Can't handle grief....!!!

edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hey guys.....
This is not my favorite subject to talk about because I am having a hard time with it.
So, I realy need help....
I went through my first death in the family back in August...! He was and still is very close to my heart, I loved him like my dad! His yearly memorial is in 3 months...!
Since last august... I haven't recovered from his death!
I am a believer that things do happen for a reason, and God's wisdom is unquestionable and byound any Human Knowledge! and he does things for the best of interest for us.. and also, no one takes more than what it is written for him/her.
But i can't get over his death, I haven't taken what is inside of me out because I have to be strong for my mom... (She is his sister).
Everytime I remember memories, look back at family photos, watch family videos I alawys find myself crying.......
I realy want to get over my uncle's death, but i can't, I have TRIED..... and I couldn't!
Pray for me, and pray that god may rest his soul


  • Hi Bentbabayasooa
    I will try my best to help you as much as I can
    Bentbabayasooa, first thing to tell you is that you don't have to go over the death of your uncle.  Bentbabayasooa, your uncle didn't die, he just departed, he departed to a better place, and he feels you.  One day you will meet him again and be happy for the rest of your life.  Believe me, if you put in your heart that your uncle just departed and that he is in a better place and that his is much happier than anyone of us because he is with the lord.

    I hope i helped,

  • one thing i can tell u is that its good to think of him...i lost my father about 6 yaers took me 5 years to come over it....but thats another storry....
    as long as u think of him he will be ur heart....dont look into the past...there is nothing u can take...look in the future...there u will find answers....
    thats something someone told me on the funural of my father....first i didnt understand, but it gave me a really good feeling when he said this...hope u will find ur answer soon....
    and what baladoos said is right...he is with our lord jesus christ...
    to cry is not bad....its good...that means that u pull out ur feelings which are inside u....always remeber him in ur thoughts, in church,....
    god is with u
    pray for me

  • Dear bentbabayassou',
    I think you should take both of these pieces of advice, and put them together, working them for the best for yourself. Like baladoos said: think of your uncle as having departed only and that one day, not only yourself, or myself, but all of us, will go and meet him in Heaven in God's grace. Second, don't stop yourself looking at photos, or videos, but like aripsalin said, don't dwell too long in the past. There is nothing you can do about it now. Memories are alright, but just don't get carried away thinking about the past. Again, like aripsalin said, only TIME will heal up the suffering; any kind of suffering.
    God bless you and mention me in your prayers
  • its ok to be sa and to miss himm.. but since when did death become the worst thing in the world?? your uncle has gone to Jesus.. He's done! he finished what he's been sen to do.. lucky him. look forward to the day that you too will be with our lord..
  • Dear bentBABAyasooa,

    To mourn someone you loved and who brought joy to your life and the lives of others is only natural; you miss him. But I am sure that he would not want to have brought sorrow into your life, and would not like to see you in sorrow now, so do what he would have wanted - remember him with the smiles he brought you; pay him the tribute of continuing his work of bringing light into the lives of others; you can do that in memory of him.

    His labours here are done, he reposes in peace, he is at rest now with His Lord, and he waits for you to join him one day. So do not be too sad - he has the reward of the just - and the knowledge that you, and his others relations, keep him in your hearts and memories with joy; find that joy again, and express it for him - and your mother, who will need your strength when the anniversary comes.

    I lost my own father when I was twenty-one, and that was thirty years ago; there is not a day when he is not in my thoughts in some way; but we pay the greatest tribute to the reposed when he carry on their work and try to pass on some of the joy they brought to our own life.

    My prayers are with you, and your family,

    In Christ, who heals all,

  • Dear bentBABAyasooa,

    I have a story for you; it is a true story.

