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Comments
Dear CertifiedOrthodox,
I'm going to give you advice that goes against what everyone else has been telling you: Don't go.
The same EXACT thing happened to me only a few months ago. I went to a party, talked to a guy from church, he liked me, and messaged me at 3 in the morning to ask if I would like to go out with him for coffee. People say oh it's just coffee, but it's really not! Guys like to test girls.
Do guys, in your opinion, like to be friends with girls? Do they understand the concept of friendship with girls?
This sounds like a nightmare. So, if I go out for a coffee, he'll think that I say yes to everything!?
You know my only problem in life is : If I didnt believe in sex before marriage, I wouldn't bother with Coptic men. That's my only problem. Non Christian men - or even protestants / Catholics etc don't really believe that its wrong sometime, and so I'm stuck with orthodox.
I'm not happy about it, but - what can I do? If a Catholic guy proposed who was descent and respected the fact that I was a virgin, I wouldn't think twice about it. Do you honestly find Mansour such a person interesting? One who always tests you? I'd get so bored, I'd slap him with all this testing. Its absolutely stupid. That sounds so immature (he does i mean!). I mean, the person you are describing. What kind of idiot would ask a girl out ONLY to see if she's going to say "yes" and if she says "yes" then she's "cheap"... lol
Look, Mansour, I'm young, but not a child, I'm doing a Masters in International Finance, and frankly, I've got no time. The only reason why I even have time on tasbeha.org is because my typing speed is 120 words per minute. I don't have time to waste on people like this. I will expect to be treated as an adult. Finished. Mansour: LEAVE HIM! Get rid of this loser. What do you mean he respected you more!? You mean this idiot asks you for a coffee , and then respects you more for saying "no"? lol
So in his little stupid Egyptian head, he was thinking that it was wrong to invite you out for a coffee!???????
You know, this stuff really makes me mad. I have closer friends who are girls, but that's back in Europe. I don't know many people here.. that's the only problem.
Why on earth do you bother with egyptian men with all this nonsense. Come to Europe, and I'll introduce you to nice men who aren't into mind games, and would treat a woman as their equal. I like that. Judged for saying YES to a coffee!!!?? Its a cup of coffee!!!! What kind of miserable values do they have to suggest to a girl to go out for a coffee and then if she agrees , she's judged as cheap or easy.
What does that tell you about their spiritual level? ARRRGGGHHH!!! MANSOUR!!!
You really want to marry someone like that?? Yeah, oK.. I'm all for being judged on my looks, my dresscode, my sense of humour and morals. That's all good stuff. But its dumb to go and judge me for agreeing to go out for a coffee in BROAD DAYLIGHT when the person who is judging me about it is the one who suggested it.
So - let's say I said "yes" to the coffee and he thinks I'm "easy" - can I think of him as being "stupid" for even judging me as being easy over a coffee that HE SUGGESTED!!!????
That's fine. I'll be classified as "easy", and I'll think he's a jerk. Problem solved.
I take it you all go through this and marry each other from Church!? Right?
Mansour, look, don't get me wrong, but my social life back home is really good. I need people. Interesting people. I just think its best to mix with Christians than non Christians. I had some bad experiences with non Christian guys. That's all. I'm young Mansour!! I want to live life. You're describing to me a jail. I feel bad if you are in it.
Mansour, u don't understand. I get a lot of attention... and I can tell who is sincere. He is quite sincere. He looks kinda goofy. (in a sweet way). He's very harmless. I would like to go out for a coffee. Thanks.. I really wish you were here in NYC.
First off, I would like to ask you who Mansour is? Everytime you've quoted me, you've replied to "Mansour". I think there is someone else on this forum with that name, but it's not mine.
