Hello fellow brothers and sisters,
I am a young Egyptian/Syrian Muslim female living in the US. I was born into a Muslim family, however my family and myself never really practiced it. So growing up, I did believe in God, the right and the wrong, but I didn't have much faith.
I ended up losing my virginity and I felt disgusted and ashamed of myself. I cried many nights and prayed that God would forgive me. I told myself that if I had a stronger faith this wouldn't have happened. I started to read the Quran and just got confused. I saw a lot of very hypocritical verses, which I wont get into too much detail. And I also started thinking to myself how can Islam be a religion of peace if even our own prophet used violence and aggression to spread Islam. He also married numerous women and some even claimed he raped. He condoned everything I had believed Islam was not.I started reading into more things and just got confused even more
Anyway, one of my fellow Coptic friend, sent me a link to watch a video by Abouna Boulos George and I loved what he saying, using the Christian values and teachings. I felt at peace a little. I started reading the Bible and things make sense to me.
But I am scared, I know I still have a long spiritual journey ahead, but I feel guilty for doubting my own religion and finding answers in a different one. I'm scared of how my family and friends would view me if I convert into the religion. And just thinking ahead into the future, I am worried that no one would wanna marry an ex-muslim who isn't a virgin.
Also, I am very confused about the idea of the Holy Trinity. None of my friends have been able to explain to me well. I understand that by saying Jesus is the Son of God, it is supposed to be a representation symbolically, but why is he still refered to as God & Son of God. I can't seem to grasp this.
If someone could help, i would really appreciate it!
Thank you and bless you all