Please I need your help! any word will help me

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi Everyone

I haven't been on for almost 2 years now, but I felt that I really need help from everyone that visits this website.

I'm 26 years old guy, working in a stable job. I serve in my church as a deacon leader & I teach hymns to kids & adults. Last year I got engaged to one my friends from church, & after staying together for almost 11 month she started treating me in a bad way. Then she told me that she wants to break the engagement because she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I was very hurt & talked with Abouna (he is her Father of Confession as well) & he told me that I deserve a lot better person. & that she is immature & doesn't deserve me. Anyway.....things started getting worse, all my friends started leaving me, most of them left to other countries for work, & the rest of them started treating me in a different way. They started ignoring me completely. I don't know what to do, I feel that life is very tough without good friends that truly care about me. I don't know who to talk to or who to open up & share my stories with. I sometimes think about immigrating to another country to find good friends, but I come back to myself & say "I have a stable job, & I want to live near my parents". On the same time I want to get married, but there are no suitable girls in my church. The feeling of lonliness is killing me everyday.  Everyday I come back from work & I don't find anything to do, I find myself lonely & sad...I really don't know what to do. I really need your help. Please let me know what you think


  • Hey,
    All things happen for a very good reason. Perhaps God is trying to save you from a bad marriage that could have ended in divorce and trying to help you make the right decisions when making friends in the future and also assist you in making the right decision when finding a woman to share the rest of your life with: where you deserve her and she deserves you equally.

    But we must remember that for everything there is a time.
    Ecclesiastes 3:1
    To everything there is a season,
    A time for every purpose under heaven:

    So in keeping this in mind, things won't change quickly unless it is God's will. but I would like to always remember this verse: Jeremiah 29:11-11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

    Usually when I am lonely and sad, I pray. I even let my tears out to express my sadness. It's hard at first but thats the hardest it gets, soon I realised that God is truly my Father and really wants me to cast all my anxieties on Him because He cares for me (Pslam 55:22)

  • i move house most years with work so i understand loneliness.
    it's too obvious to say 'get closer to God' but in fact concentrating on your spiritual life is very important, especially your prayers, both from the agpeya and telling God how you are doing and asking His guidance.
    maybe God wants you to be a blessing in the community around you, not just among coptic people. do you meet other people and give them a chance to ask you about your faith?
    the orthodox churches have a light that others need to see, you are the light of the world, as Jesus said. so this is something to take personally!
    in ephesians 6 is says, 'after having done all to stand, stand'. so stand firm, with the light of God's love in you and reach out to others, even those who don't want to listen.
    then, before you know it, you will start to find answers even when you are not focusing on the questions.
    may God bless you and your desire to serve Him  :)
  • hmm, i knew you sounded familiar ;)

    Here, your saying that Abouna says she's immature and not good enough for you & in your previous post you said your parents didn't approve of her (now, i dont know if this is the same girl, but im assuming it is lol) so it seems like this wasn't God's will for you from the beginning. You should definitely take the wise advice from Selah and Mabsoota and continue to build your relationship with God.
    10000000000% of your heart should be filled with God, that no girl or friend should ever need to replace. The fact that your feeling lonely means your heart is missing something, which shouldn't be the case for any christian! I am the very last to say any of this, as I need to listen to my own words before telling others. However, the more you understand God's love for you, the more you will never be lonely! Are monks/hermits/nuns lonely? Some go their whole lives without seeing a single person.. just something to contemplate on ;)
    These words are easy to say and hard to do, but if you hang on to God as Jacob did when he was wrestling with Him and said "I will not let you go until you bless me", then He won't leave you either. Just think how precious you are in His eyes.. inta too2mor bas, and He will give you allllllll.

    "Obedience responds to obedience. When someone obeys God, God obeys his requests" St. Mius.

    Jesus loves you my friend, forget girls and go devout to him :) lol
  • "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you"
  • Thanks very much for those great replies, I really appreciate it!
  • Throw darts. 

