guy with major girl trouble. HELP!!

edited December 1969 in Faith Issues
i was very close to a girl and we were together. we were very much in love or maybe it was somthing we thought was love. i guess things jsut happend and she lost this love for me. i didnt stop caring about her in that special way but she did. to make a long story short we went from going out, to friends, to barely friends. she was the one who started to pull away from the last time we hung out while together. physical things happened nd we got into an agrument nd made up that night. so she pulled away. started hangin out with another guy. she was keeping it from me for some reason. i really think that by now there is somthing going on. its been a month. she doesnt mention him at all the very few times we speak. she has become very cold and mean at times. i guess im not a complete angel either. i pulled away once i saw her pulling away. i too acted shady. she broke down in tears nd told me why i was doing this. i told her my father of confession told me to forget aout her i must distance my self for a while then friendship can be pursued. not right out of a relationship. friendship is really hard right after. so i sopped being distant. a while later we were talkin and the topic of our relationship came up. she asked me to open up nd tell her wat i was feeling. told her i was really hurt nd felt it was unfair. that made her feel bad. she hung up and ignored me for a while. she wanted me to call her and appologize but i didnt. i spitefully ignored her. (my friend's advice: bad advice)
abouna had somthing completely different planned. i had to be a casual friend to her. no briging up the situation anymore. so i called and basically said sorry nd begged her to forgive me becase she was really upset. said i wanted to be friends. she said that she doesnt think it would be possible. later that night we talked some more online. she understood me wrong nd thought i said i used her physical stuff. i dunno how she understood that but she said i didnt ever love her but lusted for her and she spazzed out and cursed at me for this. not hearing me out then left. i feel she is trying to find as many flaws in the relatinship as possible. she thought i liked the physical things we did. that was a big misundstanding. but it changed things alot. she later told me she cryed all night. why, wen she doesnt wanna be with me ever again, stil cry over me. he friend said she isnt over me. but im absolutely sure she is pursuing somone else or viceaversa. i was lied to. she told me she didnt need a boyfriend but a friend. yet she is pursuing somone else. she alsot said that we should open our hearts to other ppl. all in all, things came out of my control and i didnt handle the sitution properly at times i let it get worse. and now we barely talk. she has a life of her own and so do i. i stil think about it way too much and its serioulsy affecting my life, skool work and future. ive talked to friends, abouna, and read books about gettin over a relationship in which i was soo very emotinally attached. how did she get so unattached so quickly. is her aspiration with somone else fueling her detachment from me? i dunno. i prayed about it alot and my father of confession told me such a person that causes a disturbance in my life very clearly means its not God's will. i say this to my self alot. the whole relationship was not right. not pure. but how do i stop thinking about it. how can i forget about her. i mean it really hurts that she moved on so quickly. does that mean her love for me wasnt true? or did she jsut get fed up with the sin. or was she just bored and wanted somthing and somone new. i love her but she confuses me. i dont think she knows wat she wants. watever i did, i may have made things worse. i think she hates me now. she has a right to though. i was a bad to her at times. well i guess all that doesnt matter now. things wont ever be the same. i know its all God's will. but i know there is absolutley no hope anymore. even abouna said most of the times these young relationships never make it. i konw im dumb for trying to still hold on to it in my heart. well im 19 and its my first experience. its not her first relationship. alright thanks for listening. ask me to elaborate on anything that isnt clear. thanks everyone pray for my weakness


  • This is the problem with relationships at a young age. I personally think there is better things to like then this kind of lust. it's ok though b/c i hab TONS of frends tha go throught the same thing at churhc. my advice is forget it, it's not worth worrying about. Of course try to be frends with her, start hanging out or try to but u hab to learn to be non attracted to her. Friendship is alot more important than relationship problem. When i say relations ship problem, i means boy frend girlfrend stuff.

    From experience, i realized that u are much carefree when u don't worry ureself about problems like these and start dating. Frends and family is what really does help and they are always there for you.

    if u think about it, this problem is probably small, but its affecting u so much u prolly think its a big problem. "Don't let the little rocks on the road block the road, especially when u can get the rocks out of the way."

    In my opinion, try not to get mixed into these girlfrend deal.
    Don't follow society but follow the christian way, it will make ure life so much easier and happier (again speaking from experience). Finally, keep ure frends close because they are the only ones who will be there for you in ure time of need if u accept them and if they accept u and u guys truly have "true love" towards each other.

