What is emotional lust?

mikeforjesus

Have you ever heard of emotional (non- sexual )lust? I feel maybe when I like to be next to a girl without bad images and thoughts its still bad... the warmness of being a friend to a girl.. Would that more likely turn sexual then if you were a mean person? but being a friend is being loving and being mean is from selfishness so it seems being a friend should keep from lust but it doesnt seem it would to me sometimes.
???

spr418

and whats ur point of this topic?

Marianne87

What I understood from ur post is that u fear that when u are next to a girl u will fear looking at her in a bad way or lusting her without really have an intention to do so. I don't really agree with that. Is it possible to have an emotional lust, I highly doubt that, I mean if u do lust someone emotionally then u will decide to just get away from every girl u meet and that isn't right and certainly isn't the church teachings, because if that's the church teaching, we should all be monks and nuns. Lusting someone and looking at someone in a bad way is the only problem between a guy and a girl, if the whole purpose of a friendship/relationship/dating is to just be next to that girl that you lust, then obviusly this is wrong, but if the purpose of the friendship/relationship/ dating is to get EMOTIONALLY close to that girl/ guy then there is no harm, no physical harm, no emotional harm and no spiritual harm either.
Does emotional lust result in a physical lust? of course not, emotional closeness is basically LOVING another person, and if u love someone u will never think of lust toward them, u will never think of harming them.

jmazioun

i think i agree more with mike, emotional lust does exist, an example would be a thirst for attention from the opposite sex, its not necessarily a straight forward sexual lust. Another i think is to have the emotions that come with owning somebody, which are reserved for marriage by God. I think its important in all relationships to make sure that your are trying your best to model Christs love. A selfless relationship where there is no selfishness in actions or emotions would be the best way i think to avoid lusting with emotions. A great book on this topic is called: 'Sex is not the problem, lust is'- Joshua Harris, it deals with physical and emotional lust.

gmankbadi

Try being her friend in a group. This may help to clarify your dillemah and cognize your emotions to a greater extent. You're reaction to her in a group should entail what your actual emotions for her are; whether they are "emotionally lustful", "sexual" or.......a little of both.

God Bless.

Maryann23

I know this might be an extreme example, but its one of our coptic saints which we should truly admire and strive to mimic. When Simon the shoemaker (sam3an el 7araz) felt the least bit lustful towards the woman who came to repair her shoe, he remembered the verse : And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from you: for it is profitable that one of your members should perish, and not your whole body to go to hell., and immediately he poked his eye out.

So if you feel you are lusting (in anyways..either emotional or physical) then avoid her for the time being.

mikeforjesus

but how can you have a relationship with someone without emotions being involved?
I just feel emotional love for a girl will make you focus quite a number of thoughts for her just like you would a same gender friend... and this will be opportunity for sin.

mikeforjesus

Also at university.. there is some ladys who serve at the cafeteria who I think are nice to me.. the type who I think call you "sweet heart" and other flatering words?
I think because they think im looking for acceptance or because some times I look sad or anxious...

(anyway I try to be nice to them to be like Christ haha)

well I know that I dont just let it pass.. I think about them sometimes how they were nice to me.. and I dont know if this is pure or will become impure.. And also they are pretty...
Well I allow myself to continue thinking the thoughts because I think its probably pure and I didnt reach the stage of imagining them differently (atleast them so far) which I define as lust maybe im wrong... can lust be just a delight in looking at an attractive person? such that you like that person to be nice to you?

I feel because they act nice to me maybe that has a restraining influence from evil thoughts because I feel it would be very bad to think of doing something bad to someone who acts nice to you?
but still you can lust after a person who acts nice to you? and maybe you take advantage of them because they are nice? anyway im confused.

Marianne87

And also they are pretty...

u did mention they are pretty, it might still be the reason why u actually think about them. Well...what if they weren't as pretty, would u still think about them...well maybe u need to ask yourself that. If the answer is yes that is both considered emotional/sexual lust in my oponion...but if the answer is no...then maybe it's just emotional lust which I see nothing wrong with in here because u definetly have to connect emotionally to someone u like sooner or later.

mikeforjesus

do you mean if the answer is yes then it might be just emotional lust?

