when she really gets made at me...what should i tell her.

Heathermick123

Okay here is the story. There was this hard exam that i had, and before the exam for a few day, my friend told me to let her see my answers. She wants to cheat of my paper. Forgive me, but i was not strong enough to tell her no so, i said okay. I know that it is a sin; therefore, during the exam i did not give her any answers. I think she did really bad cuz she did not study. During the exam she was doing all kinds of stuff to get my attention so that i would give her answers but i did not...now when she gets mad at me what should i tell her. How shoule i explain to her that according to my church, cheating is wrong. Please help me i really need ur advice. when she tells me that i am selfish and only care about myself, what should i say.

Severus

As I understand, she is not Coptic, then?

When she calls you selfish, you should respond by saying that you did not want to sin. In reality, it was she that was selfish, but we would not want to tell her that...

Offer to help her study the next time so that she does not do so bad.

ilovesaintmark

Great words from Severus!

She is probably not your friend, if she asked you to carry out this act--whether or not she were Coptic.

I have often told people to easily throw around the term:  "friend".  Be choice in your practice for its use.

Did you (or her) consider the consequences if you were caught?

Depending on the level, it could well have been grounds for expulsion.

minatasgeel

[quote author=Godblessu link=topic=6455.msg85240#msg85240 date=1207600329]
Okay here is the story. There was this hard exam that i had, and before the exam for a few day, my friend told me to let her see my answers. She wants to cheat of my paper. Forgive me, but i was not strong enough to tell her no so, i said okay. I know that it is a sin; therefore, during the exam i did not give her any answers. I think she did really bad cuz she did not study. During the exam she was doing all kinds of stuff to get my attention so that i would give her answers but i did not...now when she gets mad at me what should i tell her. How shoule i explain to her that according to my church, cheating is wrong. Please help me i really need ur advice. when she tells me that i am selfish and only care about myself, what should i say.


first, i don't think she'll get mad because you did what's right, if she's really your freind.
second, she wont except if you one time ask her for the answers to, which am sure she'll do the same to you.
third, if she actually gets mad, don't use church talk since she's not from the church. cheating is a general case on people in general not considering religions. so deal with it with logic and reality instead of religion. religion is for you to judge yourself...

ilovesaintmark

religion is for you to judge yourself...

I like that statement.  Profound!

Unknown

If all she is going to do is benefit from getting the answers from you, (like it or not) she's using you, and that's not what true friends are typically like. Honestly you shouldn't be worried if she gets mad at you, true friends don't let each other copy (yes it's true believe it or not)

Forever,
Coptic Servent

Heathermick123

but what should i tell her...i am thinking about telling her that "in my church cheathing is wrong and that you were forcing me to do something that i believe is wrong"...what do u think? what if she never talks to me again. Will i be able to take the Holy communion, or do i have to talk to her and solve things out. 

Unknown

I don't think you should be like in my church cheating isn't right and all of that, typical teens take that as nothing, (sorry to be mean, but from my perspective I tried saying that before, people called me a wuss, so I wouldn't think you should say that, I think you should say God said forgive and forget if she does get mad at you anyway, maybe she will have her conscience over her and all the guilt is starting to appear upon her, leave it up to God!!

Forever,
coptic servent

jydeacon

you did nothing wrong for you not to be able to take communion, if your "friend" got upset it was not your fault but hers. If you committed no sin, and because you chose not to commit a sin, God will not tell you, noo you cannot take communion because you "upset" her. If she never talks to you again you will probably be better off. Try to make close friends at church who know what you are going through and not from school(not that they are bad people or anything) but it will be easier for you to stay friends with someone from church. If she really does get upset, then she is not your friend and does not diserve your friendship as all others have already said. keep religion out of this for the sake of just talking to her. She will not understand, nor will she care that our church says not to cheat. She will see that you let her down. When in reality you didn't

coptic pharoah

how about u ask Abouna ?... or ur FoC?...

minatasgeel

[quote author=Godblessu link=topic=6455.msg85254#msg85254 date=1207611291]
but what should i tell her...i am thinking about telling her that "in my church cheathing is wrong and that you were forcing me to do something that i believe is wrong"...what do u think? what if she never talks to me again. Will i be able to take the Holy communion, or do i have to talk to her and solve things out. 


ya habibi....is she of your church??!!! NO, than your words about YOUR church to HER means NOTHING.
you talk to people in the way they understand so you can get your point across. (this is a life lesson to be kept).

if you think you have done somthing wrong, than yes it's a sin, go confess....that's if YOU think.
as it looks here, you have not done anything wrong. than why worry??!!!