Second, you say that you feel sorry for me... but I don't feel sorry for myself. This is how it's supposed to be. You think that everything will be fine if you find out that he's "judged" you but the truth is that you will not even know that he has. It's not like he's going to tell you straight up! He'll keep this in the back of his mind for when it really counts (ie. time to get married). You say that you're young and that you're not thinking about marriage yet, but you need to start building your reputation early so that you even have a chance when you're ready for marriage. Guys talk to each other... even if he's not the one that you want to marry, he might talk to someone else that you do, and now that people travel and communicate worldwide, he might even know someone from the UK that you might like!
Finally, I'd like to comment on the fact that you'd marry someone of a different denomination without thinking. I hope you know that if this happens, your marriage would not be acknowledged in our church. Is it really worth it to lose your faith and that of your future children's?? Another thing worth mentioning is that the same people who are easy going in the beginning will also easily let go of you. Our Church does not believe in divorce and to get a divorce is very difficult, but other denominations accept divorce so if a husband from that denomination so much as gets into a disagreement with you, you never know what could happen. I just thought I'd point it out. You can't run away from your culture... this is who you are. You can't "dance on the stairs" as they say in Egypt... neither reaching top or bottom and then people won't respect you. Be proud of who you are and of our Church.
lol
Hi CertifiedOrthodox,
First off, I would like to ask you who Mansour is? Everytime you've quoted me, you've replied to "Mansour". I think there is someone else on this forum with that name, but it's not mine.
Second, you say that you feel sorry for me... but I don't feel sorry for myself. This is how it's supposed to be. You think that everything will be fine if you find out that he's "judged" you but the truth is that you will not even know that he has. It's not like he's going to tell you straight up! He'll keep this in the back of his mind for when it really counts (ie. time to get married). You say that you're young and that you're not thinking about marriage yet, but you need to start building your reputation early so that you even have a chance when you're ready for marriage. Guys talk to each other... even if he's not the one that you want to marry, he might talk to someone else that you do, and now that people travel and communicate worldwide, he might even know someone from the UK that you might like!
Finally, I'd like to comment on the fact that you'd marry someone of a different denomination without thinking. I hope you know that if this happens, your marriage would not be acknowledged in our church. Is it really worth it to lose your faith and that of your future children's?? Another thing worth mentioning is that the same people who are easy going in the beginning will also easily let go of you. Our Church does not believe in divorce and to get a divorce is very difficult, but other denominations accept divorce so if a husband from that denomination so much as gets into a disagreement with you, you never know what could happen. I just thought I'd point it out. You can't run away from your culture... this is who you are. You can't "dance on the stairs" as they say in Egypt... neither reaching top or bottom and then people won't respect you. Be proud of who you are and of our Church.
Sorry, I think i was PM'ing someone called Mansour when I was responding to your post. Apologies .
OK. how about going with friends to see him?
Or.. what about just meeting him in Church?
Bc then it will be very casual!
Going out in a group is much less intimate and much more acceptable... same with talking in church (just make sure you don't talk for too long so rumors don't start ;) ) So, yes both of those would work so much better!
Good Luck!
Just my two cents as an older woman...and if you are in a public place and you have arrived safely and leave safely (that is why I said meet him for an hour midday), then don't worry about a chaperone--UNLESS you get a creepy gut-feeling about this guy. And then, obviously if you had THAT, you would not be saying yes to the coffee, CO! :^)
You can tell the priest if you think you need a chaperone for the situation, but don't turn it into some big deal. And I disagree with those who have said you would be leading him on if you went for coffee since you are only here for a few months. SO WHAT if you are only here for a few months--who said that is leading a guy on if you go have coffee???? It's not like he's a baby and has to be coddled nor is he somebody on a pedestal whose whims require catering.
I don't get the hoopla that surrounds this...very odd to me.
I think I made it clear in my posts that I have been asked if I was a virgin or not by guys. Only Egyptians ask me that. I don't mind, but they really treat the situation like a job interview.
But i doubt that they wanted to TAKE IT SERIOUSLY and get married.....
They don't ask me that straight away, I mean on the first date, but they all tend to ask soon.
Perhaps if I didn't smoke it would help?