    Go clean the church.  It is very therapeutic.
  • perhaps (if you literally meant your friends were leaving you deliberately) they are leaving because you were depressed / stressed about the break up with your fiance. After all, rarely you'll find friends that stick by you in the hardest times. I a not saying they are not good or anything. They're only human. society is like this. people want to be involved in happy things rather than spend their time helping someone else be happy.

    Immigrating is a huge decision. One thing I want to tell you is; if that is really what you want, then do it now before it is too late and you feel to fixed in your current job.

    Cheer up first and change the way you are looking at your life before making any big decisions. It's not worth it spending your time regretting things or self pitying about how unfair your life has been.

    It is hard and it might feel unfair that your relationship is the one out of many others that ended but isn't it better that you found out about the other person's true self before you get married and then it'd have been even worse.
    It's not always going to feel that way.. may be this incident happened so that when you finally meet the one then you'd be so grateful and you'd care for your relationship even more.

    Have a good day.

  • It gets better

  • thanks very much for your help,
    My problem is that I feel that my faith is shaking. I feel that I'm very hesitant to take any decision. I don't know whether to stay in the place I'm staying or immigrate to another country. I feel that my brain is now completely stopped.
  • He who trampled death can easily solve your problems, may all of us taste the power of His Glorious Resurrection!
  • [quote author=baladoos link=topic=9104.msg113444#msg113444 date=1271485608]
    thanks very much for your help,
    My problem is that I feel that my faith is shaking. I feel that I'm very hesitant to take any decision. I don't know whether to stay in the place I'm staying or immigrate to another country. I feel that my brain is now completely stopped.

    You are valuable to God.

    Lord You are aware that I do not know what is
    good for me, and now that I am about to start ..........,
    how can I know if it is right unless You guide me with
    Your grace. O’ Lord, I beseech Your guidance in this
    matter, do not let me follow my tendencies, lest I will
    be confused and fall, keep me from slipping, help me,
    let it be according to Your will. If You see it fit, grant
    me Your blessing to complete it, if not, remove this
    desire from my heart. You know all things, nothing
    is concealed from You. Lord, I am Your servant, deal
    with me as You see fit as I realise that I will have
    neither success nor peace unless I submit my self to
    the grace of Your will, teach me to say in every
    occasion; “Let it be according to Your will, Lord, not
    according to mine.” For Yours is the Kingdom, the
    Power and Glory forever more. Amen.

    You can find this prayer in the Agpia. You can also discuss with your father of confession.
    God bless you and guide you.
  • Everyone's replies here were excellent but I just need to add one more thing!

    From what you've said, you are a successful individual who has a good job, loves the church, close to family and friends, etc. Therefore, you do not NEED a marriage to make you complete. Just because you feel pressured to get married does not mean you have to go out and FIND one... an individual doesn't find a spouse, but God makes it happen when the time is right. I apologize for my bluntness, but the fact that you want to get married so much blinds you from the suitability of the girl. Because you love God and the church, you need a girl who will do the same; because you are successful in your career, you need a girl who will also be successful in her life and her career; because family is so important to you, you need a girl who will not only love her family but also yours and treat them with the same dignity and respect. You won't find all that if your only goal is to get married! Also, a girl wants someone who is strong and confident, so you need to pretend like it doesn't bother you whether you are married and also change your thinking so it really doesn't bother you. Also, you need to find alternatives. Just because someone is busy and doesn't want to hang out doesn't mean that they no longer want to be your friend. Make yourself busy. Do things that you like to do... travel, go to movies, read, whatever you can think of. The more independent and confident you are, the more people will be attracted to your personality and want to spend more time with you, and this includes girls too.

    Another thing that I'd like to add is that when you find the right girl, there won't be any problems from the beginning and everything will just go so smoothly. You'll actually feels God's presence in the relationship. So wait for that and don't settle for anything less!

    God Bless.
  • I really don't have anything else to add to this topic, but i have to comment on what Marmoura said.

    [quote author=Marmoura99 link=topic=9104.msg113452#msg113452 date=1271525786]
    Another thing that I'd like to add is that when you find the right girl, there won't be any problems from the beginning and everything will just go so smoothly. You'll actually feels God's presence in the relationship. So wait for that and don't settle for anything less!