Severus

As I said before, it is in your hands to resolve the problem for good. Offer to teach her good study habits and study together, and you will be a TRUE friend to her in that you gave her the keys to success.

Heathermick123

what should i tell her as an explanation to why i did so.

kokiie

Well you could say all kinds of things... If you guys had exactly the same answers, then don't you think you'd get caught.?

Or you could say that it won't help her if she gets good marks in this one exam, and learns nothing.

Make sure you apologise for telling her you would let her copy and then not doing soo.. but you didn't think it was the right thing to do.

etc...

Everyone else is right.. If you bring a church that she knows nothing about into the equation, it will probably make things worse and make her dislike the church. When someone is emotional, try to meet them halfway - tell them the truth in a kind of way that they will be willing to accept..

Rabena ma3aky. Let us know how it goes....

joeg

Look Godblessu,

"To everything there is a season. A time and purpose under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Now is the time to be firm, with your friend. I now it may be difficult, but as people above have said, she is not really your friend. It is clear that you want to hang on to her as a friend though; that is fine as long as you feel she doesn't lead you into cheating or other sins you know are wrong. Be firm with her - tell her the truth. Hizz_chiilld made an excellent point - tell her the truth about the possibilities in a way that are you are sure she understands. But if she refuses to accept your explanation, there are two options. Either it's a teenage girl grudge, that lasts for about a week, or you take the initiative and leave your "friend" behind. If you have been completely truthful, and explained your reasons well, and she refuses to accept, the fault is with her, not you.

joe

mannan

Btw people who cheat make better grades than you cuz they use most of your knowledge and their knowledge and that way they are the winners. I think this is off topic. But its just advice.

sese71394

well I think that you should have told her from the beginning that you weren't going to let her cheat of off your paper, because she depended on you for the answers and she probably didn't study so you failed her.
I am not saying that what you did was wrong, it is the right thing but you should have told her before.

Hezekiel

I agree with Sese. I might add, you failed her big time and not the other way round.You can not simply promise people that you are there for them, and then ignore them. In your attempt to avoid doing wrong, you commited another wrong.The end product was not right.Now, she is going to be much more disappointed in you, because you precisely let her down in her hour of need,by failing to fulfil your promise. In her view,and rightly so,you might have broken your word and she might call it a breach of trust and I think I would too.

I also disagree with the notion,- just because she asked for your help during an exam,- as some folks suggested earlier,that she was never your friend all along.But whose friends are perfect? Remember that she might really not have thought that cheating during an exam was a serious offense. She might have not thought any further and the potential risk that it might entail should she be caught in the act.You had the chance to tell her. One or 2 shortcomings that we see in our friends is not a measuring stick about their person.That is valid for all of us.For all we know, she might have qualities that makes you call her a trusted friend. It is very possible that she or you or any body else for that matter,may have some misguided views on certain matters.But hey, we are imperfect humans.

Finally, I feel it is you who should now do the aplogising and not her.As far as she is concerned, she did nothing wrong, because you never explained to her that you have problems with cheating during exams .After you are through with that, make it clear to her about things that bother you and try to save what is left of your friendship.

PS: As to your question what to tell her, tell her exactly the reason you had in mind, however mad she gets. Honesty is the best policy.It is tough,but it stands.

clay

I agree half-heartedly with Hezekiel, but it is folly for her to rely on cheating to get her grades. It is pathetic. She should have studied anyway- who puts all her eggs on one basket. I think it would have been unfair for her to believe that since she had permission to cheat from you, that she can just relax and use your efforts.