Ok, I didn't explain well perhaps.
They don't ask me that straight away, I mean on the first date, but they all tend to ask soon.
Perhaps if I didn't smoke it would help?
YOU SMOKE?!
[quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=8835.msg110771#msg110771 date=1266374095]
I will add: make sure you order a large coffee. It will be more expensive. It identifies the potential suitors abilities to provide.
Remember: It is lent--no milk.
First of all, and I have no problems saying this: I'm going to drink milk with my coffee. I know its lent. I'll tell you why:
I need to drink milk because I go to the gym a lot. I need the protein from somewhere. I can abstain from meat, and everything but i need milk.
I'm not judging, but here's an idea:
Try Silk soymilk. I compared it to regular milk, and regular milk has 8g of protein per cup, while Silk has 7g. I work out alot too, and this was a concern for me also, and i know that every gram counts. Just drink a little more :D
Just an idea, no pressure :D
God bless, pray for me
Chris
No one should assume anything just cause you went out for coffee. If they do, it's immature, if they ask, just say theres nothing going on between you two.
You can't generalize men, either good or bad, or by their religion or race, when it comes down to it, each person is unique no matter what there background. It comes down to the individual, not their background.
In the end, its chill. Friends are friends, boy or girl. I always hated how Egyptians made such a big deal about inter-sexual friendship. For example, abanoub2000 (thats his username on this forum), is my best friend. So if he happened to be a girl, we would not be allowed to hang out together, and it would even be infinitely more difficult just for us to be friends, just because he now has breasts and his genitalia were replaced? People will start talking and assuming things about us solely based on the body, not the spirit. He/ she is still the same person, so does it even really matter? No. It's stupid. It really is.
Go out and enjoy yourself :D
God bless, good luck, and please pray for me,
Chris
There's a lot of stuff here being discussed.
I was away, I was so busy.
Mina, smoking is bad for your health, but I'm not small. I mean, if I was a small bodied woman, then I think that would be dangerous. However, 5'9'' and I swim 40 mins each twice a week, so when I smoke it isn't so bad. I admit, it would be bad if I didn't any sport. You must understand, that having a French mother and Egyptian father means that I'm going to be influenced by the French culture a lot!
For the milk, I mean, I eat yoghurt and dairy products. But I'm cutting down from meat. my FoC said it was OK because if I do not eat, I may suffer.
I had a coffee with Mr Coptic yesterday. He was really funny. Everything I said, he agreed to it. I didn't disagree to anything I said. I like that in a man. That's a smart guy. lol.
He was really funny, because I think even disagreed with things I was saying, but he agreed out of politeness. I like that. He's very talkative also. I like that.
I didnt have time to call everyone I know and ask them to come to chaperone. I'm a big girl, he's a big guy, we can be mature and just talk like adults. Everything went ok.
I mean, I live near Union Sq, and he works near there, so it was convenient to meet up.
What I like about him is that he's really nonjudgemental and he loves the tasbeha. I'm learning it. My brother knows the tasbeha pretty well, and so i think they can be good friends.
I've learnt the 1st Song, 2nd song and I know a bit of Eporo. But I'm learning more of it, and he's going to teach me more :)
Thanks everyone for your advice.
You should retract it!
You should retract it!
iLoveStMark,
I'm saying it is bad for my health, but i'm not a compulsive smoker and I do a lot of sport. I mean, I smoke ONLY occassionally, and after tasbeha.org posts.
But a woman with a smaller body is most likely to suffer more.
I'll try and quit during lent anyway,
Thanks
What I like about him is that he's really nonjudgemental and he loves the tasbeha. I'm learning it. My brother knows the tasbeha pretty well, and so i think they can be good friends.
I've learnt the 1st Song, 2nd song and I know a bit of Eporo. But I'm learning more of it, and he's going to teach me more :)
Tasbeha is BEAUTIFUL!!! :D
In its time, you will get rid of it. "Whatever is not useful falls away"--if we allow God to have access to ALL of us. Most of us don't, even though we might think we do.