    Try to make her your friend again and start all over as just TRUE FRENDS.

    i hope this helped u someway,
    ure brother
  • ok u seem really tense
    wat i want 2 say is just that ur priest was so right- it was so gods will, he felt that she was not good 4 u and da only way 4 u 2 accept that- even though it was harsh- was to let go.
    i cant tel u that i know how u feel or give u gr8 adivce cus ive neva bin in a situation like that but the only reason for her going mad and crazy is that she was stil hurt cus of wat hapent. she was stil distraught and didnt know how 2 respond 2 ya so she jus lashed out like that.
    i gues all u can do is hope and pray that she realises u want 2 stil b friends. but don give up- she'll 4 u give u soon (girls always hold grudges 4eva- lol i know ;))
    wel hope i helped
    take care :D
  • First off, this is just my opinion, so if there's any blame after this it goes to me, anyway, you know how people say stuff like "It'll go away with time" ITS NOT TRUE. The pain is your cross to carry and it wont go away, only subside. Sorry if I sound really mean, i truly dont mean to be; again its just my opinion. Try to look at the brightside, if you make it through this it makes u that much stronger. Have FAITH, trust me their is nothing it can't overcome. +
  • a way to stop this problem in the future is that once u start falling in love and lusting, its good to just stay away and its not bad to have friends that are girls either.
  • I wasn't going to reply to this thread but i wanted to share my little experience.

    Luke90 Your right,

    The pain won't go away totally but subside, it will be a cross that you will bear for a long time but not forever!...

    There are definatly ways that you can minimise the attachment, try to minimalise your communication, make her a casual friend but dont get into personal conversations.

    Like with eveything time heals all wounds...i know its a cliche but its true ...take some time out for yourself, if you find that your thoughts are going back to that the bible and read, occupy your mind with something else. I also highly recomend you don't start ANYOTHER relationship until you get your head round things. Because if you do start another one, all the problems of your past relationship will affect the present one.

    The other thing is YOU must realise if the relationship is over then you must come to terms with it....YOU must beleive its over...other wise you will keep going over things in your head. re-analyse rethink...what if ..etc...and this is not healthy. what your confession father tells you..he know whats best for you, if there is something your not able to do ...TALK to him about it, you said you talk to your confession father..thats VERY good keep doing that...

    Also PRAY, alot of people really underestimate the power of prayer, put things in Gods hands...when you do that you will feel more at ease and comforted because God is your support.

    TALK to other people who have experience in this situation ie/ older people or youth servents (close ones) or your parents...THEY CAN HELP HEAPS!!

    I KNOW ITS HARD!...but its what God wants for you...and God wants the best and nuffin but the best for you!!.

    Keep Me in your Prayers
  • she believed that lust destroyed the relationship. she thouhgt i liked it, yet i hated it more than she did. she even said with her own mouth that she was more at fault than me for wen physical things happened. i really hated it and i try not to dwell on sin but this has really changed my whole out look on girlz. it feels now lik i cant trust girlz anymore. no matter how close u are. I CANT GET OVER THAT SHE HAS MOVED ON SO QUICKLY. THAT MEANS I MEANT NOTHING TO HER AND WAT WE HAD EMOTINOALLY WAS NEVER REALLY SINCERE OR TRU. I would never do this. im taking this opportunity to stop dating untill im old enough. i feel bad for her because she is starting the cycle over again. i didnt expect this at all from her. i should have tho since she left someone b4 me and moved on to me in a month gap. i really should have seen it coming. i feel stupid. u guess the stuff we did made her really unhappy, even tho she wanted it more than i did. she was disgusted with her self. so am i. BUT OUT RELATIONSIHP WASNT JUST ABOUT PHYSICAL STUFF. there was plenty of committment and love for each other. i dont know. im just gonna let things be as they are. she is being soo shady now. i dont talk to her much anymore and she is probably spending alot of time with this new guy. it gets to me but plz pray for me to get this out of my mind and past it. im going to let things just be all God's will. In the end i am going to be truly happy and even more importantly, joyful.
  • just try to be her frend again, start all over. Tell her that, start a brand new page in ure relationship with her, but make this relationship the ones frend and family have because they are stronger than the relationship boyfrend girlfrends have. And u cannot have both just fyi. it's either one or the other because both relationship's "idee" contradict with each other. Plz make the right choic and try to be friend her because nothing is worse than losing a good frend

    and sorry abpuna, i can't write in arabic :(
  • Great responses you guys..

