I WANT TO CLOSE MY MOUTH FOREVER!!

edited August 2011 in Personal Issues
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Comments

  • I used to throw a ball against the wall over and over.  I made the high school baseball team as a pitcher, and I could hit 89-90 mph on the radar gun.

    You have to channel it, and ask for God's help.

    You have to reflect inside as to what is causing your anger, and you have to be very honest.  Don't flub the issue.
  • Welcome to my world! lol No seriously though I know how you feel. When I was younger it was much worse for me and now that I am Orthodox I am gaining control over this. What I have learned is that this is how I am, and I cannot change that. So I realized that its ok to be angry, but I have to control the anger and make sure not to sin. There were many saints who were very direct, sometimes to the point of offending people. The goal should never be to offend others, but if you speak the truth in love then your ok, and sometimes love can be tough. Just learn to use your anger wisely so as not to sin. I promise you my mouth is probably far worse than yours. You are a wise individual and I am sure that in time you will learn to control your anger, because remember it is a natural emotion like any other emotion. It is ok to be sad and grieve, but you have to be careful not to slip into depression. It is ok to be happy, to smile and laugh, but not too much lest the fear of God be removed. Likewise it is ok to be angry, but not too angry that you explode and hurt someone physically or verbally. It is all about control and during this fast I think it would be wise to contemplate on our Holy Mother St. Mary, and others like her who were celibate, the ultimate and highest form of self control.
  • ILSM make a a good post.

    If you are angry then ask for help to find out why and deal with it. In my own case there were relationship issues, but I had to realise that I could not rely on other people to make me feel good about myself, I needed to rely on God to teach me the truth about myself and Himself.

    But while you are working on that do as ILSM says and get it out of your system some other way than shouting at people. I still have a great deal to learn.

    Slowly, slowly, I am learning to be detached from situations so that I do not react but I respond. If we react then we cat out of our animal nature, and out of the bad mental attitudes we may have. If we respond then we are a second or two away from everything that happens. And in that second or two we can choose how we respond.

    Let me be honest with you. When someone says something to me I am very often tempted to react immediately. Someone might say, "Have you made a coffee yet?". They might mean, '"If you haven't managed to make a coffee because you are so busy then I'll make us both one". But somewhere inside me I might hear, "Why haven't you made me a coffee, you are lazy and useless". If I react then I will say something which assumes the other person means the second message. If I am detached and able to pause 2 seconds then I realise that either they do not mean that and are asking if I want a coffee, or else that their gentle criticism is valid and I need to say, "Sorry, I am just making it".

    These latter are responses, but the immediate snapping back is a reaction.

    I see in myself that there is a certain anxiety, which I am sure comes from my childhood. I can do little or nothing about those feelings, just as I cannot choose to have longer legs or different colour eyes. But I can decide not to be bound by these feelings and act immediately they prompt me, just as when choosing not to eat even though hungry during a fast. If you follow ILSM's advice and seek to reflect on why you become angry then you may also discover that the origin is something you can do nothing about, it is just a handicap you must live with.

    But we can all choose not to be bound by our circumstances and our inheritance. We can still offer our broken selves to God and ask Him to heal us and use us as He wills. How we choose to deal with our circumstances and personality and inheritance is a moral matter, but the personal material we have to work with is often not our fault, and is something we have to work with and cope with.

    So do reflect on why you become easily angry. Do find ways of directing that energy into positive channels. And do seek to become more detached from the immediate as a matter of spiritual growth so that you have that second or two to choose how to respond to situations in Christ and not react to them in animal instinct.

    I am still learning these things. Pray for me.

    Father Peter
  • [quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=9586.msg118052#msg118052 date=1281649279]
    I used to throw a ball against the wall over and over.  I made the high school baseball team as a pitcher, and I could hit 89-90 mph on the radar gun.


    lol, i love you, ilovesaintmark.
  • i used to have anger issues too.
    i realised it was a problem when all my dreams had me smashing glass or tearing down houses with my bare hands.
    so, well done, u have diagnosed a problem.
    God has all the solutions. pray and ask Him to gently show u the sources of yr anger, and talk to your FOC or other spiritual advisor (someone older and wiser in church who loves u).
    u will find that as u forgive people who hurt u during yr earlier life and as u accept God's overwhelming love, that the anger will gradually melt away.
    it takes time, so meanwhile, if u feel angry or frustrated walk away, or if u can't say to the other person, 'i'm sorry i can't discuss this right now coz it's too hard for me'.
    make a few minutes of time for yrself several times a day, and play ball, go for a run, do 41 metanias while saying kyrie eleison, anything.
    may God have mercy on all
    :)
  • [sup]Father Peter said: "If you follow ILSM's advice and seek to reflect on why you become angry then you may also discover that the origin is something you can do nothing about, it is just a handicap you must live with."[/sup]

    I think father Peter's point is important. Other feelings, like anxiety, or disgust often mask themselves as anger. Anger is something you do when some of these other feelings get too much. Some introspection about what is behind the feelings that lead to anger is helpful, since it alerts you to situations where you might need to be extra vigilant. Some situations and poeple might need to be avoided untill you gain more control.

    Others here have pointed out that excercise is sometimes a useful outlet. That's true, although there are exceptions. Healthy exercise like sports or running etc are useful ways to manage stress and increase a feeling of wellbeing. It also relaxes muscles and gets rid of excess hormones (which are released when we feel threatened or defensive). Generally most studies have now shown that punching a punch bag or hitting stuff to release your anger just increases aggression and doesn't teach control. Just releasing your anger on a punching bag is not a great way to let go.

    Anger rarely just happens! There are always signs. (increased heart rate, tense muscles, red face etc.) Sit down and make a note of some of the early signs of anger in your body. If you become aware of some of these signs and you know you are in a  situation where you find it difficult to control, walk away before your anger passes the point of no return.

    If you can't walk away, distract yourself with a calming thought or practice, like just internally listenting to you breathing for a bit, or saying the Jesus prayer. Practice makes perfect.

    Training yourself to have compassion is also a good way of preventing anger. Training yourself to see things from the other person's perspective is a good way to learn to prevent anger outburst. Often if we try to imagine why this or that person might be doing something, we see that the same issues problems, since or hurts that lie behind our anger lies behind their anger as well, which generates compassion, and might dislodge any anger you feel. Compassion often lead to forgiveness, and the ability to let something go and walk away.

    Practice Practice Practice. Self control is a discipline.

    Best Wishes

    Gerhard









  • but a dear friend of mine pointed out that I would still be sinning in my thoughts and there is still the issue of my actions.

    Silence in a time of anger is a virtue; even if it leads to the sinful thoughts.
    It's better to sin within yourself, repent, and confess, than to sin in front of people, offend them, and always regret the action (since you cannot take back words).
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