boy problems.. i reaaly need all of ur help!!!!!!

egy
edited March 2007 in Personal Issues
this is kind of a confusing question, what if u like this guy from church and he likes you. You start talking to him online, he tells u that he loves you, what r u supposed to do?  he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only. he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not. I really did like him in the begginning, but then i found some really bad things abouit his family and about himself. My dad knows him and he told me not to talk to him [my dad did not know that i was talking to him online], anyways, i know that he still likes me, but i dont like him, i dont even want to be his friend nomore because he told me stuff that i did not like about him. I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore. i think he is a player first of all, he told me he has many girlfriends. i feel guilty talking to him in the first place, but i want to tell him the truth without being mean.

i really need ur help, thanks


sry this is so long
«1

Comments

  • Hi there,
    Well, I really admire the way that you described your situation, and that you were very mature like this.  Well in my own opinion you have tried to stop him many times but he didn't wana stop.  You can just go to abouna in your church and tell him about this guy and what he is doing and abouna will know really well how to stop him in secrety.  If you don't feel comfortable with this solution, then you can just tell this guy that he is not one of your friends and that you don't even want his friendship.  I know that this might sound very rude, but really this is the only solution if he doesn't wana stop annoying you.

    I hope I helped

    take care

    Baladoos
  • Hey there
    i agree with Baladoos about goin 2 abouna bcuz he will help u alot
    and u should tell abouna(if u go 2 him) 2 maybe talk wid him and his parents
    i hope i helped
    God bless
  • heyy well i see what youre going through because i've gone through the same thing b4 and the thing to do is not to tell him to stop...its to completely ignore him. you might be thinking "well i still kinda like him idk if i want to just stop talking to him" but if you really want him to understand that you are not his girlfriend and that you do not want to talk to him just dont talk to him for a while and he should back off and if he doesnt then i think you have a psycho on your hands lol jk so if he ends up backing off and and then maybe you want to talk to him cuz you think he's more mature then talk to him but just set him straight to begin with so that you two can be friends without this whole "girlfriend" issue

    Glad to help you
    God Bless You
  • This is quite serious, and it can escilate. A close friend had a similar problem.

    Tell your FOC ASAP.
  • welll........i agree with katz903, ignore him....like block him on msn or even better delete him and dont give him that attention he yearns...dont feel bad coz u spoke to him.....the closer you get to someone the more you learn about them ie. personlaity and attitude........im sure your intention ws good.........all you wanted was someone to chat to and to form a friendship......he's acting like a fool...........so dont waste your precious time on him............by cutting him out of your life he'll soon enough wake up to himself....in the mean time yeer seek guidance off FOC

    God bless and take care

    btw your a strong gal egy especially wen u have christ by your side
  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    I'm not sure why exactly one needs to go see their FoC in a matter like this.  This is not an issue of two people interested in each other, who wish to pursue a relationship that will potentially lead to marriage.  No spiritual guidance is needed here.  What needs to be done is simple.  Ignore this person by all means possible. 

    Please pray for me.
  • [quote author=egy link=topic=5109.msg68730#msg68730 date=1174099088]
    this is kind of a confusing question, what if u like this guy from church and he likes you. You start talking to him online, he tells u that he loves you, what r u supposed to do?  he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only. he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not. I really did like him in the begginning, but then i found some really bad things abouit his family and about himself. My dad knows him and he told me not to talk to him [my dad did not know that i was talking to him online], anyways, i know that he still likes me, but i dont like him, i dont even want to be his friend nomore because he told me stuff that i did not like about him. I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore. i think he is a player first of all, he told me he has many girlfriends. i feel guilty talking to him in the first place, but i want to tell him the truth without being mean.

    i really need ur help, thanks


    sry this is so long


    THat's a good question. How to tell someone the truth without being mean.

    No matter how old u get, its always an issue.

    I just wish to leave u with ONE small piece of advice that hopefully will help u.

    God said "Love your neighbour as you love yourself". He didnt' say "love him MORE than yourself".

    If you, being his friend, are suffering as a result of it, and u are his friend just to be considered ONE of his many wives (lol), then tell him that in your own words. Tell him how low he makes you feel.


