monasticism or marriage?

I know I posted about this topic before or something similar

Is it right to say that we should not try to be like those monks who did not want to see the face of women at all ..maybe e.g st arsenius.. if we are not sure whether we should be a monk or get married?

Is it right to say that its proof that God may want you to be a monk if even when you are living in the world and social with women you do not feel lust for those women and you do not want to marry them either? But if you want to get married then God does not want you to be a monk... atleast not yet?

When you be a monk then maybe you will be tempted more from the devil so that you may receive crowns and have blessing maybe in this life too..
maybe st arsenius did not struggle with lust the same as when he was a monk because God protected him.

I dont know if I make alot of sense..

I do not talk much with women or even anyone.. so I can not know if I want to be married and I do not know if I can live pure with them either..

I want to know how can I know whether God wants me to be a monk or get married?


  • Jesusiskingofkings,

    The monastery is a calling to individuals and not all are called. Some may want to become monks because they posses certain traits that leads them to the illusion that the monastery is right for them, but the decision to enter the monastery should be something that is frequently talked about with ones father of confession.

    Being married is also a lifestyle for others and neither are invalid decisions. You can serve God just as well in either path you choose because God is merciful and He will not only select monks to enter His Kingdom. As a matter of fact if you or your spouse are dedicated and devoted Christians then you will have a partner in helping you do Gods work.

    Both decisions can lead to the same end point which is being in eternal bliss with our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ. However, if you do decide that you are interested in the monastery then do not get into a relationship in order to “test the waters out.” That would be very callous to the person you are with especially if she has invested emotions in you. If you are serious about the monastery then try to live your life accordingly because if it turns out that its not the right choice for you then you wouldn’t have hurt anyone in the process and not vice versa.

    “For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God” 1 Corinthians 2:11

    Therefore, pray a lot and I’m sure God will reveal His will in due timing.

    In His Name
  • What if I do not go into a close relationship with some girl but I am social with all girls and I do not have a desire to get into a very close relationship with any of them.. maybe that is 1 sign that I should be a monk? I am not saying thats true of me now because I am antisocial with many people and do not talk with girls especially..

    But I should still have friendships with girls if I am not sure if I should get married or be a monk can't I? what if I think I should be a monk but my Father of Confessor is not to sure about that?
    should I not then have friendships with girls? but not to go out with any of them to some place alone..
  • ummm Jesusis king.... i had a similar question before even though im a girl and not a guy. But... i was very troubled and i didnt know wat life to choose. One time though... i heard Abouna say in a sermon, if God wants u to be a monks/ nun he will make it very obvious to u in the right time, but other than that if there is no real sign pointing toward that direction then maybe thats not the life for u.
    its incredibly difficult and i think about it a lot, i was reading the Bible one time and satan threw me a bunch of verses on how when Paul the apostle said that if u don not give ur daughter in marriage u hve done BETTER. i got scared and i want sure wat my future would be... then one time i picked up the book diabloic wars by his holiness pope Shenouda (TERRIFIC BOOK BTW AMAZING AMAZING AMZING!) and i was reading and all of a sudden it said Satan fights u with the thought of either living a monastic life or marriage... i kept reading and it said how Satan makes u read all the verses that say that monacticm is better and then verses that say that God created man and woman so the man wont be alone... and so on.
    If God wants u hell call out to u, leave it in God'd hands

    And if u choose to get married or become a monk u shouldnt be with ONE girl privately, its ok if ur with a group, they re ur sisters but alone ... naaaa stay away from that
    Monks do talk to girls as well so dont worry u can talk to them but preferably stay in a group so satan does not try to tempt u by anything God forbid
    Sorry for talking a lot ad i hope it made sense.
  • Jesusiskingofkings,

    Like I said previously not all are called to the monastery even though they might posses certain traits that leads them to the illusion that its right for them. With that said I don’t think being antisocial or rather “independent” is a sign that the monastery is the right path for you. Many of the bishops and priests I know are very much social, even H.H pope Shenouda III is social and knows how to get along with people very well.

    No ones fate is determined by their popularity, because if that’s the case then all the social individuals would get married and all the antisocial individuals would go to the monastery. If you are antisocial, struggling in your studies, stay all day in your room, consistently reading from the bible and theology then entering the monastery could be your excuse from escaping the real world because your sacred to face it or you don’t know how too, and therefore you are entering it for the wrong reasons.

    Why are the most well known saints the ones that were sons or daughters of kings and queens? Why do we always look at them and say “wow look at how they had everything in this world but they gave it up in order to live a life dedicated to God.” Its because we see the sacrifices that they made, we see that they had everything on earth but they rejected everything in order to gain the kingdom of Heaven.

    The saints posses traits such as being humble, unconditionally loving, wise, gentle, slow to anger, peaceful, and they are loved by a lot of people. Those are the signs that you should be looking out for to see if the monastery is right for you, and not the fact that you are antisocial and can be confined in your room all day.

    Therefore, you should have friends of both genders, and talk with them in a friendly way. Get to know a lot of people and don’t restrict yourself to only having male friends. My only concern is to not get involved with a girl and get into a serious relationship with her and after a year and a half just tell her “hey, I’ve changed my mind and I want to enter the monastery.” Which is why I suggested that if you are truly serious about the monastery than try to go down that road first because if its not for you then you didn’t harm anyone in the process.

    Also if your father of confession doesn’t agree that you should enter the monastery then you should listen to him because he is not giving you his opinion but rather the Holy Spirit talks through him, hence why one of the Holy sacraments is confession.

    My bishop told me a story once that has stuck with me for a long time. A long time ago when the majority of the people were worshiping the idols and carved images, they were torturing and killing anyone who declared himself a Christian in public. So one man told his father of confession that he wants to declare himself a Christian and he didn’t care if he was going to be die, he wanted to die as a martyr. So his father of confession told him not too do that but rather pray 6 hours a day. So the man went to his house and started praying and after 2 hours he went outside and ran into the market and yelled that he was a Christian. So the soldiers took him to the king and asked the king what he wanted them to do with him. The king told them to torture him, for a day. So they took the guy and started to torture him, after a couple of hours the man yelled out and denied that he was Christian. So the king told him to praise his idols and he did and so the king let him go. The man then went in tears to his father of confession and told him about everything that happened. The father of confession told him “didn’t I tell you to go and pray 6 hours a day instead”? Then the father of confession said, “if you couldn’t even dedicate 6 hours a day to God then why did you think you would be strong enough to be tortured”?

    This story can relate to your situation in three ways. First it shows us that our father of confessions knows us better then we know ourselves. Secondly, it shows us that we should take our fathers confessions advice seriously since it’s the Holy Spirit talking. Finally, before you say you want to enter the monastery and live a completely different lifestyle, then try to prepare yourself spiritually.

    Therefore, you should pray, talk with your father of confession a lot, have friends, live a life that is dedicated to God while you are doing your daily activities, and if God wants you to enter the monastery it will be very obvious to you when the time is right.

    In His Name

  • Thankyou for your replies.. I am helped by them..

    God Bless you both.
  • and i am sure god will guide u
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