I can't stand this help

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Okay so I am in the middle of good Friday and I was praying and in a good mood. Untill suddenly my ex walks into church. And that was back when I was stupid and didnt really care much about my salvation and church. So anyways she walks in and is sitting right across from me and I never made eye contact or looked at her but she keeps looking at me to say hi and I don't wanna even see her or talk to her. Also once he walked in all of my past and all of the mistakes I made with her and everything start to run through my head and now I feel like I'm not even close to being worthy enough to be a deacon and stay for the rest of good Friday. I feel like even though I confessed about everything I still remember the sin and I can't forget it cause she is always trying to talk to me
and stuff. What should I do. I confessed it all but I still remember it all and it makes me want to cry. Because now I'm trying to focus on my prayers and my salvation and
my life with God.... What should I do? What does it mean?


  • So cry.  Let your heart be broken for what life turned out having in store for you.  Confession is not going to miraculously change what is; it only begins to prepare the heart to see even more of what we really are.  The Holy Spirit of God does not convict us of ourselves--yes, I said convict us of ourselves--all at once.  Some would think that it would be too much.  Personally, I think we are too blind to see it all.  It takes a long time for us to see deeper and deeper.  You know that wonderful Buddhist saying: When the student is ready, the teacher appears?  Maybe today your ex-wife appeared and you saw something of brokenness and compasssion and grudges and condemnation and regret and pride--ALL OF IT--and you wanted to cry.  NO KIDDING.  If the things we do to others and do to ourselves and have done to us by others are not enough to break our hearts wide open, what is the point of living? 

    Be transformed by love.  Be reduced to love. 

    These three remain: Faith, Hope, and Love.  And the greatest of these is Love.

    God bless you.
  • Well it's not my wife I'm a teenager lol. That's why i said back in the days when I was stupid hahahahaha. But honestly thank you for that the quote I really liked.

    But I'm looking for a more religeous and God like answer
  • hi dear brother deacon mark. what u experienced is not so unusual.
    1peter 5:8, the devil wanders around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
    james 4:7, submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.
    maybe the evil one inticed your ex to do this, she may not even be aware of this and thinks she just looked across at u innocently thinking 'he is a nice guy' but maybe the enemy whispered in your mind 'look at her, see what a bad past you had, you are not even worthy to be in church'.

    so you should say 2 things, one 'get away from me satan, Jesus has died for my sin and i am now forgiven' and say to God 'help me and have mercy on me because i am weak and the enemy attacks me. help me not to believe the enemy's lies'.
    the devil does not wait for a good moment to attack us, he really wants to hurt us. but he has no true power over us, because as you wait on God and trust in God and go back to church even if you don't feel like it, he will than have to flee.
    so if u see this in time, go back for abogalemsees tonight if you can, or it you see this later be sure to be in church tomorrow for 'eed al qayaama and tell God you will serve Him even though you are not worthy, because Jesus' glorious death and Holy resurrection makes you worthy.
    if, like zan amrikai suggested you have anything left to discuss with God, tell Him you repent and turn to Him, then trust Him to teach you. and go back to church even if you don't feel like it. many times we do stuff for God when we don't feel like it and He rewards us the same.
    this is not just theory, i saw many times myself when i was sinful and doubting God, that i would make an effort to try to keep going even if i didn't do well, and God still gave me His peace and grace even though i don't deserve it.
    may he have mercy on us all, and pray for me too, a sinner.
  • The same thing happened to me. I relle regreted it and everytime i remembered, i would get all depressed. i talked to my FoC and he told me to do metonias every morning. on top of that, i prayed and asked god to let me forget. it really worked!! so try talkin to your FoC.
  • God Bless you guys, please pray for me and my sinful ways

    -cheif sinner
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