Marianne87

no i meant it would be both emotional and sexual lust...which is wrong

mikeforjesus

So if they are non physically attractive and I still think about them it might be emotional AND sexual lust?
how? is it because sexual lust even sees physically non attractive people as attractive? but isnt that love.. to see everyone beautiful?

Marianne87

ok here is what i meant again...if u are physically attracted to them that's sexual lust
if u aren't physically attracted to them that would just be emotional lust...which i see nothing wrong with

mazza

lust = sexual thoughts
so i dont know what have u guys been saying- your in a way contradicting yourself

there is no such thing as emotional lust

mikeforjesus, what your feeling in a sense is normal to like a girl or be close to one, it isnt lust- but to think about her in a sexual way, thats lust!

liking a girl or wanting to be close to her can lead to sexual thoughts (lust) but try to resist. as someone said above, go out in a group or something so you dont intentially feel that way

hope i cleared things up

-mazza-

mikeforjesus

ok thx people.. gives me stuff to think about? if thats good...
?

mazza

just becareful these emotional thoughts dont lead to anything physical
keep praying and ask your foc 4 some guidance and hel[

mnc_hnn

has any1 asked an abouna about it???

mikeforjesus

what about the monk who wouldnt even look at the girl who came to I think his cell?

because he feels so weak and I think we shouldnt think we are any stronger..
If I said it properly.

mnc_hnn

yes but u are not a monk (i think) and you are not like 100yrs ago?

-it depends on the person who u are talking about!

Christ4Life

monks are a completely different story. when you become a monk, you isolate yourself completely from the rest of the world. when you feel a certain way towards someone for the sole purpose of their personality and wanting to get to know them better, that is an emotional feeling, but it is not lust.

mnc_hnn

so, what is the difference between emotional feeling and lust? and which of them is a sin?


GBU

Marianne87

Emotional feelings is just having an emotions/feelings of love toward someone else...and that is absolutely normal when u like someone u feel emotionaly conected to them.
Lust is when you look at someone in a bad way and have bad thoughts and have lust toward them.
I still not convinced with the idea that there is such a thing as emotional lust so I wouldn't know what it is.

Christ4Life

exactly. u could describe wat you feel towards your parents emotional feelings. is that lust? ABSOLUTELY NOT. lust is when u think of someone in a bad/sinful way. just wanting to be with someone for who they are, that is not wrong. that, is what i like to call being friends.

mnc_hnn

so emotional feelings is not a sin then?

Christ4Life

no, but it must REMAIN an emotional feeling and NOTHING else.

a_deacon

u can easily tell the difference. ask yourself

"would I have the same feelings if they were the same gender as me?"

the aswer is probaly no, so that means it is lust

mikeforjesus

So having anxiety with only girls and not boys also is a sign of non purity too maybe?

different feelings..

Whay you said seems true a_deacon but I dont know... I feel like maybe its normal to have different feelings toward a girl and that you can appreciate beauty.. but that shouldnt make you treat non attractive girls as less valuable as a person ..
But your thoughts could be right..

?

Marianne87

[quote author=a_deacon link=board=10;threadid=2817;start=15#msg44540 date=1134797579]
u can easily tell the difference. ask yourself

"would I have the same feelings if they were the same gender as me?"

the aswer is probaly no, so that means it is lust


No...not really..I mean I don't agree that everything we will call lust...what is wrong with emotions..I am not understanding the big deal here...why can't u LIKE or LOVE someone...that's what God told us...there is a difference between looking at them in a bad way and lusting them (shahwa) and between having normal feelings (3atefia)...of course u can't have the same feeling with someone of the same gender...there is a difference between guys and girls as well.
I have a sermon about that from a bishop..but it's in arabic so if anyone intersted let me know.

mikeforjesus

Okay what do you think if I like it when a pretty girl says hi to me (But we are supposed to see all people pretty anyway but still what if I like it maybe more than an unattractive person in the face of maybe you cant really compare to say more or less? )...

do you think thats definitely lust?

what if I like it when she says hi but I dont imagine the girl differently in my head?

I hope I make sense.

mnc_hnn

I have a sermon about that from a bishop..but it's in arabic so if anyone intersted let me know.

oh yea where is it please?

Marianne87

How do i uploaded it on here?