It is a he?

gamalsal439

hey everybody, i really need advice, and i'm also extremely emberassed sharing this, but i need to let this out. alright, so i have been seeing this girl(she is syrian catholic btw) for about 2 yrs(we're both our 4th in university) and its all good and i thought i loved her, until last week when we went out for dinner. we were pretty much talking about the future and marrigage, then she told me if we were going to go forward, she is going to have to reveal her "secret" to me and the secret was that she had a sex-change operation when she was 18, CAN YOU BELIEVE THat, i mean i never would have known, what should i do cuz i still care about her/him.

Severus

Yes, 'it' is a he. Going against God's will does not change what he actually is.

Is he even close to the church, by the way?

gamalsal439

well she/he always went on sundays and i even toke her to my church a couple times,(yet i dont think it is a good idea anymore cuz you know)

jydeacon

Its obvious its a sin, its a man. That therefore would make any relations you have with this person an abomination. This person is not a women in any true sense except physically. How can you not be disgusted by this?

Severus

Indeed, an excellent question.

Just be up-front about it. Point out that it's not natural, not a good thing, and a sin after all. Conclude by saying that the relationship will not work out.

From there, I would avoid all contact with the person.

gamalsal439

dont get me wrong i do find it distasteful but what i'm asking is what should i do spritual wise, i mean think about it, for 2 years i treated this man like woman, i had womanly thought of this person, this totally got me offguared, you know wut i mean?

Severus

I completely understand. From a spiritual point of view, see above. I would also go have a meeting with Abouna, explain the situation, and see what he has to say about it.

It may be hard, but you must move on!

I can not believe that this is allowed in his church. Or perhaps it was a behind-the-priest deal?

PopeKyrillos

It's not like it's a sin on your behalf. Come on, you didn't know. This person could have ruined your life. Imagine if he never told you that he was a man and you two legally got married in the church. That literally would have been the end of the world for you. I think it's a heavenly command that you leave this person and just not ever deal with him again. I don't know what you mean by "what should I do spiritual wise". Isn't it pretty obvious?

     I would probably recommend that you find someone else your interested in. This will take your mind off him. If you were in enough disgust by this, you would have probably murdered him. On a more realistic path, you would at least have stopped "liking" him.

gamalsal439

[quote author=PopeKyrillos link=topic=6440.msg85073#msg85073 date=1207261356]


     I would probably recommend that you find someone else your interested in. This will take your mind off him. If you were in enough disgust by this, you would have probably murdered him. On a more realistic path, you would at least have stopped "liking" him.




lol  no i would never murder, nor do i hate him, i just do not understand why he kept it a secret for 2yrs, also i introduced him to my parents last yr and they both like him, do u think i should tell my parents?

PopeKyrillos

I also agree with Severus, you for sure got to talk to abouna.

Severus

Yes, tell your parents. They need to know what went down. They can help you to keep away from the person. And #1 on the list to talk to is Abouna, please!

PopeKyrillos

Umm, I don't think it's a good idea telling your parents. Why, I don't know. I just think it's better to not tell them. On the contrary, I think telling Abouna is a much better idea.

Severus

What is wrong with telling his parents? They will wonder what happened to his friend, etc. Might as well tell them and be done.

jydeacon

Well i'm sure they are gonna ask how he is and want to know what happened between you two and why you aren't going out anymore, especially since you thought of marriage with this person. So i think you should tell your parents and YOU MUST talk to abouna about this. And as Severus said, cut all contact with this person completely, what they did to you is awful, now i'm not saying hate this person and don't forgive him, but i mean unhonestly, you don't want to be associated with this kind of person later in life

gamalsal439

thanx guys i might tell my parents, but i'll for sure tell abouna first

PopeKyrillos

Don't get me wrong,
I was in no way trying to tell you to hate him and not forgive him when I said I would have murdered him. That was just a joke.

Severus

[quote author=gamalsal439 link=topic=6440.msg85080#msg85080 date=1207262348]
thanx guys i might tell my parents, but i'll for sure tell abouna first


Excellent, that was the best descision you could have made :)

gamalsal439

[quote author=PopeKyrillos link=topic=6440.msg85081#msg85081 date=1207262432]
Don't get me wrong,
I was in no way trying to tell you to hate him and not forgive him when I said I would have murdered him. That was just a joke.


lol i know u were joking popekyrillos, which i why i typed"lol"

gamalsal439

ya guys i'm one step closer, right now i just called "her" and said told "her" that is over, yet it was very intense, because he was yelling and saying that ove is about more then just sex and i told him that love doesnt exist if it's not a man and woman, and he pretty much called me shallow and finally hung up(thank God),  i still fell bad i hurt his feelings, oh well

Severus

Wonderful update man. Now, talk to Abouna and get the whole thing over with ;)

grace08

This person is extremely selfish to have kept such an important thing from you for so long.
Love is based on honesty not lies.  It is going to be difficult to make sense of it all but I hope that God will help you move on.  You must completely disconnect from this person.

gamalsal439

wow i just told my parents what happened, and they now think i'm a homosexual, i even heard them talk about sending me to a psychologist, i tried telling them that i did not know she was a man but they just ignour me, wowww

Severus

Time to talk to Abouna, I thought you were going to talk to him first?

ilovesaintmark

Are you sure of the details?  This does not follow the usual course.  What country are you writing from?  Procedurally, the process is long.  It requires psychological analysis, hormone injections, and then the actual surgery.  It does not seem like the time sequence is there, although possible.

Also one has to appreciate that there are anatomical hermaphrodites, it may be this person decided to pick one of the two genders.

In any case (OR SCENARIO), this is a bizarre situation.

STAY AWAY.  STAY AWAY.  STAY AWAY.

gamalsal439

[quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=6440.msg85129#msg85129 date=1207340916]
Are you sure of the details?  This does not follow the usual course.  What country are you writing from?  Procedurally, the process is long.  It requires psychological analysis, hormone injections, and then the actual surgery.  It does not seem like the time sequence is there, although possible.



yes i'm from holland, and yes i just talked to abouna today and he told me and my parents that since my intentions werent sinful it shouldnt be my burden

kokiie

THIS IS TOTALLY SCARYYY !!!

I mean I saw this kind of stuff happen on TV, and the only reason it made it to TV is because it's SO BIZZARE!

Oh my GOODNESS ! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Okai. I don't have much advice to offer... except maybe don't think about it too much?

I feel for you.. eew.

Just pray and pray and PRAYY before you go into any other relationships. Stay close to God and seek His will.

God Bless..

coptic pharoah

well.. u have to tell ur parents... they wont get mad at u(they shouldn't) cause it wasn't ur fau;t