    There was this lady who had a brother named Ryan. Ryan died of Leukemia when he was young. This lady eventually got older, married, and had a child. She named her son Ryan, after her beloved Brother.
    When young Ryan was young, he also was diagnosed with Leukemia. The Lady was devastated. She was so sad; she feared that she would lose her son just as she had lost her brother. One day in the hospital, after the doctors had checked on young Ryan, one doctor came out to talk to the lady and her husband. He had nothing but bad news. He informed the worried parents that because Ryan had a tumor next to his trachea, it would be impossible to operate without causing more damage and unnecessary pain. The lady, understandably grieved beyond words, went to see her son. She looked at him while he slept and wondered silently if this was the poor boy's final night on earth. The next time he went to sleep, she pondered sadly, it might be forever. Without any incentive, not even knowing what she was saying, she knelt down next to her son, and prayed that God would send angels to the four corners of the room to protect Ryan. She didn't even know why she asked for that in particular; she continued in prayer the entire night until she fell asleep. When she was asleep, the boy awoke to find the four corners of his room adorned with strange, bright lights. An angel appeared to him and gave him a message.
    The next morning, as the doctors went to check in on Ryan, expecting only a worsening condition, nothing was found. Ryan didn't even have a fever. He didn't have a scratch on him. The mystified doctors took x-rays and CT scans only to find that the tumor had disappeared.
    After all the celebration and joyous chatter that filled the hospital that day, The Lady sat down with Ryan on the hospital bed, just glad to be next to her son, feeling his breath on her arm. Suddenly the boy jumped up, as if forgetting something. "Oh mom, the weirdest thing happened last night," he exclaimed, unable to contain himself. "I woke up and I saw the four corners of the ceiling lighting up." "then," he continued, teeming with excitement, "an angel came and told me to tell you that uncle Ryan says hi."
  • Thank you all for your kind words.

    EpNomos EnTaio, I love your story!

    This experience I am trying to handle is fading as time passes by; however, one small memory can bring up the whole experience all over againe.

    My uncle died because he had Kidney Failure, Diabetes, High blood pressure, High Cholesterol, Heart disease, and Lung problem.
    My mom (being his sister) because of her grief.... she got High sugar in her blood (Diabetic) and High blood pressure, and now she is complaning about her kidney!
    I have tried to mis interpret what the doc is saying... so she won't put it in her head! that since her brother had all of those and passed away.... ....
    I just don't want her to relate that to her. 

    I don't know what to do here.....!!
    Advice is appreciated!

    pray for me,
  • Dear bentbabayasoo',
    From your words I can understand that your mother is oblivious to what might happen to her, and she thinks she will die as her brother has, since he had all of these conditions. Well, that is not true. Diseases have varying degrees of intensity and severity, and it doesn't mean that if someone has x and y, he would have the same fate as someone else who had the same x and y. Our bodies are different, even when we are brothers and sisters. Genetic component is different, let alone that she is a woman, and he is a man. In any case, I think you should always convince your mom to do her best to control her diet, and to ward off any nervousness, and to take care of herself. Remember, it is a Biblical advice that we should take care of our bodies, as they are talents given to us by God, and He will judge us on that. Ignoring our bodies' needs, and in a way expecting death is wrong, and it might be one sign of depression and suicide. I am not saying that your mother is essentially depressed, but ask her to be careful for herself, because this would be serious, and affect her physical state as well. God bless you and mention me in your prayers
  • bas i don't want anything bad to happen to her.
    The 1st year of khalo's memory will be in a couple of months, and to be honest it is tearing me a part.
    I have never told him i love you! eventhough i knew he did love me.

    The doctor exactly said that it won't matter what other members of the family had in their medical life, because life differ because of the society, Enviroment, time and place.
    But she doesn't understand that!!!

    Pray for her,
  • hey, im sorry about everything, and i know what your going through, but dont worry..

    i think you should go to your mom, and just hug her and say dont worry... and tell her a few stuff. she'll feel alot better and she will be in comfort and she'll be happy hearing that from you....
  • You have no idea, how much her Smile and laugh and her inner peace means to me.
    And, I do my best to get her out of the sickness she is in.

  • U shouldn't be weeping for ur uncle. I don't mean like don't cry and don't love him, but cry out of joy and gladness because he went to a better place. And one day u would meet him once again and be with him for eternal life. Yes i will pray for God to give u strength, but don't let it be ur life. if u remember him think about the good times u had.just remember the times he made u laugh, and remember the times he made u cry.but don't let him be ur life, let God control ur life and u will be satisfied. Hope i helped.
  • Thank you all for your kinds words...

    Pray for his wife and kids.... and for everyone who loves him...
    His first sanawaya is in 24 days,

    Pray to god for those who will grief over him all over again...

    Pray for me,
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