Hi everyone, I am writing this to get a christian point of view. First of all, I am not Egyptian nor am I coptic but I am Syrian and an orthodox christian but I have become a born again christian.
About one year ago, I met my now current husband from the church I attend. His family attends an orthodox church for years now but their roots are iraqi chaldean/assyrian catholics but they have become born again christians. I met with my now husband I saw that he had a relationship with God and lives for God he doesn't care about orthodox or catholic. All I wanted was a person that really lives for God so denomination wasn't a priority to me since they don't even mind going to an orthodox church. We agreed to marry in an orthodox church and we did and this was recently.
Now, I thought that they don't care about denominations they knew I was Orthodox. Him and his parents said to me any future children you have will be baptised in the chaldean catholic church. Why? They want that because of their heritage like how there are kurds, coptics, assyrians etc. That said, we will still attend the orthodox church we go to and follow the orthodox church but they want the baptism about the other church. I had assumed that since we married in an orthodox church everything including baptism will be in that church. They tell me you shouldn't worry about these small things we are all christian only el taqous are different. I love our church, I was baptised in Syria one of the ancient orthodox churches in Damascus. One time they made a remark saying why do they baptise like that in your church they are drowning the child. I don't know how to feel about this.
My second problem is I am doubting everything now. I don't know if its because of the cultural differences because I was not aware of any of this until I married and lived with him. He and his parents wanted the engagement period to be short as possible. I didn't think it was a problem because he was born and lived in a western state. We are more open than them what we see as okay they think as wrong. I speak arabic he doesn't he just speaks chaldean. For example, before we got engaged I attended my cousins birthday party at home with family, and there was a photo of me posted on facebook my a family member with my male cousin just having his arm around me. This male cousin to me is like my brother we were raised together since we were babies so we didn't see anything wrong with that. Anyways, my now husband's family saw that photo and showed it to their son. He got so angry and mad that my parents and I went to his parents house he said he found it disrespectful and should watch what I am doing, though I was doing nothing wrong. He said, if his family saw his fiance like that what will they think? To me and my parents who are strict thought this was so ridiculous because we didn't see anything wrong with that. But because he didn't like that I let it blow over and thought okay I will be careful next time. This was after we got engaged this incident would have broke the engagment, but I didn't want to, and I had already fell in love with this person, so I didn't feel I should break the engagement over something like that.
Before we were engaged we spoke about these things that he won't restrain me from seeing my parents and my family he said I won't as long as it is reasonable. Well, now I believe he dislikes my cousins family because his family is not like our family. His family and himself don't like social gatherings like to be alone. My now husband is the head of the house and though I am not wanting to take over him I feel like he is authorative and whatever he says goes, what's worse is his parents back him because they are also like that. A few days ago I agreed with my friend from the coptic church Ill come to church see her and we will meet up. The meet up was disorganised because also my sisters and my cousin wanted to come to. I told my husband the night before that I will be going to church and seeing my friend. He misunderstood me, church finished my friend had something and won't be available until a few hours, so I went to my parents in the meantime so I can take my sisters too. I texted my husband and told him where I am he said that I am playing behind his back and I was to come back home immediately. I am so sensitive so I just got out of parents house though I just arrived and left. My mom called me on my drive back about the problem I semi told her it, the problem exploded because like myself we didn't see anything wrong with what I did. When his parents knew they think I am the one at fault, that I should tell him every detail I am in. They are met3asbeen, I have a feeling they just want me to get pregnant to just stay at home. My whole family went crazy over that incident, my mom even wanted me to divorce because he acts like that she is so worried that my marriage will be like hers. I have to take his permission to go anywhere and it has to be 'reasonable' but thats how he defines it, everytime we go to family he makes a fuss about it. I understand he works all throughout the week but honestly if I had married a guy from my same culture I wouldn't have to deal with all this hamaj. After getting married I have grown to detest their culture, country and language. I always hated anything with khalej, in the beginning they would change their arabic accent to ours so it wouldn't be so harsh but now its like everything they tried to conceal is finally open. I feel like I was deceived.
Even with the way he handles money its like he treats me like a child. He gives me a weekly allowance. If I have $10 left from something he would ask for it, its not about the money but about the feeling with the way he deals with it. Why? because his parents are like that too even if they had so much money his dad gives his mom only grocery shopping money and as much as she saves from that shopping she can keep it to herself like 10$. And my now husband says infront of them 'you're so lucky'. These things infuriate me. Bas el ha2 3leye. I, because of my kindness, humility and humbleness have been taken advantage of by them.
I don't deserve this, I always asked God to send me someone from him, and this happened so quickly.
Ana ma5no2a ma ba3ref shu 3mel. Am I overthinking this, is this normal? I have reached to the point I have made the biggest mistake of my life and there is no getting out of it and its only been 2 months in the marriage. These problems make me scared about if I was to continue, but we also agreed that there is no divorce option and I don't want that either.
Ana 3njad te3bet, 3m khali kel shi b albi w ma 3m e2dar 2oul la hada la eno ma baddi meshakel aktar men hek.