Maybe that is part of the taking the plank out of our own eye first...letting God deal with US before we deal with someone else.
Glad you had fun with the guy from church and that he made you laugh--that's something a girl always likes!
First of all, I'm very happy that you had a wonderful time... I wish you all the best ;)
I just wanted to comment on something that caught my attention. You said that you thought he was nice because he agreed with everything that you said! My question is: Do you really want someone like that??
I know everyone's different so I just want to understand this. I know for myself I would never want to be with someone (whether as a friend or more) who always agreed with me on everything... for several reasons:
1. I'm not perfect and I know that I can be wrong sometimes
2. It shows that he has no personality
3. How can I respect someone who doesn't respect himself enough to share his own opinions
4. It'd just get annoying after a while...it would be like talking to yourself all the time and that's never much fun.
Another thing that I wanted to point out is that smoking IS dangerous, no matter how tall or strong or athletic you might be!! As someone in Science who's seen the effects of smoking, I can tell you with a million percent confidence that smoking is harmful to everyone... even second hand smoking is, so how much more will first hand smoking be?!?! I want you to be health and happy, so I'm giving you this advice. Smoking may not affect you much now but all the chemicals line your insides and eventually, when they accumulate enough, they will have devastating effects! I once read the ingredients on my friend's cigarette box in the lunch room at work and was shocked to find out what they use. Here are some examples:
1. Tar: lines the lining of your respiratory system and eventually makes it very difficult for you to breathe
2. Carbon monoxide: that's the gas that gets released as a byproduct from propane (car gas). CO can actually make it harder for red blood cells to carry oxygen throughout the body. It's very deadly and can kill you in just a few seconds if inhaled at high amounts. There's actually a story of Robert Latimer who killed his sick daughter that way.
3. Formaldehyde: That's what people use to preserve species for dissections in classes... it stinks!! In humans, it is very carcinogenic (cancer-causing) and causes severe irritation of the major airways (ie. throat, lungs) as well as irritation of the eyes (enough to cause severe damage)
4. Ammonia: very corrosive stuff... it eats away at everything. I was once doing a lab where we had to use ammonia and while I was walking, a guy walked into me from behind so some of the ammonia i was carrying spilt and made hole in my jeans where the drops fell. It also made me cough for about 20 mins and I couldn't breathe! They were actually going to call the ambulance to take me to the hospital but thank God, I felt better once I left the room and got some fresh air.
5. Nicotine: This is actually a drug because it alters your brain signals. Smoke containing nicotine is inhaled into the lungs, and the nicotine reaches your brain in just six seconds. Nicotine in small doses acts as a stimulant to the brain. In large doses, it's a depressant, inhibiting the flow of signals between nerve cells. In even larger doses, it's a lethal poison, affecting the heart, blood vessels, and hormones. Nicotine in the bloodstream acts to make the smoker feel calm.
Anyways, I just wanted you to know this info because many people don't and continue to smoke. If you don't care about science, follow what the Bible says: you are the temple of God so treat your body that way. Would you throw a bunch of junk into the house of God?
Just some things to think about.
God Bless.
Well, the gentleman I had a coffee with really was quite funny. He was only agreeing with me to make me laugh.
I was telling him that Copts are really closed minded, and he agreed, and said "yeah! Me too".
I said "yeah, but I hate that!"
He said "Yeah, me too! I hate myself also".
I said "OK, but I hate how Copts deify priests".
He said "I deify priests and I hate that about me also".
I said "OK, but I cannot stand how some Copts are rude for no reason and judgemental".
He said "Yeah, me too. I hate being judgemental and rude for no reason".
hahaha..
Well, it was funny when he said it anyway.
So, as for smoking, I'll give up. You've convinced me. THanks.
I am SO SO GLAD that you decided to stop smoking!! Thank you! if you ever need any encouragement or support, I'm always here ;)