will bump into each other the the tip of the triangle which is God.
i hope that makes some sense. if not try searching marriage on orthodoxsermons.org
i was once told that it is ok for teens to date starting late high school, this is because, as crazy4christ posted above, a marriage is not ready until those categories have been fulfilled. With his being said, i was told that it is good to gain experience while young so that once you have fulfilled these requirements, you have built the experience to know what you want and what you don't want in a spouse. many times people think they know what they want, but once they are in a relationship with their "dream counterpart", they find out that what they thought they wanted is not what they really want at all. so i was told it is good to date early to learn this things so that when one is ready for marriage they know exactly what they are looking for.
Any thoughts on this?
god bless,
chris
By the time being, you'll have spiritual guidance and parents with experience who can help you to deal with problems during your relationship. Besides, there's a chance your first relationship might not be completed in marriage, but at least you'll have gained experience in a proper way, in the proper time, for proper reasons by that time.
I say Hos Erof arihou chasf.
you should hang out in a group of friends, and if you find you like someone from that group, you should discuss it with your parents (or a friend who is old/married or confession father if you have a poor relationship with your parents or if you are older and don't live with your parents). then there is someone who knows you are thinking of getting engaged. they can check out where you are going and who you are spending time with.
in the time after deciding you like someone and before getting engaged, there is no need to spend time just by yourselves where you can be tempted to start kissing etc. all the pop music songs tell us to not talk so much, just kiss, let your body do the talking etc and it is so, so easy to get carried away.
instead you should spend time going to church together and talk afterwards about the service and you can hang out in a group or in your parents house (where they could disturb you any minute) and have your important conversations about the future somewhere where you can talk but nothing else, coz someone will see if you get carried away.
or course, your friends also need to be respectful and let you have the time to chat.
if you kiss, it is much harder to stop there, and it's very easy to progress onto touching each other (which is sin) than if you sit in the corner of a wider group of people, respectfully treating each other like brother and sister.
if you kiss and you think you will find it easy to stop, think about the person you love. you're seriously tempting him/her to sin, and that's not a good thing to do to them, it's not showing them true love. true love is patient, kind, gentle, self-controlled, not devouring the other person like you are an animal.
so once you and the other person are sure you have feelings for each other and have prayed about it, then you should get engaged. if you just want to play around and not get engaged, then leave it there; you are wasting each others' valuable time, time that could be spent learning more about God or studying for a future job. it's in the engagement period that you should have more serious discussions about how you both plan the future and how you want to serve God. then you can go for a walk together (not to a secluded place), share a bus ride etc. this implies that you are old enough to get married, which depends on the country you live in. so there is no point getting engaged at 15, for example, and thus no point in wasting your time looking for someone to marry. even if you are 17 (and your country allows you to marry at this age), there's no point getting engaged unless you are sure what job you can easily get without going to college and you are happy you can keep doing this job for the rest of your life, and you are not at all ambitious to have a career, and you are happy without earning much money.
so, practically speaking, very few 17 year olds are ready to get engaged.
i do think, however, that some of us value a career more than serving God and raising children, so i don't think it's true that everyone must study till they are 21 or even older. firstly it can be very boring, especially if you are a practical and not an academic person, secondly, it's ok to be married young and very poor, it keeps you humble. but you must be sure you can cope with this and not rely on relatives to step in and help you when it all goes wrong.
i don't know what is 9th grade, is that age 16? i met one person who married that young (she was already pregnant) and had 2 children by the age of 18. she very much regretted not finishing school or enjoying time with her friends more when she was younger. when the children were older and she wanted to work part time, it was really hard for her to find work because she didn't have the most basic qualifications. she didn't recomend that other people did the same, even though she had a good and kind husband.
so i really recommend that people who are under about 21/22 years old concentrate on work and study and learning as much as they can in church, and if at this stage you find someone is really interested in you when you weren't even looking at them, then fine, discuss it with someone mature and consider getting engaged.
if you don't get engaged, and you feel you are getting old, then you can start looking for a husband/ wife after that time. and by looking i mean noticing if someone is paying you lots of attention, going out in a group, or asking friends or parents to introduce you to people that you can get to know in a group or other safe environment like your parents' house. it is not good, it's even dangerous, to go on a date where you snuggle up in a dark cinema with someone or waste your hard earned cash eating out with someone you hardly know or (worst) speed dating, where you look at the other person like a second-hand car you might buy, thinking 'will this person satisfy my needs?' or 'is he or she good enough for someone amazing like me?' these are all very selfish ways to fulfil our fleshly desires.
instead you need to realise you are an important and very precious creation of God and you are created to give God glory. you should ask God 'what is your will for me? should i get married? can i have the priveledge of glorifying you by marrying and taking care of someone disabled or marrying someone and having disabled children? how can i serve you best, Lord?
it's not about finding out what you really want, it's about finding out God's will.
then, when you are several years into your marriage and it's really hard, you will have the spiritual maturity (you will be close to God) to accept the other person's faults, realise you have many faults yourself and call on God to change you so that you are the patient and kind husband/wife God wants you to be.