Relationship Leading to Marriage?

edited June 2009 in Personal Issues
hello everyone,
I need some advice on a relationship with a girl i have recently become friends with. We are both sophomores in college and are both good Christians. we have recently gotten to know each other and we have a lot in common.. etc.. we have known each other for a little over a month now and we have been friends for about a month. I feel some "chemistry" between us as we have gotten closer and have become better friends. To be honest, I am somewhat attracted to her but i realize that personality is the most important aspect and that it should stay that way.  I really like her and i feel like she is "the one" for me and that we could be a perfect match for each other, but i dont know if she feels the same way. My purpose for this relationship is for marriage and nothing but marriage. I have also prayed about this situation many times and have asked God to help me. I dont think i am ready for marriage at the moment, but i will be graduating in 3 years so should be making a steady income soon after. I really feel like she is the perfect girl for me and I dont want her to slip away. I realize that we are only friends at the moment but i dont know what else to do. what would be the right thing for me to do?

Since this topic would most likely require first-hand experience, please keep this topic to members 18 and older. Thanks.
Please pray for me and for my weakness!


  • My first advice to you is to focus on your school work and, more importantly, your relationship with God. This is a must since you you cannot allow any distractions in your studies so that you can do well enough to achieve a decent job with a decent income. Until then, you should keep your mind focused (one step at a time). If she truly is the one, then leave it in God's hands. I have been in the same exact situation you are and I have seen many similar situations and I strongly recommend that you keep it nothing more than a friendship, keeping in mind that you do not get too attached!

    Now, you have a couple paths to take: 1) taking my advice or 2) getting into a relationship. Most people will tell you from experience that number 1, which is to focus on God, family, and studies is more important. However, I know that most people tend to choose number 2, which is not as good as number 1 for a couple reasons and has more consequences. Anyway, it is up to you to decide what path to take (keep in mind that you will be tempted) and for you to make your own decisions. It is fine to stay friends but once you begin to think/talk/interact with her more than you do God, something is wrong. Just make sure you are not losing sight of your priorities in life. There is my advice, now the ball is on your court egyboy....hope you make the right decision.

    God bless
  • thanks a lot tony, i really appreciate your advice. i think i will end up choosing the first choice. so God willing everything will turn out fine. Thanks again.
  • good advice, amoussa 01, but, egyboy, you should stay friends, don't loose her email address, just in case something happens in the future...
    a relative of mine met his future wife aged 18 (she was older by 1 year  :o ), there were various reasons why a closer relationship was not possible, so they stayed friends, and they married 3 years later! (before either of them had a job  :o )
    14 years and 2 kids later, things are fine...
  • Definitely take tony's advice! He's a wise man! Some people only learn the hard way and some learn from simple advice, hopefully you don't have to learn the hard way because its nothing but heartache in the end! Keep God on your mind and heart always and everything else will fall in place in its due time.

    God bless and Pray for me and my weakness
  • [quote author=Amoussa01 link=topic=8110.msg104117#msg104117 date=1245217812]Now, you have a couple paths to take: 1) taking my advice or 2) getting into a relationship.

    With all due respect, there is a third option that is more important than both 1) and 2): seek your spiritual adviser's counsel.

    There is no right or wrong in this situation. If you believe you will be earning a steady income in three years, it may advisable to start considering such a commitment next year. I do not know you, or her, or your emotional/psychological/spiritual state, or anything about your circumstances to say--your spiritual adviser should know enough to help you make the right determination.

    I know many of our Coptic youth who have committed to engagement in the second last or last year of their studies with the blessing of the Church. Being in a relationship blessed by the Church can very well serve as encouragement for the parties to commit to their studies knowing that the final fruition of the engagement in marriage depends on the successful completion of their studies.

