friend's situation

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hello all,

So, I have this dear friend of mine. I really care about her a lot. Lately, she's been in a relationship the guy wants to marry her but he still has a long way to build his future but he's been honest with her from the beginning and told her about everything, the past and the fact that he still has a long way to go to make it and be able to marry to her. She accepted it and respected him a lot for being honest with her and that he is not trying to play around with her. But lately, he's been pushing her so much to kiss her on the lips to express his love to her. He told her that he is not thinking anything bad and it is just a way to express how much he loves her and she is been asking me if she should let this happen or not. she doesn't know if it is wrong or right and she asked me and honestly I've not been in such a situation before :) so I don't know what to tell her. can someone help please? all I can say about her is that she is a spiritual girl and a servant in the church, her guy is not really that spiritual so they think somehow in a different way in regards to these issues. So, what should I tell her because I have no idea :)
Thanks in advance for your help.


  • Hi tigi09

    You should tell her that she should not allow him to do that. Because;

    First, She is the temple of God because God says, " You are the temple of and the Holy Spirit dwells in you". Since they are not yet married, this should not happen.

    Second, This is how sin starts; just a little tiny step at a time. I think that we sin when we cross our boundaries a bit by a bit. So now he is asking her to kiss him and you know what he will ask of her after that.

    Tell your Sister in Christ that she is a servant who should be a role model representing Christ.

    Ask her if she thinks that God would approve this action.

    God bless

  • 1)They need to break up their relationship until the right time.
    2)Being with him right now will ruin her reputation.
    3)For a serious, Godly relationship leading to marriage(if the time was right because a Godly relationship comes at the perfect time), they both need to be at the same spiritual level.
    4)They should not kiss for the reasons enbyasoo3 mentioned. Married things should not be done outside of marriage. There is many senses on the lips that will stir a lot of emotions. I will leave it up to another, more knowledgeable person to explain the biology behind it.

    I am curious, does she love him? Through out the entire post you are speaking of his love to her.
    I recommend that she keeps distances from him as much as possible. She needs to judge from the "past" that he shared with her and apply it to the present and future. He will attempt to do the same things with her if he has not yet repented and changed. Even if he has changed, he is deceived into thinking a kiss will not lead to more temptations.
  • How old are they?
  • Tell your friend that huge sins begin with small concessions. Sin entered the entire world because of a bite of fruit. David became an adulterer and murderer because of one lustful glance. Judas became eternally condemned, ironically and appropriately, with one kiss.

    It always starts somewhere. If the boy truly loves your friend, he will respect her wishes. There is nothing to benefit from this kiss but there is everything to lose. If your friend agrees, the boy may lose respect for her and the potentially fruitful relationship could be ruined. Or worse, the kiss could lead to much greater sins. Common sense tells us that if you approach a fire, you will get burned.

    Instead of lingering next to the fire (like St. Peter before denying Christ), your friend should take the example of Joseph the Righteous. When Potiphar's wife pestered him to lie with her, he "left his garment in her hand, and fled and ran outside" (Gen 39). He fled and ran outside! Because of his faithfulness, God made him ruler over all of Egypt. Tell your friend to flee from this situation and God will reward her as He rewarded Joseph.
  • Also, if the guy is not as close to Christ or the Church, this is an opportunity for your friend to bring him closer, rather than for him to drag her away. Also, she should pray about it and TALK TO HER FATHER OF CONFESSION!

    Rabena ma3hom
    Pray for me
  • Sounds like teenagers.

    No marriage vows, no kiss--its that simple.

    He just wants to let his hormones flow and have a good time.

  • Don't give her a sermon lol

    let's just say he'll get what he wants and then leave. something among those lines
  • It is important for your friend to understand that although she is in a relationship with this guy, they are still considered brother and sister in the eyes of God. Also, even when a man and woman are engaged, there is no physical contact because, again, they are still brother and sister. Not until they are married are they no longer brother and sister, now they become one flesh. (These are not my words by the way, I heard them on "Bayt 3al Sakhr" with His Grace Anba Paula.)
  • [quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=9757.msg119648#msg119648 date=1285104406]
    He just wants to let his hormones flow and have a good time.

    Hey buddy, shes in the relationship too.
  • [quote author=sodr2 link=topic=9757.msg121149#msg121149 date=1287733035]
    [quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=9757.msg119648#msg119648 date=1285104406]
    He just wants to let his hormones flow and have a good time.

    Hey buddy, shes in the relationship too.

    yes, but he has a responsibility to protect her (just like a brother would). If he does that with her, what's to stop him from trying with other girls later...and maybe he's done in the past. How could she trust him?
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