Cheating wife!

What would you do if your wife is having a relationship with her coworker, and you are a deacon, There is nothing a hundred percent what the relationship is, but she lies about where she is going, and where she was to go out lunch and dinner sometime for coffee with him, 
my father of confession asked her and she denied it, 
what would a deacon do? a good advice from fathers is greatly appreciated!

In Christ


  • edited July 6
    Speak to her. Ask her what she sees in the other guy. Allow her to be honest, and try your best to be calm and rational.

    My wife and I began our marriage on rocky ground too. It can be a challenge to keep a marriage vibrant and exciting.

    More than likely, this other man is easier to talk to, and is a welcome change from the petty and emotionally draining arguments that happen in a marriage.

    My best advice is to read Scripture together often, pray the Agpeya, and try to allow Christ to become the center of your marriage. As a fellow Deacon, my wife and I enjoy reading about God together, which is important to both of us.

    Many people in our church would claim this to be temptation or the Devil for her to spend time with another man.

    In some ways I agree with that. But, a practical and logical explanation would be that the other guy can joke with her, make her laugh, talk about different things, and is exciting to get to know.

    When you piece together all of the responsibilities of marriage it can tend to be draining. You have your mortgage/rent, bills, work/life balance, creating time to yourself yet not excluding each other. It is a difficult balancing act.

    Be upfront with her and tell her what she means to you. And try to incorporate some of those qualities she sees in the other guy in to yourself. Just a little more romance, surprises, flowers, chocolate, day trip, movie, dinner, etc.

    And most importantly, keep Christ in your heart for strength.

  • romanian joke:
    1st man; 'my wife is an angel!'
    2nd man; 'you are lucky, mine hasn't died yet...'
  • your response was much more helpful, though.

    on a more sensible note, marriage is just like monasticism (yes, really!) in that it is a great chance to learn to resist all the temptations of the enemy (to get angry, get even, show how much better you are than the other person, etc.)
    your main aim in marriage should be to get closer to God and to get stronger against the devil.
    building a good relationship with the person you are married to is easy when you master step one above (which is not easy!)
    also getting closer to God is the main aim of being single or of being a good flatmate, etc etc.

    james 4:7 says 'therefore submit to God. resist the devil and he will flee from you',
    submit means 'accept' and 'do what God asks'.

    so if you have a 'bad' wife, say 'ok God, you gave her to me'; or a bad boss say 'thank you  God for my job'; or unemployment 'show me God how best to use this time'; or a recently failed attempt at engagement 'thank you God for this time alone that I can use to enjoy your love and find out your will' etc etc.
    then God will show you how best to resist the devil, but spending lots of time in prayer, good deeds, going to confession (and then doing what your spiritual father recommends) taking Holy Communion etc etc. and so you won't even have time to give in to angry or sad thoughts and your renewed love and kindness will affect all those who are around you.

    remember it is not your spouse, your boss, your neighbour etc. who is the enemy. it is the devil who wants you to treat each other as enemies. 
    [a very wise priest once asked me to pray for a very bad boss i had. once i stopped seeing him as 'the enemy' and i saw him as just another human suffering because of the oppression of the devil, then i was no longer scared of him at work! his shocked face when he saw me wishing him a very good morning (with a big confident smile) was priceless!]
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