  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    u are his friend just to be considered ONE of his many wives (lol),

    Sorry bro, but what do you mean by this?
  • well... i think that you should talk to him online telling him that you dont want  to go out or anything like that... that you guys would just be friends... and you dont want to do anything wrong to God.... And that it might ruin or make your future different in a way (well keep that to ur self) lol ...he might respect that...
  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    i think that you should talk to him online telling him that you dont want  to go out or anything like that... that you guys would just be friends

    She has already tried this and the boy is not taking the hint.  As such, she should cut off all communications with this person.  He does not seem to respect her wishes and so she should not make any attempts at communicating with this person.
  • hi
    my advice
    be straight forward. stern and strict. no laughing and simling about the  idea when telling him the RIGHT THING
    and that IS..... there is no love at this age no none stick to being friends and brothers and sisters. yes love each other as neighbours and concentrate ur heart in loving God with all ur desire and passion. tuck those thoughts and desire of the so called 'love' as temptation and straying away rather reserve them till the time is right and appropiate. and the belssing of God will be there.


    if he continues to be an ediate then tell ur DAD to talk to him/family and make it a matter of the adults to solve it.

    have nothing to do withhim online or at church.ignore him and concentrate on God. there is no hurting anyones feeling. his feeling should not be there in the first place they are going to be trampled on becuase this 'boy' is putting  them in the wrong place
    doint have any sympathy for himat all
    fools tot he is.....may God lead him and u to better judgment and wisdom.
  • [quote author=Κηφᾶς link=topic=5109.msg69195#msg69195 date=1175267813]
    [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    I'm not sure why exactly one needs to go see their FoC in a matter like this.  This is not an issue of two people interested in each other, who wish to pursue a relationship that will potentially lead to marriage.  No spiritual guidance is needed here.  What needs to be done is simple.  Ignore this person by all means possible. 


    ones FOC is more than just a spiritual adviser..........if you feel comforable talking to him and disclosing problems such as these then why not........although ppl tend to over rely on priests and dont take initiative themselves to attempt to resolve the issue........i believe a priest is more than just someone who provides spiritual guidance and whom you go to confess your sins but this depends on the relationship you have with your FOC

    Human beings by nature require comfort and wise counseling, and the need to speak to someone regarding problems or worries. They feel the need to have someone share their joys as well as their sorrows, and this is especially so when disclosing sensitive issues to a person who is a  priest, a confession father, a teacher, or a guardian; one who keeps secrets, and has a nurturing nature.





  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    Kerestina,

    I have always viewed the FoC as primarily the person one turns to for spiritual advice.  If a person is comfortable confiding in their FoC in other matters, that is up to them.  But it is as you say,

    although ppl tend to over rely on priests and dont take initiative themselves to attempt to resolve the issue

    This is the issue I'm concerned about.  Often people are afraid to think for themselves and as such run to their FoC for anything and everything.  God did create us with a mind of our own, to think for ourselves.  We also have parents and friends who can advise us as well.  That is all I meant in my post. 

    Please pray for me.
  • Look, you must understand that for this guy, your probably only a number to him. Something that he can use to show off infront of his mates.

    This is known as the OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMMEN!...
    .. he is playing on your emotions to make u feel like u like him..

    I don't meen to jump the gun, but seriously, there is no place for friendship with lust....!

    Tell this guy to get lost!.. he thinks he's some hero that can get what he wants..

    If you don't stop this now, it can have dire consequences in the future..God Forbid!

    God Bless,
    Fadi
  • OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.

    Her problem was "how can she put him down without being mean". Right!?

    So, she ALREADY agrees in her heart that the relationship is not good.

    Listen, dear, here's what u should do. Now: Remember where Christ said :"if your right hand makes u sin, cut it away from you?" Well.. this isn't your hand, it if he makes you sin, CUT IT. But using the word "Cut it" - Our Lord didn't say "tame it" , or "discipline it", or "pray for it". He said "CUT IT". Now, if he makes u stumble, you can be as harsh as necessary. You want an example:

    A princess INSISTED to see Father Arsenious in the monastery. He refused her many times. SHe went anyway... when she saw him , she threw herself at his feet and said "Father, Father! Pray for me". THe abbot looked at her and said "Pray for you? You stupid woman, I PRAY THAT GOD REMOVES THE IMAGE OF YOU FROM MY HEAD! What are u doing here!? Its a monastery with monks! Please leave!!".