    Again, you may consider the advice of others in this forum but only insofar as they give you food for thought to reflect on the situation yourself and to in turn present your reflection for your spiritual adviser's assessment and to submit it to his discernment.
  • thanks for all of the great advice! i really appreciate it. God Bless You!!
  • how can i tell if she is even somewhat interested in me? it helps to know just in case ;D
  • [quote author=egyboy link=topic=8110.msg104192#msg104192 date=1245478629]
    how can i tell if she is even somewhat interested in me? it helps to know just in case ;D

    Send her a text message - and sign it "kofta"
    If she responds and signs it "butata" then you know you're sorted.
  • hahaha thats funny QT.. not sure if thats the right approach though.
  • [quote author=egyboy link=topic=8110.msg104192#msg104192 date=1245478629]
    how can i tell if she is even somewhat interested in me? it helps to know just in case ;D

    welll, that's why this is not time to think about this. It will come kida naturally.
  • [quote author=egyboy link=topic=8110.msg104197#msg104197 date=1245521130]
    hahaha thats funny QT.. not sure if thats the right approach though.

    OK, send her a formal letter through a lawyer?

    Ask at the end: if interested, please sign and return to sender.

    What can I tell you man, you're dealing with a woman, not a bank manager.  (unless she's after your money - in which case, it wouldnt make a difference).

    Dude, chill out.

    Go and ask abouna to do all the cupid stuff.. give him your CV and ask him to pass it on.
  • if you dont mind me asking... what are the ages we're dealing with here? because I'm guessing ninteenish!
  • we will both be 19 before the year ends
  • ya habibi do you want a heartbreak?! because a relation around that age will lead to a heartbreak!

    I know what you mean when you say that you found the "perfect" girl... but put in mind your priorities... one being God and your relationship with God as mentioned before... two being school, because you cant marry a girl without your education! I fell in this trap so many times, and I became weak too many times... because I put the girl before God, and before school! but think of it like steps... step one God... and through your relationship with God you will be successful... and due to your success you will not be held back by anything to get the girl that God put in your way!

    here is something you can do... stay close friends... be bestfriends, when I talk to married couples I tell them before you are a husband/wife you need to be friends... talk to eachother be there for eachother.... go out with eachother (in your case with the church group) and if God allows you to finish your education, and she's accepting for you at that time, talk to abouna and tell him youre interested, and you want to marry her! if shes the one for you, then by then eventhough you are not in a "relationship" if she loves you she would've waited for you and you her... there is this saying they say in Egypt, "mafeesh had beygawiz merat had" (no body marries anyone's wife)

    you have a long way to go, pray that God will always be there for you, and would help both of you do the right choice!

    pray for me, and for my peace of heart
    akhadna el baraka... neshkor Allah! 
  • thanks for the advice superman. i really appreciate it. we are good friends actually so i will try to keep it that way!! thanks again and please pray for me and my weakness!
  • but what should i do if she makes the first move to bring the relationship closer? what should i do at that point?
  • [quote author=egyboy link=topic=8110.msg104222#msg104222 date=1245645255]
    but what should i do if she makes the first move to bring the relationship closer? what should i do at that point?

    i would say to just accept it. do not get away from it, but just don't give a definite answer that will just bring you to your prison.
  • I don't understand why people continue to usurp what is essentially the role and duty of the spiritual counselor.

    egyboy, I will repeat myself once, and once only: discuss this with your spiritual adviser, his answers are better than anyone else's here. The generic responses given thus far are all well and good, but specific circumstances call for specific answers and only your spiritual adviser has that necessary insight into the specifics of your life and soul to determine what is the best course of action for you.

    It is as simple as that.
  • i am so confused now!! lately we havent been talking at all and i dont know what seems to be going on.  everytime i try to talk to her she either doesnt answer or ends the conversation quickly.  i think that it may have been just a crush and thats all but im not sure anymore. any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    please pray for me and my weekness
  • if you have a crush, you have to crush your crush before your crush crushes you!!!

    I usually say this to people... imagine you would have gone farther in a relationship?! you would have been heartbroken... and believe me speaking from experience, its the most horrid feeling!

    pray to God, talk to Him, and thank Him... and focus on your girlfriend, make your relationship with God, like that of a girl... instead of calling a girl, call God... instead of thinking of her, think of God!

    akhadna el baraka... neshkor Allah!
  • thanks for your advice. but just to clear things up, she is not my girlfriend. we were friends and thats all, but it seems that lately we arent even friends anymore.
  • to clear things on my side also... when i say take care of your girlfriend... when someone usually asks me if I'm dating... I say "yes" most of the time... because I'm dating the church... instead of wasting my time with a human, I like to make it beneficial with God!
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