    I just wanted to ask.... Have you ever just sat for one second and asked yourself.. Is this worth my misery?? If it isn't then whey am I still in it??... Do I TRULLY have COMPLETE and SINCERE trust in God? Or is it just a word I say I have?.. If I do.. Then how come I don't trust that he is doing this for a very very good reason, one of which I may not even understand!! Because we don't understand..and we may never understand it at all! Only if He see's it right, will he give us that understanding about that certain situation. Do I have the complete trust in my Heavenly Father, that he is going to find the right person for me in due time? Do I have the faith and trust that, that person is the one and only that the Lord has chosen for me, especially for me? Do I trust and have faith that the Lord loves me to the extent that he is taking care of me, and making sure that I am staying on the right path to eternity? Do I trust Him, to guide me, and allow certain tests and hardships in my life to make me a better person? Do I? Do I honestly? Do I ask myself..Has God been the centre of this relationship from the start? If he hasn't.. Then is it really right?..ok then..Let's say we come to the conclusion, that we know it's not right..and we don't want it to happen anymore.. Why do I need to think about it any further?? Do I not trust the Lord's decision?? .. I need to.. If I don't have enough of that trust and faith..I need to realise it..and strengthen it.. I need to pray..and pray again..I need to read my bible.. I need to involve myself in all the possible services I can do.. I need to occupy myself..Not just mental wise, by not thinging about it.. But practically as well..I need to serve the Lord, asking him constantly for help and guidance. The other thing we always underestimate you guys, is the grace of service, it's an amazing advantage and blessing when we serve.. it's trully something honourable.. I need to believe that I can not do this on my own..True.. But I CAN do it through the Grace of God...

    Sorry..I blabbed on there.. Forgive me.. But I'm thinking about this a little too logically perhaps.. But.. I know..that although I aren't spiritual, or holy in any way.. That is how I would analyse this situation.. I think..or at least would like to think..that, that's how I would deal with it....

    Thank you..
    Pray for me..
    God Bless
  • that was gr8 maz
  • every one is giving great answers thanks alot. this situation has actually taught me how to pray. im growing in faith now that i see things that i ask for in prayer happen very quickly. i still wake up every morning feeling horrible. all the thoughts just rush in to my mind but im sure after a while this will subside. we are already friends tho. but the friendship has become very weak. its hanging by a thin thread. very delicate. we dont. we are keeping the conversation very brief and not to deep in content.

    I think of it alot and i do think it is worth my misery sometimes. but then again i think thats just being stubborn and not accepting God's plan for me. i look back and say wow, this girl was really a great person, despite all that has happend to make me think other wise. maybe im failing to take the hints that she is really not good for me. im the type that remembers and looks at the good in ppl. she is the type that only remembers the bad that happened between us. i guess wat im trying to say is that deep down i still might want to be with her. i was very optimistic about things and had so much hope. all what im saying doesnt matter because first off, she said there is absolutley no hope for us ever again. im jsut going to have to live with it and accept it. if God wanted her for me he would have kept her heart opened towards me.
    may God strengthen me to keep her as a friend and at the same time get over her. pray for me
  • "that was gr8 maz"

    Thanks Mazza :)

    I see that you are starting to realise what you're in egyguy00, and that's the first step to moving forward, and letting go.. Good work.. Rabenna maak.. As long as you hold that faith that you have of God close to your heart.. You will surely succeed. :)

    Pray for me..
    Sis in Christ, Maz
  • egyguy00....i have so much faith in you right now!! You obviously learned A LOT from this which is probably why God perhaps allow it take place in your life. You're getting closer to Him and it probably stopped you from making a huge mistake in the future. Don't lose all faith and trust in girls, but at the same time be careful of who it is that you trust and right now focus on friendships mostly. And don't feel bad because you've talked to your FOC about it and prayed about it which is EXACTLY what God wants us to do. The fact of the matter is, none of us are angels. We're all sinners and we're all in this thing called life together. Pray for the girl, A LOT because it seems as if she hasn't learned the same things you have. I would say don't talk to her at all, not out of spite, not "giving her the silent treatment" but don't seek conversations with her for a long long time because they'll never make you feel better. I know you might still be attached but you'll meet many more people. With time and with the grace of God, your wounds will be healed. Please feel better and God Bless You!!
  • yea egyguy00 it looks like ur doin so much better
    -ur stil in ma prayers and may god b wif ya
  • thanks everyone. ill give it my all through Christ. :) ;D ;D

  • thats the way :D
    ask for strength an guidance and he'll never forsake u
  • There is a quote that I really think is true that might help you "if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be, if it doesnt come back, it was never yours" So just trust that this was God's will and that what happens, happens for a reason. You don't know what the future holds for you but this is all part of the "big plan". Just remember don't force anything, or you'll lose everything....hope this helps you!!! ;D
  • that was great and awesome!
  • Hey
    I can't really much say much after all of you guys have said a lot of nice spiritual words to help out egyguy00.

    But I just wana add a link to an article that might help egyguy00 or any person who is in a relationship or contemplating on starting a relationship.

    I really benifited from this article and i hope u too. (sorry its a bit long though)

    From Bill
    PPFM (Please Pray For Me)
  • Thanks micmek for this's really great...u all should read it
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