    Now.... this is a HUGE lesson!! He was kind of aggressive towards her.. at first, we think "well.. that's mean!" - that's not very "christian like"... but you know what ? This "cutting off" a bad relationship for him. We ALL have difficulty in being mean, and we suffer so much because we never had this in us to just "cut off" a bad relationship.

    Many people think that this story of Fr.Arsenious is not a good one. because its "wrong" to be mean.. but not really.
  • well i cannot say that we havent experienced something similar..but trust me habebpty.. do not tlk to him. i know its hard. but as someone said before.. avoiding him is the number one thing to do.. it it putting your words into actions. also, this way, he will forget about u also and things will enshanla run smoothly. if after a while, this did not work, you will unfortunately have to tell him of your feelings and stand your ground.
  • [quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69253#msg69253 date=1175476476]
    OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.


    and you have.......lol not even now..........

    the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?

    well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
    - ignore him
    - ignore by all means
    - delete him off msn and disregard him totally
    -she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
    -actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
    -tell him how he makes you feel 
    -tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
    -be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
    -keep him in ur prayers
    -tell the guy to get lost
    -cut him off
    -stand your ground
    -dont talk to him
    now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him

    anyways back to your question egy………..not all people can confront guys or gals straight up and say back up off me im not interested in you and thus yiu need to show how u feel thru ur actions……….its good that uve tried to voice it out to him on msn now show him u mean it as I know u do……….u know can do it gurl……….
  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    [quote author=kerestina link=topic=5109.msg69259#msg69259 date=1175521943]
    [quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69253#msg69253 date=1175476476]
    OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.


    and you have.......lol not even now..........

    the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?

    well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
    - ignore him
    - ignore by all means
    - delete him off msn and disregard him totally
    -she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
    -actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
    -tell him how he makes you feel 
    -tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
    -be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
    -keep him in ur prayers
    -tell the guy to get lost
    -cut him off
    -stand your ground
    -dont talk to him
    now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him


    Amen!
  • No, it doesnt answer the question. The question was how to answer such a person without being mean.

    Listen, your answer was good Kerestina,  but it was lacking in something.....

    EGY: Listen, i think i can safely speak for everyone here when I say, that if u ended up, after ALL this advice, to marry this person, we'd be very disappointed and surprised to say the least.

    [quote author=kerestina link=topic=5109.msg69259#msg69259 date=1175521943]
    [quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69253#msg69253 date=1175476476]
    OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.


    and you have.......lol not even now..........

    the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?

    well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
    - ignore him
    - ignore by all means
    - delete him off msn and disregard him totally
    -she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
    -actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
    -tell him how he makes you feel 
    -tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
    -be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
    -keep him in ur prayers
    -tell the guy to get lost
    -cut him off
    -stand your ground
    -dont talk to him
    now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him

    anyways back to your question egy………..not all people can confront guys or gals straight up and say back up off me im not interested in you and thus yiu need to show how u feel thru ur actions……….its good that uve tried to voice it out to him on msn now show him u mean it as I know u do……….u know can do it gurl……….
  • firstly, what was it lacking?? and where are you egy???

    and secondly, not all ppl can actually confront someone no matter if the approach is mean or nice........i understand the question; how can one who is quite sincere contructively telll someone they are not interested in to back off without offending or upsetting them????............if you cant say it, show it through your actions

    and thirldy, what did you say u see as the answer???
  • [quote author=kerestina link=topic=5109.msg69290#msg69290 date=1175607054]
    firstly, what was it lacking?? and where are you egy???

    and secondly, not all ppl can actually confront someone no matter if the approach is mean or nice........i understand the question; how can one who is quite sincere contructively telll someone they are not interested in to back off without offending or upsetting them????............if you cant say it, show it through your actions

    and thirldy, what did you say u see as the answer???


    I was just saying one small thing. Her problem was how to tell someone something harsh, without being mean. I see the answer as: If anyone (ANYONE) makes u sin, causes u to stumble: BE MEAN! Its as if the Church gives u the green light.... BE MEAN!

    This girl wanted to seduce a guy i know... he slapped her. Anyway, she insisted, and he left her.... i mean.. slapping isnt "nice".. its mean. U don't have to be 'nice'...

    You cannot please men an God (Saint Paul said so)...

