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Coptic Orthodox Church
Can anyone please answer this short question?
edited February 2010
Is it ok to hug (female) friends? They're only friendly hugs so does it really matter that much? Sorry I was just wondering.
[move]Thank you, and God Bless You
although nothing is wrong with it, egyptian culture tends to frown on it, believing its 'improper' for two unrelated individuals of the opposite sex to 'be so physically close.'
as was stated earlier in another thread, sometimes our 'religious' beliefs can take on certain aspects of the culture of its believers.
Just as long as in your heart you consider them as your sisters in Christ, then its fine.
Sometimes physical closeness to the opposite gender can spark unhealthy throughts and take us away from our true focus: God Himself (because the spirit is against the body and the body is against the spirit); and we all know that the spirit lasts forever and therefore must be the highest priority for us. But we have to understand, physical closeness to the opposite gender is a
gift from God Himself
in the pavillion of holy matrimony (and only in that pavillion). In other pavillions, God didn't assign that gift.
I had a female friend every time she'd hug me, she'd stay about 20 seconds or more holding on... to the point that I began to put my hand out to shake hands instead of hugging... lol total failure... so in my handsomeness and my great attracting self I thought maybe she has a crush on me... so I approached her, and told her I do not seek relationships... I'm not fit for such things... lol... can you say awkward?! to which she literally told me "awkward"! lol then she explained how I'm like her brother... lol to which I thought how much more is my narcissistic view going to be distorted! but I had to leave with the last word of course... so I gave her a lesson to why hugging can be bad! lol
through that I learned its fine to hug a girl... but what I do is I do the shoulder hug... lol
but if you hug the girl and you have no feelings to her... what is she going to think... you have to make sure you have a clear answer of her feelings towards you! if she likes you, and she sees you hug her, she will be attached and have hope, and you will be a big stumbling block!
another thing, I work a lot with youth, and with suicidal youth... one of the most repeated lines is... "he showed me he loves me... when we met he gave me the sweetest hugs... and then he comes and tells me that didn't mean anything!!!"
by the way, when I looked into it, its actually regular hugs, but they were not so "healthy" up there... and they appear to be very normal... so you don't know who you are hugging and what kind of personal traumas they have been through!
my personal opinion shake the hands and you'll be better off!
neshkor Allah, akhadna el baraka!
It's a really normal thing in my school. I sometimes don't want a hug but it is really rude if i just reject it and walk away. Of course I have no feelings for them and they dont either. I accept as if it was like a high-five or something. I accept them as what Marieanne said. SuperMAN, I would actually go with a handshake but as I said earlier, its rude if I just reject it and walk away. And by the way I'm talking about like half-a-second type of hugs. GBU
Please do not complicate things. A hug is just simply a hug. I can't understand why Egyptians have to analyze it, break it down, consider the angle and position of the hug, how long the hug was for, and turn it into some love story. Just return the hug and by no means stretch out your hand for a hand shake.... that's just retarded.
With all due respect to grace and all those who agree that hugging members of the opposite sex is acceptable, I completely disagree! Yes, it may not exactly be a religious thing and more of a cultural one, but people follow it because it's self-preserving.
1. Like others mentioned, it may lead to unacceptable thoughts from either you or the person that you're hugging and this is not something that can be controlled.
2. Girls, do you really want guys to "feel" your body? This may not exactly be the best wording for what I'm trying to get at but, essentially, that's what they're doing when they hug you and it's NOT their fault.
--- Think about this: What kind of guy wants to marry a girl who's hugged his friend and allowed that friend (or anyone really) to feel the curves of her body? No decent guy would, especially Egyptians because as far as I know, they are very jealous and protective of their wives/fiancees.
3. Why a hug? A hug is a means to show affection to someone you deeply care about and if you're just giving hugs to everyone, that hug loses it's meaning and is really unnecessary!
From my own experience, guys respect girls that don't follow the crowd more than girls that do! On several occasions, a guy would try to hug me either at church and even my boss at work!! I just take a step back and extend my arm to show that there ARE boundaries but that shaking hands is acceptable.Guys respect those boundaries and because you're "harder to get at" they hold you of much higher esteem.
Yes, it's the girls responsibility to protect herself, but guys, please respect the space that girls need and don't force it. Also, don't think that just because a girl doesn't want to hug back that she doesn't want to be your friend anymore.
Marmoura99, that is not how it is at all. It's bassicly a side pat on the back sort of thing. It's not the kind of hug that you described at all. Sorry for the misconception.