Since my days as a youth there has been one sin that I have never been able to shake. I'll got through long stretches of not committing it, then all of a sudden BOOM, I'll say to myself just this once, and then it spirals out of control. Usually this will happen on a day or week when work has been very hard.
My amazing wife is always by my side, and helps me get back to the "good side". My FOC knows about this. And tells me to pray about it. I do. I pray every night that God give me the strength to fight this. But sometimes, as I'm commiting this sin, I know I shouldn't be so I justify it by saying oh I'll just pray about it when I'm done. Terrible i know. God help me I try. but sometimes i just get so weak.
And then I get mad. Mad at myself for letting it happen, and then Mad at God for not stopping me. I'll get so upset, instead of doing my "normal prayers" I'll just say Our Father, on really bad days I just won't pray at all.
I know I'm a bad person for being like this, but how can I beat this sin so it never comes back? please help me. Maybe some of you are closer to God than I (actually I'm sure of it) please pray for me. Where can I turn, when praying alone just doesn't seem to make it stop completely. I mean i do have stretches where I've "beaten it" but it ALWAYS comes back.
Thank you for your help,