    Im glad  though u asked this question cos it makes me think too ... i should do the same!!
    God bless
  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    There are always two ways to deal with a situation: a civil way and the 'mean' way.  In almost all cases, it is not necessary to be mean at all.  In this case in particular, if she just ignores the person, and simply refuses to acknowledge his existence, that action alone would speak volumes.  Unless you are an inherently mean person, then you would feel the need to lash out, insult or strike a person.  There is never a valid reason to be mean.

    Please pray for me.
  • Well, i think our definition of "being mean" is different. Im not suggesting that she kills the man, im suggesting too that by ignoring him, but not talking to him IS mean.

    Its rude! Isnt it ?

    Furthermore, what im suggesting is even LESS mean actually than what u are proposing: Im suggesting that she goes up to him and tells him politely (BUT FIRMLY) to not call her again.
    THat's more civilised and less mean than ignoring her.

    Your way is very mean... and annoying... the guy will just come back and think she's playing hard to get.
  • although your method sounds conviving..from experience and from the advice of sundayschool teachers, the best thing to adopt in this PARTICULAR situation is a hi-bye relationship. no meanness to it..just preservation. 
  • [quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69293#msg69293 date=1175609180]

    I was just saying one small thing. Her problem was how to tell someone something harsh, without being mean. I see the answer as: If anyone (ANYONE) makes u sin, causes u to stumble: BE MEAN! Its as if the Church gives u the green light.... BE MEAN!



    i understand what you mean and i dont think using the word "mean" correctly portrays your point.........its about being open and honest in a constructive NOT destructove manner.......i agree it is always best to front ppl up on certain issues BUT the thing is not all ppl are confident in speaking openly face to face............and here is where i agree with Κηφᾶς, if one is not comfortable in confronting someone openly in person than actions would be the second alternative becoz it does carry weight and send the message.........girls naturally are concerned beings, guys too but girls more so and the fear is using the correct wording so as to not offend or upset them and be seen as "mean" which does have a negative connotation..........me personally.......i dont see how ignoring them and giving them a declined amount of interest is mean.....perhaps not ignore per se but slowly distancing yourself till they realise......."hey im a fool, plz forgive"

    [quote author=Κηφᾶς link=topic=5109.msg69295#msg69295 date=1175611019]
    [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
      In this case in particular, if she just ignores the person, and simply refuses to acknowledge his existence, that action alone would speak volumes. 


    God bless n take care
  • [coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]

    Furthermore, what im suggesting is even LESS mean actually than what u are proposing: Im suggesting that she goes up to him and tells him politely (BUT FIRMLY) to not call her again.
    THat's more civilised and less mean than ignoring her.

    Here we have an instance where you did not take the time to read the original post.  She has already spoken to the individual in question and it has failed to do any good.  To make it easy for you to reference, I have provided the pertinent quotes from the original post:

    [quote author=egy link=topic=5109.msg68730#msg68730 date=1174099088]
    he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only.

    he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not.

    I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore.


    She has tried talking to this person and talk has failed.  The next logical step is to simply ignore the person.  I fail to see how such action would be considered 'cruel' or not 'civilized'.  And if the boy thinks she is playing hard to get, then clearly he is an idiot, because she has made it clear that she is not interested in him whatsoever.
  • agreeable!
  • thanks everyone!!!!!!!, i did not go on fort around 2-3 weeks, i was so happy when i saw all of those replies guess what i told him that i am not allowed to have a bf because christanity and he kinda understod what i meant, the problem is he still likes me but he knows that i will never go out with him EVER


    god bless all of u
  • [quote author=egy link=topic=5109.msg69719#msg69719 date=1176508063]
    thanks everyone!!!!!!!, i did not go on fort around 2-3 weeks, i was so happy when i saw all of those replies guess what i told him that i am not allowed to have a bf because christanity and he kinda understod what i meant, the problem is he still likes me but he knows that i will never go out with him EVER


    god bless all of u

    Why is that a problem?
    I guess it's tough on him.. but there's no more you can do.. You've been honest with him now he's got to deal with it. You should abstain from speaking to him much, hi and bye if you have to.. It'll make things less complicated.
    Good Luck..
    +God Bless
  • i really agree with all advices, what i want to add is tell ur families also, they may help u.
    pray hard

    let the Almight help u

    Tifsehit
Sign In or Register to comment.