    I don't think this will be the case entirely even if Gods hands in it. There will always be problems that arise because we aren't perfect, there maybe arguments that occur and disagreements and such, which in fact is a good thing. If you expect to never fight or argue with your spouse you are naive and mistaken. You need to see how each other react in adverse situations. You want to see reactions to different situations. Is this person going to run away from all conflict and become depressed when adversity shows up, or stay strong and fight? This is all important to realize. Gods hands is important and necessary to feel, but things will never go so smoothly that no problems will arise at all. Life is filled with problems, to think that during an engagement and marriage they won't is naive. How you and your spouse/fiance deal with it is where you realize you can be with each other for the rest of your lives.

    God Bless and Pray for me and my weakness
  • Thank you for bringing that up jydeacon!

    Perhaps I should've been more clear!! What I mean by that statement is not that there won't be any problems because that's nearly impossible, but that even if there are problems, they'll get sorted out. Also, God is involved in the relationship, then the parents on both sides will approve and the Fathers of Confession of both individuals will approve. No one will have to make a huge sacrifice that they'll later regret and you realize that you can live with the other person's personality and habits, good or bad.

    On the other hand, if it's a relationship that God is not a part of, then most likely a parent or a Father of Confession will not approve, it will be harder to resolve arguements, or one of the involved individuals will make a sacrifice that will later be regretted (ex. girl wants fiance to be with her all the time at the expense of his family's needs or the other way around). These are just examples, but God allows some of these major complications to happen as a sign that these two individuals are not meant to be together.

    Of course, it's healthy and normal for couples to argue sometimes because that's how one's true personality shows, as jydeacon has stated! It's actually worrisome for couples not to argue during the engagement period because then it all comes out in marriage and could lead to more serious trouble.

    I hope that's clarified things a bit!
  • Have God bring her to you. A quote that I really love says "She must be so lost in HIM, that he must seek HIM in order to find her."

    Take a look at this, it is very nice.

    pray for me
    -sister in Christ
  • What I hear is the sadness in your heart right now for the loneliness, and yes, you say your faith has been shaken. That is what life does.  Remember that we are to be glad for trials because it is for the purifying of our faith, we are put through the fire to burn off the dross and let the gold come forth.  That means, necessarily, that we are going to go through PAIN and SUFFERING.  Now, some of this we bring on ourselves, but it does not sound to me like this is the case with you.  You could not predict that this girl was going to break your heart.  It takes a long while to get over a broken heart; this is something I know very well, unfortunately.  You cannot give yourself a timeline for healing, neither can you make yourself stop being lonely. 

    On the other hand, you can think, "Well, if it was not the Lord's will, then I will at least rejoice that I am free for what is His will."  This does not mean--that you rejoice--that you will not have pain underneath.  The Lord understands and does not expect us to turn off our feelings and be so spiritually minded that we cannot relate to this world and life.  That is not what Christianity is all about--we are not supposed to turn off our minds and feelings or say that all is illusion.  No.  Your pain is NOT an illusion.  Your loneliness is NOT an illusion.  Sometimes our friends will indeed leave us when we go through hard times.  You can think about Paul writing, when he was abandoned by everyone in front of the religious leaders of his day:  "But the Lord stood with me."  You can even visualize this so that you remember it is what is actually the truth.

    You can try to find a way to just be yourself.  To not require yourself to be anyone other than who you are.  Sometimes we think we see clearly, and then, after some years, we understand that our vision was actually quite obscured.  We come by the way we view life quite honestly; so many things are "created" by our perception.  It is good to allow there to be room to be wrong--what may seem like a setback may in fact end up being the thing that brings you exactly where your life is supposed to go.  If you think that way, I know it can give you great hope.  If you have trust in God, if you believe that God has a plan, that you are willing to let that plan be worked out in your life, then suffer the present loss and pain as your laying of your gifts on the altar. 

    What finer sacrifice can we give than to say, "Here I am, Lord.  I am willing to be made into the man (or woman) You mean me to be.  Help me trust You and be conformed to Your Spirit."

    May God give you grace, and peace in your heart as you heal.

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