Very scared

Around 2 years ago, I became involved with a girl. Sadly, I fell and became intimate with her once. I thought that since my friends and I had always "checked out" girls and such that we were adulterers at heart. What difference did it make if I actually did it. Of course, I was wrong and am now paying the price: guilt, regret, and sadness. 

I am trying to build up the courage to go confess. But, how do I know if I am truly repentant at heart? I definitely don't want to ever do it again but some days, I remember what I did and it doesn't bother me as much as other days (just being honest here). 

I know I should not be asking the following questions, but forgive me: If I am servant in the church, will Abouna ask me to step down? Also, I have heard from some that as long as a true repentance and confession takes place, one should not inform a future spouse because it will create unnecessary tension over a past sin. However, some sources have said the spouse needs to be informed? Lastly, do you have state whether you are a virgin or not during your wedding (I've heard this before and sorry if it sounds stupid). 

Thank you everyone

Comments

  • edited July 8
    You are a very good thoughtful young man. No, Abouna will not make you stop serving. Look at the saints, especially St. Moses the Black. He was a horrible human being prior to finding Christ.

    The more Copts become a part of Western culture, the more things like this will happen. The biggest concern you should have is not the judgment of others, even Abouna, but to serve as a guiding light to those who are in a situation similar to yours.

    We can get as many college degrees as possible and specialize in hundreds of human sciences, but life is the best teacher. Our misgivings make us stronger. Always remember that making a mistake is the first step of learning.

    Finally, be completely honest with your future wife. The hardest part of marriage is transparency. My wife knows all of my sins, I even prefer to confess with her.

    You'll get there. Don't let the feeling of guilt take over. Jesus was a forgiving man when He was on this Earth. He did things that were not, "socially acceptable" because He felt so strongly about not judging others. Believe that your Abouna and your future wife will be Christ-like in their acceptance and love for you.

    And no. You don't need to say that. If Abouna asks you that in front of a church full of your families, punch him in the face. He should discuss it during the engagement process.

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